14 Ways Being Single In My 30s Is Better Than Being Single In My 20s

I won’t BS you by claiming that 30 is the new 20—it’s just a new decade filled with different experiences that you approach with a different perspective. In life and in dating, all the good decisions, big mistakes, and cheap wine from early adulthood have led me to exactly where I am today, and I wouldn’t change a single one of them.

1. I know who I am and I’m confident about it. My self-esteem has never been better. I’m not constantly wanting to change something about myself and that confidence is apparent. I have no problem approaching (and asking out) someone I’m attracted to. I don’t need the lights off and I don’t rush to the bathroom in the morning to touch up my under-eye concealer. It’s freeing when you just DGAF. Take me as I am or see yourself out.
2. I don’t use social drinking as a crutch. Because I know that what I bring to the table is valuable, I don’t lose sleep worrying that I won’t add up to a guy’s expectations. I’m intelligent, curious, and have some great life experiences. I’m interested and interesting and I don’t rely on a Sauvignon Blanc to carry me through a conversation.
3. Day dates are a frequent occurrence. I won’t act like I don’t get asked out for drinks at 30—that still happens and I actually don’t mind it. However, I’m dating grown men now. These are men in their mid to upper-30s who mostly understand that drinks are fun but a proper date is even better. Often, there are daytime activities involved now—imagine that! I’m going on adventures and picnics and it’s a much better way to get to know someone than over Manhattans in a crowded cocktail bar.
4. I’m planning more dates. I like to be courted and I appreciate when a guy puts the effort into arranging a date but I’m also a feminist and I have no qualms about being the one to orchestrate a date, pay for it, or ask him out for a second one.
5. I know my worth—anyone who doesn’t can GTFO. I’m sure of myself, and I’m not afraid to let someone know what I deserve out of a partnership. If someone isn’t adding value to my life, I have no problem cutting them out of it like Grandma cut my spoiled cousin out of her will.
6. I know what I want. It’s not about making a list and checking off boxes but I know what I’m looking for and the qualities that complement my own. I know what I’m attracted to physically and I know in which areas I’m not willing to compromise. I’m clear with my values and life goals and how those need to align with a future partner’s. Past mistakes have all been great learning experiences that have taken me to this place of awareness and I’m grateful for having gone through them.
7. I’m successful on my own. I’m doing my thing. I’m independent. I don’t need anyone to complete me and I know that. A partner would simply add whipped cream to my already whole apple pie. It feels absolutely amazing.
8. I don’t have time for games and I won’t put up with them. I’m busy living my life, having a career, volunteering and spending time with friends and family. I don’t waste my time with anyone who doesn’t add to my life. I don’t have time for purposely delayed texts. I respond when I see messages and if that’s too “clingy” for a guy then I don’t have time for him either.
9. There’s an app for that. Dating apps really do make it easier to meet people. We’re all busy, and bars are not the most efficient way to weed through potential daters. They’re crowded with tipsy singles and non-singles. It’s not always easy to differentiate between the two. We all have important things to do in the morning. I’m all for removing the obstacles and getting to an in-person date sooner.
10. Beer goggles are a thing of the past. Remember when you’d meet someone at a bar, think they were really cute, set up a date, meet again sober and think, “WTF? Did I catfish myself?” If you did it right, you probably don’t remember and that’s kind of the point. My days of stumbling out of an underage bar are long gone, and so are my days of setting up dates with someone I met promptly before ordering drunk pizza. Hold the cheese, please.
11. Social Media gives the inside scoop. Back in the day, the only way to get a peek into the life of someone you were dating was to actually date them. Go figure. Over time, you’d figure out who they were and what interests they had. These days, you can briefly peruse your date’s social media accounts to find out your their interests, travel frequency, friends they keep and whether their Saturdays are filled with protests or pancakes.
12. My vibe attracts more than just my friends. The energy I put out in this new decade of my life is one of confidence, happiness, ambition, and fullness. There’s no room for desperation, neediness, or emptiness. The energy I put out is the energy I’m attracting. My first two weeks of dating after my last relationship were abundant with pretty solid options, to say the least. This isn’t a brag—it’s just an illustration of the difference between now and my early 20s when I attracted jerk after jerk and couldn’t figure out why.
13. I don’t care if I’m in a relationship or not. I used to always feel like I needed someone. I said that I didn’t care if I was single but I was lying. If one relationship didn’t work out, I was already on the lookout for the next guy. Now? I can take it or leave it. If the connection is there, and I enjoy being with that person then I’m fully open to a relationship. If it’s not and I don’t, I’m perfectly fine closing that door and cooking for one.