Oh, no — the horror of being single and doing whatever you want, whenever you want! Oh, how horrible it must be to not worry about dealing with your in-laws! The single life must be the most miserable thing ever.
Obviously I’m being sarcastic. I’ve been single and I’ve been in relationships, and both have their ups and downs. But even worse than the downsides is having to listen to the non-stop complaints from single women when you’re the one in a relationship. Being single is amazing, so enjoy it. You can enjoy a relationship later, but for now, keep the silly complaints to yourself.
All my friends have someone.
And haven’t you been in relationships when they were single? I get it, you feel left out. If you’d quit whining, you’d realize you still have your friends. Don’t drive them away because you’re jealous of their happiness.
Seriously? Grow up already. Yes, some guys suck. If you keep thinking all guys suck, you’re never going to find someone. Plus, you’ll change your tune as soon as the next one comes along that shows interest in you. Don’t judge every guy based on some past bad relationships.
My friends suck.
What the hell? So now I suck because I’m dating someone? I thought you cared and wanted me to be happy. Here I am trying to be a friend and you’re just pushing me away. And you wonder why you’re single?
I get so cold and lonely at night.
It’s called TV and a blanket. Try it. You can watch whatever you want and get chip crumbs all over the bed. What are you complaining about again?
I hate being a third wheel.
OK, so those couples who do nothing but jam their tongues down each other’s throats in front of their single friends are disgusting. Otherwise, being a third wheel is fun. It’s just adding on one extra friend. Besides, if you tag along, you might just meet one my boyfriend’s friends.
It’s not me, it’s my generation.
That’s right. It’s all your generation’s fault that you’re single. Even though some of your friends are happily married, it’s all because of social media and texting that you can’t meet someone. Stop bitching about your generation and try being different. It just might work.
I’d rather just be a lesbian.
If you’re legitimately interested in women, that has nothing to do with the shortcomings of guys you’ve dated. If you still like men but like to pretend that having a relationship with a woman would be any easier, not only are you stupid, but you literally have no clue about love and should probably spend a bit more time alone to get yourself together. Every relationship has drama. Remember that.
Relationships are boring, anyway.
So what’s the problem? If relationships are so boring, why do you keep bitching? Shouldn’t you be happy being single? Make up your mind. You’re giving me a headache going back and forth.
I’ll never trust anyone again.
And that’s probably one of the reasons you’re single. We all get hurt — it happens, and you’re not special. As hard as it is, you’ll trust again. I don’t need you announcing it to me every other day in the meantime, though.
My coupled-up friends should put me first.
Why? Are you putting them first? I’m going to give you as much time as I’m giving my partner because I care about both of you. Sure, I might be out of pocket more at first, but wasn’t it you that disappeared for a month with that last guy you dated?
I’ll just be the crazy cat lady.
Really? Please do. I love kitties! Don’t tease me here. My boyfriend only wants me to have two. I’m depending on you to have, like, 20 and turn you house into one of those cat cafes.
Holidays are evil conspiracies.
It’s one less gift to buy. What are you so pissed about? I don’t get it. I’m stressing about what to buy my man and you’re bitching because you don’t have a guy to buy for? Buy me a gift. I deserve one for listening to the complaining all the time.
What’s wrong with me?
Nothing. OK, the daily whine fest gets old, but seriously, nothing’s wrong with you. We’re not going to meet guys at the same time. Hell, I’ll probably be single the next time you’re dating someone. Be patient and enjoy single hood. The next thing I know you’ll be complaining about being in a relationship.
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