Have you ever been talking to someone and realized fairly quickly they weren’t as mature as you thought they were? Everyone enjoys a conversation partner on their level, so spotting critical phrases that reveal someone’s maturity level can be helpful. So, we’ve compiled this list of conversational patterns that reveal someone’s maturity level so you can find a better conversationalist and improve your conversational maturity.
1. “It’s not my fault.”
Do your friends, family members, or partners constantly dodge blame? This can be a telltale sign of immaturity. Claiming that you’re not at fault is fair occasionally, but it’s unreasonable to believe that nothing that happens to you is ever your fault. Whether you’re directly responsible or play a part, it shows emotional maturity to claim your stake in a situation.
2.”I understand your perspective.”
Validating other people’s opinions is important. By respecting and creating space for your opinion and their own, they show they’re not afraid of having a real conversation. They understand that a conversation is a give-and-take. Even if they don’t necessarily agree, they’re still able to assert their opinion respectfully, and that’s desirable. This conversational pattern, even when followed with a rebuttal, can show a lot of maturity.
3. Dominating the conversation.
This isn’t a phrase so much as a habit that immature people have. Nothing is worse than being talked at by someone; it can make you feel like they don’t care about your opinion. Immature people often feel the need to share their every thought and feeling, but never pause to think what their conversation partner might think. The most ironic part is by dominating, they’re proving they have nothing worthy to say.
4.”I want to be clear when I say this…”
This is a maturity green flag. Clarity and intention are two big factors in effective communication, and it’s impressive when someone assures you upfront of that. These people know what they want to say, and they’ll say it plainly, which takes games and guesswork out of the equation. If this person consistently clarifies their intent and avoids misunderstandings, it’s a sign that they’re very mature.
5. “You Always…” or “You Never…”
This conversational pattern belongs in the trash. It’s invalidating, exaggerated, disrespectful, and usually blind condemnation that has no place in proper conversations. No one is consistent enough for that accusation. It’s a way of expressing a distaste for behavior that an immature person will use that blows it out of proportion and doesn’t force them to take any accountability. If someone uses this one during arguments, they are not mature, plain and simple.
6. Not raising their voice.
Again, not a phrase but a habit. Sometimes, when angry, upset, or otherwise emotionally compromised, we raise our voices or yell. This, however, is a conversational faux pas and can show that you have poor emotional regulation. Mature individuals will find ways to avoid getting to the point that they’re so mad they shout. Mastering the art of controlling your emotions, even in a tense situation, makes you pretty impressive and mature in my book.
7. “I don’t care.”
Out of the gate, “I don’t care” should be a red flag for you. People who care deeply but try to shut down the conversation instead of acknowledging it might say this. It demonstrates poor emotional intelligence and that they would rather leave than face a potentially embarrassing situation, which is not good. Aside from how discouraging it can be when it comes up a lot in conversations, it’s also a pretty obvious sign the person you’re talking to isn’t mature.
8. “Sorry, I will do better next time.”
You may not always see eye to eye with the people in your life. However, it takes an emotionally mature person to reconcile with them in the best way possible. The best reconciliations begin with understanding what happened, apologizing, and proactively resolving the situation. Hearing someone say this after an argument is music to our ears; it shows that they really care and are putting effort into what you care about.
9.”Whatever!”
In the same vein as the “I don’t care people,” “Whatever” is the equivalent of slamming the door on a conversation. “Whatever” means they don’t care about the outcome, they don’t care what you have to say, and they don’t have anything to contribute. The most telling thing is the timing of the “whatever”. If someone’s been talked into a corner and has no other options to further their agenda, they’ll pull the plug on the whole operation. This tactic is counterproductive, and it’s certainly not mature.
10. They are consistent.
We all know that people who ghost potential matches on dating sites are immature and scared of conflict, but the same goes for people who dodge conversations with friends and loved ones. Whether in words or deeds, mature people show up and stand by the precedents they set in a conversation. For example, if you say you are an honest person and constantly lie, that shows a lack of self-awareness and, thus, your maturity. Mature people won’t abandon you when things get rough and will consistently prove they are who they say they are.
11. “I can’t.”
We’ve all been guilty of doubting ourselves in the past. However, someone who habitually refuses to own their capability could show immaturity. These people could be chronically lazy or struggle with self-esteem, neither of which is reassuring. Mature people may not always be more self-assured, but they are more likely to try, as they are less easily embarrassed or shaken in the face of challenges.
12.”I need to calm down first.”
Emotional control is a sure sign of maturity. Where a childish person might be explosive and prone to tantrums, a mature adult will better regulate their emotional response. When we take a minute to regulate ourselves during an argument, the chances of it going nuclear drop dramatically. Mature people don’t have time for screaming matches that accomplish nothing, so ensuring it doesn’t go there is a good sign.
13. “You should be more like ___.”
We all want our peers to accept us for who we are, so hearing that they wish we were someone else can be a bit of a heartbreaker. Often, immature people know this and still go for the low blow to shame you. You may already know shame is a go-to tactic for emotional manipulators, so it’s no surprise that emotionally immature people who are bad at regulating their needs resort to the same. If someone constantly tells you how you should be or compares you to others, they are likely immature and possibly even cruel.
14.”I’d like to hear your perspective.”
As you mature, you may feel less need to dominate the conversation. You will realize that other people have much to teach you, and everyone is on their own journey with individual beliefs. You may not agree with all they say, but being willing to listen for the opportunity to learn something new demonstrates open-mindedness and maturity.
15. Using a lot of profanity or derogatory language.
Despite how easy it can be to use profanity and derogatory language in a casual setting, it’s not always a good look. The use of profanity has been shown to make you seem less intelligent, and demeaning language, such as the use of slurs, could paint you as intolerant or bigoted. Trust me when I say no one wants to be perceived that way. If you can avoid overuse, you show reasonable impulse control, respect, and, most importantly, maturity.
16. Want A Partner? Attract Love With The Power Of Your Mind.
Our sister site, Sweetn, is a new research-based startup that shows you how to call love into your life with the power of your mind. Take their quiz, and try their tools—they can transform your energy and your love life in a few weeks. Just click here.
