Growing up with overbearing parents can leave lasting scars that can stay with us into adulthood. If someone constantly needs approval and struggles with boundaries, they were likely raised in a super strict or controlling household. These 15 behaviors can subtly impact how they approach life, relationships, and self-esteem.
1. They Bury What They Want
People who grew up with overbearing parents struggle to admit what they want. It’s not that they don’t have desires; they’ve just spent so long catering to their parent’s wishes that they’ve lost touch with their needs and preferences. Overbearing parents often impose their dreams and goals on their kids, leaving little room for them to explore their desires. Over time, they lose sight of what they genuinely want for themselves.
2. They Rely on Others to Guide the Way
They often seek guidance, reassurance, or even permission before making decisions because they were never allowed to trust their judgment. Now, they rely on others to tell them what to do, afraid of getting it wrong on their own. Growing up with parents who controlled every aspect of their lives, they never had the opportunity to develop decision-making skills, leaving them feeling lost as adults.
3. They Wrestle with Their Identity
Having spent so much time trying to meet their parents’ expectations, they may find it difficult to understand who they are and what they truly want out of life. This can leave them feeling disconnected from their true selves. Their parents’ needs and goals shaped their identity, leaving them little chance to figure out their path and personality.
4. They’re Always Looking for Approval
Approval-seeking becomes second nature for someone raised by overbearing parents. Whether it’s validation at work, friendships, or romantic relationships, they constantly seek external confirmation that they’re doing things “right.” Their self-worth was tied to meeting their parents’ high expectations, so now they look to others for the validation they were conditioned to crave.
5. Their Decision-Making Skills are Non-Existent
When even small decisions feel overwhelming, it’s likely because they’re used to someone else making choices for them. Now, the idea of deciding something—big or small—can feel paralyzing. Their parents didn’t allow them the freedom to practice decision-making as kids, so they never developed confidence in their ability to choose what’s best for them.
6. The Thought of Failure Keeps Them Up at Night
Fear of failure is often a lingering anxiety from childhood. When making mistakes is treated like the end of the world, they might grow up terrified to try new things or take risks for fear of falling short. They were taught that failure wasn’t an option. The pressure to succeed at all costs, imposed by their parents, sticks with them long after childhood.
7. They Don’t Know What a Boundary Is
Setting boundaries feels impossible. They might feel obligated to please others or fear disappointing someone, making it hard to say “no” or prioritize their needs. Their parents didn’t respect their boundaries growing up, so the concept of setting personal limits feels unnatural or selfish.
8. They Bottle Their Emotions
If they were raised in an environment where showing emotion was seen as a weakness or discouraged, they might now struggle to express how they feel. Instead, they keep everything bottled up inside. Growing up in a household where certain emotions were dismissed or not allowed, they learned to suppress their feelings to avoid criticism or conflict.
9. They’re Diehard Perfectionists
Striving for perfection in every area of life—work, relationships, hobbies—can be exhausting, but they might feel that anything less is unacceptable. Perfectionism becomes a way to feel worthy. Their parents likely equated success with love and approval, teaching them to chase perfection as the only way to be valued.
10. They’re Chronic People-Pleasers
Years of trying to meet their parents’ demands have made them pros at putting others first, even at the expense of their own needs. They’ve been conditioned to make others happy, often at the cost of their well-being. Growing up, they learned that keeping the peace and making others happy was more important than standing up for their needs.
11. They’re Anxious in Relationships
They might feel anxious in relationships, constantly worrying about whether they’re doing enough or being “good enough” for their partner. This stems from a deep fear of not living up to expectations. Overbearing parents often made love feel conditional, leaving them with a constant fear of rejection or disappointment in their adult relationships.
12. They’re Super Hard on Themselves
Self-criticism comes easily. They always focus on what they could have done better, convinced they never do enough. Their inner critic is harsh, and they rarely cut themselves any slack. Being raised by overly critical parents, they learned to judge themselves harshly and strive for an unreachable standard of perfection.
13. They Sweat at the Idea of Taking Risks
The fear of making a mistake or failing can keep them from taking risks, even in low-stakes situations. They avoid anything that might not go perfectly, which can hold them back in their personal and professional lives. Overbearing parents discouraged risk-taking, making them associate it with failure and punishment rather than growth and opportunity.
14. They Burnout Trying to Overachieve
They’re often overachievers, pushing themselves to the limit because they believe their worth is tied to success. They’re constantly trying to prove themselves through their achievements, often to the point of burnout. Growing up, they were taught that their achievements were the only thing that mattered, so they continued to chase external validation through overworking and overachieving.
15. They Hide from Conflict
Conflict feels terrifying, so they avoid it at all costs, even when it means compromising their own needs or values. They’d rather go along with something they disagree with than face confrontation. In their childhood home, disagreements might not have been allowed, so they learned that conflict is something to fear rather than engage in healthily.
