Growing up, we all want to feel loved and understood by our parents. But sometimes, despite their best intentions, they miss the mark in truly understanding who we are. You’re not alone if you felt like you were talking to a wall or that your parents didn’t get where you were coming from. Here are 15 signs that show your parents didn’t really “get” you.
1. They Ignored Your Interests
Whenever you showed excitement over something, they brushed it off as a phase or tried to steer you toward something else. Maybe they didn’t see the point of your hobbies or thought they weren’t practical or helpful.
How it Impacted You: Their focus on what they thought was best for you made you feel invalidated. It also left you feeling like your passions weren’t important.
2. They Lived Vicariously Through You
Instead of asking what you wanted, they pushed their dreams and agenda onto you. Whether it was a sport, career, or hobby, they were hellbent on you fulfilling their unachieved ambitions.
How it Impacted You: By projecting their desires onto you without considering your interests or aspirations, you felt their expectations overshadowed your identity.
3. They Dismissed Your Feelings
When you were upset or emotional, they told you to “get over it” or said, “It’s not that big of a deal.” They might not have known how to handle emotions, so they minimized yours instead of offering support.
How it Impacted: You felt invalidated and misunderstood when they downplayed and dismissed your feelings and emotions (good and bad). Now, you have a hard time opening up.
4. They Expected You to Fit a Mold
They had a very strong idea about how you should act, your appearance, and your interests. They might have discouraged you from expressing your individuality or exploring who you are and tried to force you into a mold.
How it Impacted You: This made you feel like you weren’t good enough and damaged your sense of self. You can feel like an imposter going through the world.
5. They Took Zero Interest in Your Friends
Your friends were a huge part of your world, but your parents showed little interest in getting to know them. They might have even criticized your choice of friends and didn’t consider your social life important.
How it Impacted You: You felt disconnected from your family and missed the opportunity for them to share in your friendships and the joy they provided you. It’s left you closed off.
6. They Had Unrealistic Expectations
No matter what you achieved, it was never enough in your parents’ eyes. They may have felt they were motivating you but pushed you beyond your limits without acknowledging your accomplishments.
How it Impacted You: You felt constant pressure to be perfect or reach unattainable standards. You’ve set a high bar for yourself and have a deep sense of failure.
7. They Didn’t Respect Your Privacy
They were controlling and went through your things, read your diary, and listened to your conversations. They never allowed you to have a safe space or respected your boundaries.
How it Impacted You: You felt anxious and under constant surveillance. Now, you struggle to set boundaries and make decisions for yourself.
8. They Quashed Your Creativity
They didn’t take your creative outlets seriously, whether you loved painting, writing, music, or other creative pursuits. They probably told you to focus on more “practical” activities and emphasized hard work over pleasure.
How it Impacted You: It robbed you of your job and might have put you on a career path you didn’t want. You could have also sidelined your dreams.
9. They Compared You to Others
They played the comparison game, always pointing out what other kids were doing, how better their grades were, the extracurricular activities they did, and their good behavior. The message was clear: you didn’t measure up.
How it Impacted You: It derailed your self-esteem and made you feel like you were always coming up short. Now, you compare yourself to everyone.
10. They Didn’t “Get” Your Personality
If you were introverted, they pushed you to be more outgoing. If you were outgoing, they told you to tone it down. They didn’t understand you or accept your quirks and wanted you to conform to the “norm.”
How it Impacted You: You felt out of place in your family and your own skin, and now you struggle with an identity crisis.
11. They Criticized Your Choices
Whenever you made a decision about your career, friends, or lifestyle, they questioned or criticized it. They had a different vision for your life, and nothing you chose was ever right.
How it Impacted You: You didn’t feel supported or that they trusted you, and now you don’t trust your own judgment and agonize over every decision.
12. They Downplayed Your Struggles
When you opened up about something you were struggling with, they made fun or light of it. They might have said things like “You’ll be fine” or “It’s not that serious” with good intentions to make you feel better.
How it Impacted You: They may have had good intentions to make you feel better quickly, but it can feel like they didn’t really listen or take your struggles seriously.
13. They Didn’t Celebrate Your Achievements
When you worked hard and accomplished something you were proud of, your parents barely acknowledged it or took it for granted. No matter what you did, it was expected and not worthy of celebration.
How it Impacted You: You felt small and unworthy of your successes, and now you’re always focused on the next goal without acknowledging your achievements.
14. They Made You Feel Guilty for Being Different
If your interests, beliefs, or lifestyle didn’t align with your parent’s values, they couldn’t accept them and made you feel guilty or ashamed. You might have been told, “We didn’t raise you this way,” or “Why can’t you be more like…”
How it Impacted You: You carry a sense of shame or feel the need to conform to make them happy—at the risk of your happiness.
15. They Never Listened
When you tried to talk about something important, they didn’t listen or interrupted and changed the subject. They could have been preoccupied with their own lives or weren’t interested in what you had to say.
How it Impacted You: This left you feeling like your voice and opinions didn’t matter, and now you remain silent or don’t know how to advocate for yourself.
