We all have habits that might not be great for our relationships, but some behaviors are toxic. If you want a relationship that’s happy, healthy, and built to last, it’s time to do some self-reflection and drop the bad habits.
1. Keeping a Tally
If you’re constantly keeping a score of who did what in the relationship, it’s time to stop. A healthy partnership isn’t about tallying who made dinner more often or who planned the last date. Keeping score only leads to resentment and a sense of competition. Instead, focus on giving freely and letting things balance out over time. It’s not about being even but being there for each other.
2. Blaming, Not Owning Your Mistakes
We’ve all been guilty of playing the blame game, but it’s a toxic habit that needs to go. Shifting blame onto your partner instead of owning up to your mistakes creates a cycle of defensiveness and mistrust. Healthy relationships are built on accountability. Admit when you’re wrong, apologize sincerely, and improve. Blame only builds walls, but accountability builds trust.
3. Activating the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a classic, passive-aggressive move that can damage even the strongest relationships. Shutting down instead of communicating leaves your partner feeling isolated and confused. If you’re upset, speak up. Healthy relationships thrive on open dialogue, not cold silence. Silence might feel powerful in the moment, but it only creates distance. Even when it’s tough, talking things through is always the better choice.
4. Hurling Constant Criticism
There’s a difference between constructive feedback and constant criticism. If you’re always nitpicking your partner’s behavior, appearance, or choices, it’s time to step back. Constant criticism chips away at your partner’s self-esteem and creates a toxic environment. Focus on expressing your needs without making it feel like a personal attack. Celebrate their strengths and address concerns with kindness, not a sharp tongue.
5. Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind
No one’s a mind reader—not even your soulmate. Expecting your partner to “know” what you think or feel leads to frustration and unmet expectations. If you want something, say it. If you’re upset, explain why. Open communication is essential for a thriving relationship. Dropping the expectation that your partner can magically understand your unspoken needs will make life much easier for both of you.
6. Holding Onto Past Slights
Holding onto past wrongs like trophies doesn’t do anyone any good. If you’re bringing up old arguments every time there’s a disagreement, it’s time to let go. Grudges poison relationships, making it impossible to move forward. Instead, address issues when they happen, resolve them, and leave them in the past. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means choosing to move forward without the weight of resentment.
7. Acting Jealous and Controlling
A little jealousy can be normal, but letting it take over your relationship is toxic. If you’re constantly checking up on your partner or feeling threatened by their friends or hobbies, it’s time to reassess. Healthy relationships are built on trust, not control. Let go of the urge to micromanage and trust that your partner is with you because they want to be—not because you’re keeping them on a short leash.
8. Wanting to Win Every Argument
If your goal is to win every argument, you’re missing the point. Relationships aren’t competitions, and being “right” shouldn’t come at the expense of your partner’s feelings. Focusing on winning means you’re not listening, creating a dynamic where both people feel defensive. Instead, prioritize understanding over being right. Aim to find common ground and solve the problem together rather than keeping score.
9. Using “Always” and “Never” Statements
Nothing triggers defensiveness faster than saying “You always…” or “You never…” These absolute statements put your partner on the defensive and don’t leave room for nuance. They make it sound like you’re condemning their entire character over a single issue. Try replacing “always” and “never” with specifics about how a particular behavior makes you feel. It leads to a more productive conversation and less hurt feelings.
10. Making Assumptions Instead of Asking Questions
Assumptions are a relationship killer. Assuming you know what your partner is thinking, why they did something, or what they meant creates unnecessary conflict. Don’t assume—ask. It’s that simple. Even if you think you know your partner inside and out, giving them a chance to explain will lead to better understanding and fewer misunderstandings. Clear communication starts with curiosity, not presumption.
11. Not Respecting Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship; ignoring them is a fast track to resentment. If your partner sets a boundary, respect it—even if you don’t fully understand it. Boundaries are about self-respect and mutual respect, not rejection. Make sure you clearly communicate your boundaries and honor the ones your partner has set. It’s about creating a safe space for both of you.
12. Going Low During Fights
It’s tempting to bring up old grievances to strengthen your case when arguments escalate, but it’s a toxic habit that only deepens wounds. Rehashing the past makes it impossible to resolve the current issue because the conversation becomes about everything that’s ever gone wrong. Focus on the here and now. Stick to the topic; don’t let past baggage weigh down today’s problems.
13. Not Regulating Your Emotions
Your emotions are your responsibility—not your partner’s. Blaming them for how you feel or expecting them to fix your mood is a recipe for codependency. Take ownership of your feelings and communicate them. A healthy relationship is about supporting each other, not becoming responsible for each other’s emotional states. Dropping this toxic habit will lead to more emotional freedom for both of you.
14. Playing the Victim
Playing the victim means refusing to take accountability and always seeing yourself as the wronged party. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility and making your partner feel guilty or responsible for your unhappiness. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual accountability. Accepting your role in conflicts and being willing to make changes is a sign of emotional maturity. Ditch the victim mentality; you’ll find more room for genuine growth and connection.
