Navigating relationships with narcissists can be a tricky business. One particularly frustrating aspect is their knack for non-apologies. These are the kind of “sorry not sorry” statements that leave you feeling confused, unheard, and even more hurt. So, let’s decode some of these fake apologies so you can spot them from a mile away.
1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This one’s a classic. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, the narcissist turns it around on you. It’s as if your feelings are the problem, not their behavior. This apology is designed to invalidate your emotions and make you question your own reactions.
2. “I’m sorry, but…”
Whenever you hear the word “but” after an apology, it negates everything that came before it. It’s a way for the narcissist to justify their actions, shift the blame, or minimize the impact of their behavior. This apology is more about defending themselves than expressing genuine remorse.
3. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
The “if” in this apology is a sneaky way of avoiding accountability, Forbes notes. It implies that maybe you weren’t hurt, or that your hurt feelings are your own fault. This apology is conditional and lacks sincerity, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated.
4. “You know I didn’t mean it.”
This apology tries to dismiss the impact of their actions by claiming good intentions. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility by focusing on their supposed feelings rather than the harm they caused. This apology can be particularly frustrating because it ignores the fact that actions often speak louder than words.
5. “I’m sorry, okay?”
This apology lacks any real remorse or understanding of the impact of their actions. It’s more about getting you to drop the issue and move on than genuinely apologizing. The dismissive tone and lack of elaboration can leave you feeling unheard and frustrated.
6. “I was just joking.”
This apology is often used to excuse hurtful comments or behavior. It’s a way of dismissing your feelings by claiming that they weren’t serious. However, using humor as a shield doesn’t change the fact that their words or actions were hurtful.
7. “I already apologized.”
This apology is used to shut down any further discussion about the issue. It implies that they’ve already done their part by offering an apology, even if it wasn’t sincere or sufficient. This tactic can be frustrating because it prevents you from expressing your feelings or seeking a resolution.
8. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a classic gaslighting tactic. Instead of acknowledging their hurtful behavior, the narcissist blames your sensitivity. It’s a way of making you doubt your own emotions and reactions, making you feel like you’re the problem, not them.
9. “I’m sorry, but you made me do it.”
This is another blame-shifting tactic, Psychology Today explains. The narcissist refuses to take responsibility for their actions, instead pointing the finger at you. They might claim that your behavior or words provoked them, effectively absolving themselves of any wrongdoing. This apology is manipulative and dismissive, leaving you feeling responsible for their hurtful actions.
10. “I’m sorry, but everyone else does it too.”
This apology attempts to normalize their behavior by suggesting that it’s common or acceptable. It’s a way of deflecting blame and avoiding accountability. This tactic can be particularly hurtful because it minimizes the impact of their actions and makes you feel like your concerns are invalid.
11. “I said I was sorry, what more do you want?”
This apology comes with a sense of entitlement and frustration. The narcissist believes that simply saying “I’m sorry” is enough, regardless of the sincerity or depth of their apology. This response dismisses your need for a genuine apology and resolution, leaving you feeling unheard and unimportant.
12. “You’re lucky I even apologized.”
This apology is dripping with arrogance and condescension. The narcissist implies that they’re doing you a favor by apologizing, even if their apology is insincere or inadequate. This tactic is designed to make you feel grateful for their minimal effort and to discourage you from seeking a more meaningful apology.
13. “I’m sorry, but it’s your fault for not understanding.”
This apology blames you for not being able to decipher their intentions or understand their perspective. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility by shifting the blame onto your supposed lack of comprehension. This tactic is manipulative and invalidating, leaving you feeling confused and frustrated.
14. “I’m sorry, but I’m not perfect.”
This apology is a non-apology masquerading as humility. It acknowledges their imperfection but doesn’t take responsibility for the specific actions that caused harm. It’s a way of deflecting blame and avoiding accountability by focusing on their general fallibility rather than the specific issue at hand.
15. The silent treatment.
Sometimes, the most hurtful apology is no apology at all. The narcissist might simply withdraw and refuse to communicate, leaving you feeling ignored and abandoned. This silent treatment is a passive-aggressive tactic designed to punish you and make you feel guilty for seeking a resolution.
