It’s easy to let things slide when you struggle with confidence and self-love. When we don’t feel worthy, we put up with behaviors we shouldn’t because we think we don’t deserve better or are afraid of rocking the boat. However, recognizing these 15 behaviors is the first step to setting healthier boundaries, honoring your needs, and showing yourself some love.
1. One-Sided Relationships
When you’re insecure about your worth, you end up in relationships where you always give while others take. You put in all the effort, and the other never reciprocates, leaving you drained and undervalued.
Why It Happens: You believe you have to earn love or friendship, and by constantly giving, you try to avoid the risk of being abandoned.
How to Change It: Recognize that healthy relationships are a two-way street. Be open about your own needs, and don’t over-give—it’s okay to expect the same effort and care you give to others.
2. Dismissive Comments
You allow others to ignore your opinions and needs and keep quiet about things that bother you. Whether it’s a rude comment or a situation that makes you uncomfortable, you stay silent out of fear of causing drama or confrontation.
Why It Happens: You don’t want to be judged or rejected. You don’t speak up because you believe your feelings and opinions don’t count.
How to Change It: Practice speaking up for yourself with people you feel safe with. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to express them.
3. Disrespectful Treatment
When you don’t love yourself, you put up with people who treat you with disrespect. Whether it’s friends, family, or a partner talking down to you or dismissing your feelings, you let it slide because you feel you don’t deserve better.
Why It Happens: Low self-esteem can make you accept being mistreated, and you believe that if you stand up for yourself, you’ll be accused of overreacting.
How to Change It: Recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect and be more mindful when someone mistreats you. Identify your boundaries and assert them; people will respect you more.
4. Constant Criticism
You tolerate people who constantly criticize you about your appearance, choices, or abilities. Over time, this chips away at your self-esteem, making you feel like you can’t do anything right.
Why It Happens: When you’re critical of yourself, it’s easy to accept others’ criticism as the truth and feel like you have to change to gain their approval.
How to Change It: Challenge the idea that criticism is valid. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you instead of constantly tearing you down.
5. Having Your Needs Ignored
You stay silent about your own needs and let them go unmet. You don’t ask for or receive enough emotional support, affection, or time from others. Perhaps you aren’t aware of your needs or believe voicing what you need makes you seem demanding.
Why It Happens: Low self-esteem can make you feel your needs aren’t as important as others, so you put them on the back burner, which can make you resentful.
How to Change It: Identify your needs and values and voice them. Communication is important, as people can’t support or meet them if they don’t know what they are.
6. Being Guilt-tripped
When you don’t value yourself, you may not recognize manipulative behavior, or you do, and you tolerate it. This can include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or being made to feel responsible for someone else’s emotions and actions.
Why It Happens: You might not realize you’re being manipulated, think it’s normal, or feel insecure about challenging the behavior.
How to Change It: Learn to recognize the signs of manipulation, stand up for yourself, and recognize that you are responsible for others’ emotions and don’t owe anyone anything.
7. Not Being Shown Appreciation
You invest a lot of effort and energy into people and situations but rarely get any acknowledgment or appreciation. No one notices what you do, and you continue to over-give at your own expense.
Why It Happens: You don’t believe that you’re not worthy of praise or have fooled yourself into thinking you’re just doing what’s expected of you.
How to Change It: Start by acknowledging your efforts and seek out environments and relationships where your contributions are recognized. It’s okay to advocate for yourself and the things you have done.
8. Being Taken Advantage of at Work
You take on too much work at work, pushing yourself to exhaustion. You believe your worth is tied to your productivity, and you allow others to pile on more work and take advantage of you.
Why It Happens: You feel you must prove your worth through hard work and overachievement, and success equals acceptance.
How to Change It: Set boundaries around your time and energy and make time for self-care. Start valuing and respecting yourself, which will rub off on others.
9. Being Taken for Granted
When you’re always the one who’s available to help, others can take advantage of you. If someone suspects you have low self-esteem or no boundaries, they will walk all over you.
Why It Happens: You consider always being available and offering support as the way to earn love and respect.
How to Change It: Set boundaries, communicate that your time and effort are valuable and should be respected, and learn to say no.
10. Half-Hearted Apologies
When someone upsets or hurts you, they offer a half-hearted apology, and you just let it go. You consider pushing for a genuine apology will make you seem difficult or high-maintenance.
Why It Happens: You feel like you don’t deserve a sincere apology or are making a big deal out of nothing.
How to Change It: Acknowledge your feelings, remind yourself you are worthy of an apology, and express it when one feels insincere.
11. Settling for Less
You stay in relationships and situations that don’t make you happy because you don’t believe you deserve better. Whether it’s a job going nowhere or a partner who is toxic or treats you badly, you stick it out and silence your inner voice.
Why It Happens: Insecurity can make you believe you should be grateful for what you have, even if it’s not what you truly want or need.
How to Change It: Start exploring what you want and taking steps toward it. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
12. Allowing Negative Self-Talk
In your head is a constant stream of negative self-talk, telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy of anything. This internal dialogue can be more damaging than any criticism from others.
Why It Happens: You internalize negativity and accept what your inner voice says as truth, making it hard to break the cycle.
How to Change It: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself of your worth—write down three things you love about yourself daily.
13. Disloyal People
You put up with people who aren’t truly loyal—friends who talk behind your back, unfaithful partners, or colleagues who undermine you. You’ve convinced yourself it’s better to have them in your life than to be alone.
Why It Happens: You settle for less than you deserve because you fear abandonment.
How to Change It: Loyalty is a basic expectation in any relationship, so surround yourself with supportive and trustworthy people. And show the others the door.
14. Not Prioritizing Your Personal Growth
When you don’t love yourself, you avoid opportunities for growth and improvement and stick to what’s comfortable. Even if it’s not fulfilling, change feels too risky, so you stay in the safe lane.
Why It Happens: Insecurity can make you fear failure, and you believe you can’t grow or that trying new experiences will expose your weaknesses.
How to Change It: Embrace the idea that growth is a natural part of life and challenge yourself to switch up your routine and step out of your comfort zone.
15. Ignoring Your Gut
You push your own feelings aside and ignore what’s in your heart because you don’t feel worthy. You tend to prioritize others’ emotions over your own, so your needs go unmet.
Why It Happens: You believe you and your feelings don’t matter and are afraid of being seen as selfish for expressing them.
How to Change It: Start acknowledging and honoring your feelings and telling yourself your emotions are valid. Step one is identifying them, and in time, you can act on them
