It’s easy to spot an overt narcissist—after all, they’re the loudest person in the room, demanding all eyes on them. But a covert narcissist? That’s trickier. They’re sneakier, more subtle, and fly under the radar while inflicting harm. Here are 15 differences between these two flavors of narcissism.
1. Flashy vs. Finesse
An overt narcissist lives for flashy gestures that put them firmly in the center of attention. They’re the peacocks strutting around in neon, wearing expensive outfits, talking loudly, and making grand declarations about anything and everything (but mostly themselves). Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are all about more subtle finesse. They blend in and appear modest and humble on the surface, but don’t be fooled. These narcs crave admiration as much as their flashy cousins. Think of them as wearing designer clothes without labels—they still want you to know but they don’t scream it in your face.
2. Confidence vs. The Victim Card
Overt narcissists come across as overconfident (delusionally so), and you can spot their ginormous egos at ten paces. They genuinely believe they are the best at everything and the most important person on earth. Covert narcissists? They play the victim card—their self-obsession comes through as “poor me.” Poor things are the underdogs who have been wronged in this cruel world. Both crave validation, but one goes about it with their superiority complex, while the other plays on your sympathy.
3. Loud Complaints vs. Silent Disdain
Overts will tell you loudly when something or someone has offended them (more like bruising their ego). They’ll air grievances like it’s their full-time job. For covert narcissists, the resentment simmers. They won’t say it to your face but secretly catalog every slight, real or imagined. It’s passive-aggressive vibes all around. Overt = drama; Covert = subtle sabotage.
4. Public Showdowns vs. Private Manipulation
Overt narcissists feed off confrontations and love public battles. They want everyone to witness the drama and see how right they are. Covert narcissists prefer backroom deals. They manipulate behind the scenes, so you might even realize you’re caught up in their web until it’s too late. Overt narcissists crave an audience; covert narcissists want to pull and control the strings secretly.
5. Charming vs. “Who, Me?”
The thing that attracts people to overt narcissists is they can charm the pants off anyone. Covert narcissists, however, go for a low-key “Who, me?” approach. They don’t try to dazzle you with grandiosity; they lure you with the shy, innocent routine. They act sensitive and fragile, making you want to protect them—and that’s precisely where they want you.
6. Bragging Rights vs. Understated Superiority
Overt narcissists will brag all day about their long list of achievements and possessions. Their house? It’s the biggest in the street. Their car? Brand new and the latest model. Covert narcissists never boast, but they have an understated superiority complex. They’ll downplay their successes so people tell them how amazing and talented they are. They trick people into shining the spotlight on them without seeming like they’re asking for it.
7. Taking Credit vs. Deflecting Praise
An overt narcissist has zero shame about taking credit for every good idea or project—whether it was actually theirs or not. Covert narcissists, however, might deflect praise when it’s offered to them, playing humble while secretly soaking it up. They’ll say things like, “Oh, it was nothing,” but they’re high-fiving themselves in their heads. It’s all about playing the modest card while still getting fed ego cookies.
8. Fear of Failure vs. Fear of Exposure
Overt narcissists fear failure above all else. They will go to great lengths to avoid being seen as a failure. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, fear exposure. They dread people seeing through their carefully constructed façade of humility and realizing they’re just as self-absorbed as any other narcissist. It’s like they’re always living in fear of being unmasked.
9. Tantrums vs. Martyrdom
An overt narcissist throws tantrums when they don’t get their way—shouting, slamming doors, and demanding attention. Covert narcissists? They’ll martyr themselves instead. They want you to see how much they’re suffering because no one understands them. Instead of yelling, they’ll silently suffer—and make sure you feel bad for not recognizing their pain.
10. Dominance vs. Pity
Overts dominate a room. Their voice will rise above the crowd, and they’ll impose their opinions, wanting to be the leader in every situation. Covert narcissists, though, aren’t interested in leading outright. They prefer to be the ones you feel sorry for. They weaponize pity and use emotional manipulation rather than physical or verbal domination.
11. Attention-Seeking vs. Attention-Dodging
An overt narcissist will do anything for attention. Covert narcissists also crave attention but dodge it when it’s negative or doesn’t feed into their victim narrative. They don’t want to be noticed unless it’s for how much they’re suffering, misunderstood, or unfairly treated. Overts want all attention, while coverts cherry-pick the attention, only taking anything that feeds their ego.
12. Self-Inflation vs. Self-Deprecation
Overt narcissists inflate themselves. They’re the best, the brightest, the most accomplished—just ask them. Covert narcissists, meanwhile, are more likely to downplay themselves through strategic self-deprecation. “Oh, I’m not really that good,” they’ll say. It’s all part of the subtlety: they want you to pump them up without being obvious about it.
13. Spotlight Hog vs. Shadow Puppet Master
Overts demand the spotlight. They’re the ones hogging the conversation, the stage, and the limelight. Covert narcissists prefer to operate in the shadows, pulling strings from behind the scenes. They like to manipulate outcomes without appearing to be involved. Overt narcissists want you to see their power; covert narcissists want you to feel it.
14. Aggressive vs. Passive-Aggressive
An overt narcissist is direct, bold, and often aggressive. Covert narcissists are masters of passive-aggressiveness. They’ll agree to do something, then do a poor job or drag their feet. Their resentment comes out subtly—nothing outright hostile, just enough to let you know they’re unhappy, but you can’t call them on it.
15. Hypervisibility vs. Calculated Invisibility
Overt narcissists live for being hypervisible. They want to be seen, heard and admired at all times. Covert narcissists are calculated in their invisibility. They’ll blend into the background, so when they do step forward, it feels more impactful. They use invisibility as a tool, allowing them to manipulate without you ever suspecting a thing.
