We’ve all nodded along knowing something’s off while someone spouts what sounds like pleasantries. That’s because language can be a smoke screen, and certain phrases have become the go-to masks for people who want to appear kind while actually dismissing you, disagreeing with you, or straight-up lying to your face. These verbal sleights are harmless on the surface but often hide sharper intentions underneath. Let’s pull back the curtain on these everyday deceptions.
1. “With All Due Respect…”
Nobody has ever said “with all due respect” before saying something respectful. People drop this phrase right before they’re about to completely disregard whatever you just did or said, which is a form of passive-aggressive behavior, according to the Mayo Clinic. It’s a thin veneer of politeness that’s supposed to make their incoming criticism somehow less offensive as if those four magic words neutralize whatever dismissive comment follows.
The most frustrating part is how it puts you in an awkward position to respond. If you get defensive, suddenly you’re the one who “can’t take criticism,” even though the criticism was wrapped in fake courtesy to begin with. Next time someone starts a sentence this way, brace yourself—they’re not acknowledging the respect you’re due; they’re just cushioning the blow of the respect they’re about to deny you. It’s basically saying, “I know I should respect your opinion, but I absolutely don’t, and here’s why.”
2. “I’m Just Being Honest…”
When someone prefixes their comment with “I’m just being honest,” what they’re really saying is, “I’m about to say something potentially hurtful, but I want immunity from any negative reaction.” The phrase attempts to reframe their lack of tact or consideration as some kind of virtue—the brave truth-teller just keeping it real. Research in deception detection suggests that these types of verbal cues are not reliable indicators of truthfulness
Notice how rarely this phrase is followed by actual evidence that they see what you’re saying. Instead, it usually precedes some version of “But here’s why that won’t work” or “You’re missing the bigger picture.” Next time someone uses this phrase, pay attention to whether they can actually restate your position accurately before they respond to it. If they can’t, they weren’t seeing what you were saying—they were just waiting for their turn to speak.
3. “That’s An Interesting Point…”
When someone tells you “That’s an interesting point,” they’re usually not fascinated by your brilliant insight—they’re buying time while they figure out how to shut down your idea without looking like a jerk. What makes this phrase particularly sneaky is how it masquerades as engagement while actually creating distance from whatever you just said, keeping your thought at arm’s length where it can be safely examined and then discarded.
The follow-up usually gives away the game entirely. Watch for the inevitable “but” that comes next, followed by their complete dismissal of what you contributed. Or worse, they might simply acknowledge your “interesting point” and then continue as if you never spoke at all. The real kicker is that this phrase makes you doubt yourself, which is a common gaslighting tactic, according to Forbes. Next time someone finds your contribution “interesting,” pay close attention to what happens next, the word is almost never a compliment.
4. “Let Me Look Into That…”
When someone says they’ll “look into that,” what they often mean is “I hope you forget about this before I have to address it again.” It’s the verbal equivalent of tossing your request into a black hole. They get the immediate win of appearing helpful and responsive without the inconvenience of actually doing anything. It’s vague enough to create the impression of commitment while providing zero timelines and is a way to avoid accountability, according to Global English Editing.
The brilliance of this phrase is how it shifts responsibility away from action and toward some nebulous research phase that may never end. If you follow up later, they can always claim they’re still “in the process” of looking into it, creating an indefinite holding pattern. The more times you hear this phrase from the same person without results, the more certain you can be that they’re using it as a stalling tactic. What they really mean is “This isn’t a priority for me, but I don’t want the awkwardness of saying no directly.”
5. “I’ll Take It Under Advisement…”
“I’ll take it under advisement” is corporate-speak for “I’ve already decided to ignore your suggestion, but I want to sound thoughtful about it.” It’s the language of someone who wants to appear open-minded while having absolutely no intention of considering your input. This phrase creates the illusion of deliberation where none will occur, letting them check the box of “listened to feedback” without the messy business of potentially changing their mind or plans based on what they heard.
What makes this particularly frustrating is the false hope it creates. You walk away thinking your idea might actually have a chance, when in reality, it was dead on arrival. It’s a way of managing you rather than managing your idea—designed to make you feel valued while your actual contribution is being devalued.
6. “I See What You’re Saying…”
When someone tells you “I see what you’re saying,” they often mean “I’ve identified the flaw in your logic and I’m about to correct you.” This positions the speaker as deeply understanding and empathetic, creating the impression they’ve fully absorbed your perspective when really they’re just setting up their counterargument. It’s a way of suggesting they’ve given your ideas fair consideration before they proceed to dismantle them.
Notice how rarely this phrase is followed by actual evidence that they see what you’re saying. Instead, it usually precedes some version of “But here’s why that won’t work” or “You’re missing the bigger picture.” Next time someone uses this phrase, pay attention to whether they can actually restate your position accurately before they respond to it.
