Narcissists present a carefully crafted image to the outside world, but behind closed doors, they reveal a darker, more unsettling side. What they do when no one is watching is a far cry from their public persona. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, here are 15 alarming behaviors they secretly indulge in when they think no one’s looking.
1. They Obsess Over Their Reflection
Narcissists are known for their vanity, but in private, this can reach obsessive levels. Whether it’s mirrors, selfies, or just glancing at their reflection in any surface, they’ll spend an alarming amount of time admiring themselves. They get a rush from seeing their image, convincing themselves that they are superior to everyone else. This behavior fuels their constant need for validation.
2. They Fantasize About Power
When no one is around, a narcissist’s mind is often consumed with grandiose fantasies of unlimited success, power, and control. They imagine themselves at the top of the social ladder, receiving endless praise, admiration, and envy. These fantasies feed their deep-seated belief that they’re destined for greatness, even when they’re not making the moves to achieve it. It’s all about their inner sense of superiority.
3. They Throw Pity Party’s
Though they often appear arrogant and self-assured, narcissists secretly indulge in self-pity when they’re alone. They convince themselves that no one understands or appreciates them, and they think they are unfairly treated. This plays into their victim mentality and allows them to justify their manipulative and destructive behavior. In their mind, they’re the hero of their own tragic story.
4. They Blame Everyone Else
In their private moments, narcissists will mentally blame others for every problem in their lives. Nothing is ever their fault, whether it’s a failed relationship, a lost job, or even a simple inconvenience. They’ll rehearse arguments in their head, constructing elaborate justifications for why they’re always the victim. This inner dialogue reinforces their inability to take responsibility for anything.
5. They Relive Past Glories
When narcissists are alone, they often replay past moments of success or admiration in their minds. Whether it’s a promotion, a compliment, or a social event where they shone, they’ll revisit these moments obsessively. This helps them sustain their inflated self-worth and keep their egos intact. Reliving past glories is their way of convincing themselves they’re still at the top.
6. They Spy on Others Online
Narcissists are notorious for obsessively checking up on people, especially exes or anyone they perceive as competition. Behind closed doors, they’ll spend hours scrolling through social media profiles, analyzing every post, comment, or photo. It’s all part of their need to stay in control and fuel their envy or superiority complex. They may even create fake accounts to track people without getting caught.
7. They Practice Manipulation Techniques
Narcissists don’t just manipulate on the fly—they actively rehearse how to twist situations to their advantage. In private, they’ll strategize about how to get what they want from others, replaying conversations or predicting reactions. Whether it’s gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or flattering, they refine their tactics behind closed doors. These rehearsals ensure they’re ready to manipulate any situation to their benefit.
8. They Rage in Private
While a narcissist may present a calm, composed exterior, they often let loose in private. Their temper can be explosive when no one is watching, and they’ll take out their frustration on inanimate objects, slam doors, or punch walls. This private rage is an outlet for their pent-up anger and feelings of inadequacy, though they’ll make sure no one ever sees this side of them.
9. They Pretend They’re On Stage
Narcissists often imagine themselves as the center of attention, even in private. They’ll rehearse speeches, conversations, or arguments, talking to themselves as if performing for an audience. These private performances are about practicing how they’ll present themselves to the world, ensuring they’re always in control of the narrative. It’s a bizarre behavior, but it feeds their need for admiration.
10. They Diss Others
In their private thoughts, narcissists will often diminish the successes of others to make themselves feel superior. Whether it’s a coworker’s promotion or a friend’s accomplishment, they’ll mentally tear it down. They might think, “They only got that because they got lucky,” or “I could’ve done that if I tried.” By undermining others’ achievements, they reinforce their belief that they are the real stars.
11. They Rehearse Fake Empathy
Narcissists know they need to appear empathetic to maintain relationships, so they’ll practice showing fake concern or compassion in private. They’ll rehearse responses to emotional situations to come across as caring when, in reality, they couldn’t care less. This rehearsed empathy allows them to manipulate others into believing they’re more sensitive and understanding than they genuinely are.
12. They Secretly Create Competition
Narcissists often see life as a competition, even with people they claim to love. They’ll compare their achievements, appearance, or status with friends and family members, mentally tallying who’s “winning.” This secret competition can lead to feelings of resentment or jealousy, but the narcissist will hide it behind a façade of support. They can’t stand the thought of someone close to them outshining them.
13. They Flex Their Superior Complex
Narcissists often isolate themselves on purpose because it allows them to reinforce their feelings of superiority. By withdrawing from social situations, they can tell themselves that no one is worth their time or that they’re “above” everyone else. In isolation, they can indulge in their grandiose fantasies without the reality check of interacting with others. Solitude becomes a twisted form of self-importance.
14. They Replay Revenge Scenarios
When they feel wronged—whether real or imagined—narcissists will privately fantasize about getting revenge. These revenge fantasies can be elaborate and vengeful, involving scenarios where they “win” and their perceived enemies are humiliated. While they might not always act on these thoughts, the fantasies help them maintain their sense of control and superiority in situations where they feel powerless.
15. They Obsessively Monitor Their Reputation
Even in private, narcissists are consumed with how others perceive them. They’ll constantly monitor their social status, checking social media for likes, compliments, or any signs of approval. They’ll replay conversations, analyzing every detail to ensure they come out on top. Their obsession with their reputation is all-consuming, and they’ll go to great lengths to protect the image they’ve crafted.