7. “We Should Catch Up Sometime…”
“We should catch up sometime” is the social equivalent of those “Coming Soon” signs on empty storefronts that never actually open. It’s what people say when they want to appear interested in maintaining a relationship without the inconvenience of scheduling an actual meeting. The vagueness is the first red flag—no specific date, time, or even general timeframe is suggested, just the nebulous “sometime” that could theoretically be any moment between now and the heat death of the universe.
What makes this even more hollow is how it usually comes without any follow-up attempt to make plans. If someone genuinely wanted to catch up, they’d say something like “Are you free next Thursday?” or at least “Let’s find a time next month.” Without that specificity, “catching up sometime” is just a comfortable fiction that allows both parties to pretend they’re still connected while requiring zero effort to actually connect. It’s a placeholder for a friendship rather than an actual investment in one.
8. “I Understand Where You’re Coming From, But…”
When someone says “I understand where you’re coming from, but,” what they really mean is “I’ve waited politely through your explanation and now I’m going to completely disregard it.” This phrase creates the illusion of empathy without requiring the speaker to actually incorporate your perspective into their thinking. The “but” negates everything that came before it, revealing the supposed understanding as merely performative.
By claiming to understand your position before rejecting it, they’re implying they’ve given it fair consideration and found it wanting—which makes their dismissal seem more justified. It also makes it harder for you to accuse them of not listening or being close-minded.
9. “I Don’t Mean To Interrupt, But…”
When someone says “I don’t mean to interrupt, but,” they absolutely mean to interrupt—they just want credit for acknowledging the rudeness they’re about to commit. What makes this frustrating is the contradiction at its core: if they truly didn’t mean to interrupt, they simply wouldn’t. The phrase is an attempt to have it both ways—to break the social rule against interrupting while positioning themselves as polite and considerate.
This verbal move often reveals a person who wants to appear respectful of conversational boundaries while actually prioritizing their own need to speak. It creates the illusion of politeness while actually being quite dismissive—they’re essentially saying that whatever you were in the middle of saying is less important than what they want to say right now.
10. “I’ll Be Honest With You…”
When someone prefaces a statement with “I’ll be honest with you,” your first thought should be, “Wait, have you not been honest up until now?” It’s a strange phrase that unintentionally reveals more than intended—it suggests that honesty is the exception rather than their default mode of communication. People use this as a signal that they’re about to deviate from their usual diplomatic filter, as if they’re doing you a special favor by temporarily dropping the facade they normally maintain.
The real issue is how this phrase positions honesty as some kind of special occasion rather than the baseline expectation in conversation. It often precedes an opinion that’s either unnecessarily blunt or performatively candid, creating the impression of rare authenticity when it’s really just a way to make their perspective seem more valuable or truthful than yours. It’s manipulation disguised as transparency.
11. “Don’t Take This The Wrong Way…”
“Don’t take this the wrong way” is essentially saying “Please don’t have a completely predictable reaction to what I’m about to say.” It’s a preemptive attempt to control your response to something the speaker knows is likely to provoke a negative reaction. This phrase tries to place the responsibility for any offense on the listener—it’s not that what they’re saying is offensive; it’s that you might “take it the wrong way.” It shifts the burden from them to communicate respectfully to you to interpret charitably.
This phrase is a way of trying to bypass your normal emotional responses and critical judgment. By framing any negative reaction as a misinterpretation on your part, they’re setting up a situation where they can say almost anything while making you feel unreasonable for objecting. The next time someone starts a sentence this way, prepare yourself—they know exactly how their words are likely to be received, which is why they’re trying to manage your reaction in advance.
12. “Not To Be Critical, But…”
When someone says “not to be critical, but,” you can be absolutely certain they’re about to criticize you. It’s like watching someone put on boxing gloves while claiming they have no intention of hitting you. This phrase attempts to create plausible deniability for the criticism that follows, allowing the speaker to deliver their negative assessment while maintaining the fiction that criticism wasn’t their aim. It’s a way of trying to avoid being seen as judgmental while actively judging.
It’s an attempt to bypass the social contract where direct criticism might invite defensiveness or require a certain level of established trust. By denying that criticism is their intent, they’re trying to prevent you from responding as if you’ve been criticized—even as they’re delivering what is, by any reasonable definition, criticism.
13. “I’m Just Saying…”
“I’m just saying” is the conversational equivalent of throwing a grenade and then putting your hands up innocently. It’s typically deployed after making a provocative statement, as if adding these three words somehow neutralizes whatever bomb they just dropped. This phrase attempts to minimize the impact of their words while still getting the satisfaction of having said them.
It creates a situation where they get to express their opinion but you’re somehow overreacting if you respond to it as an opinion. The phrase tries to frame their statement as an objective fact floating in the ether rather than a subjective view they’ve actively chosen to voice. Next time someone ends a charged comment with “I’m just saying,” call their bluff: “Yes, you are saying that, and it seems like you have a reason for saying it. Let’s talk about what you’re actually saying rather than pretending it’s just a random observation.”
