15 Lessons I’ve Learned From Sleeping Around

15 Lessons I’ve Learned From Sleeping Around

I’ll admit it — I’ve had a lot of sex with a lot of different partners. I used to be ashamed of it, but now I own it, because who gives a crap? Sleeping around has not only given me plenty of orgasms, but it’s also taught me a whole lot about guys and sex that I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

  1. Guys are way more insecure than they want to admit. I’ve had so many guys throw fits when they found out my number, it’s laughable. Too many guys legitimately can’t handle the idea that a girl’s been with a lot more people than they have. Obviously, a bad reaction to this is a dealbreaker for me, because I don’t have time to deal with guys who are so insecure about that crap.
  2. Sex is sex, not love. This is so hard for some people to understand, especially when hormones mess with your mind. There’s a huge difference between love and sex. You can have sex with just about anyone, and you might barely feel any closeness to them. Love isn’t easy, nor is it anywhere as easy to cultivate as sex.
  3. Even the best sex isn’t worth losing love. Great sex can be earth-shattering, but love is the stuff that moves universes. When in doubt, choose a happy relationship over good sex.
  4. The only good sex is safe, consensual sex. Unprotected sex is dangerous — extremely so. Nonconsensual sex can ruin lives. Unsafe sex practices can get you killed. If you’re going to be promiscuous, be smart about it. Otherwise, you might want to prepare for the consequences.
  5. We have really unhealthy attitudes towards sex. I’ve lost friends over my promiscuity, even though I never slept with anyone they knew. I’ve had guys go psycho over the number I’ve had. I’ve had people who barely know me tell me to get tested upon hearing my number. This isn’t healthy, polite, or acceptable in any way. Sex is a natural part of life. We have to stop shaming one another over it.
  6. A promiscuous person can usually tell if you’re experienced. It’s true. Sorry, not sorry. I can tell who’s had a lot of sex in their lifetime, because they tend to have different attitudes towards sex.
  7. Having a lot of sex doesn’t make you any better or worse than anyone else. Do some people who have high numbers have issues they need to solve? Absolutely. But for every promiscuous person with issues, there’s another person who just went through a wild phase or has certain kinks that they enjoy. You can’t put promiscuity into a box.
  8. A lot of people envy us later on. I’ve had talks with people who were in their 60s and 70s, and many of them mention that they regret not sowing their wild oats in their younger years. If you want to do it, do it.
  9. Slut-shaming happens, and it comes from people you’d never expect. I’ve been slut-shamed by doctors, priests, and even my then-boyfriend’s parents. Anyone who has the nerve to remark on the number of partners a woman has should have no right to be in her life, and the sooner you make that clear, the better off you’ll be.
  10. Slut-shaming happens, and it happens to people you’d never expect. I’ve been slut-shamed when I was a virgin. I’ve been called a whore for having big boobs. After a while, I decided I had nothing to lose by actually enjoying myself, since I was going to be called promiscuous either way. I have no regrets about that decision.
  11. The most promiscuous people aren’t the ones you’d expect. I can give three good examples. Two of my exes were quiet, geek types who worked regular jobs. They dressed in button downs, and work khaki pants to work. Both of them slept with hundreds of people each, and one even did adult films as a side gig. Another ex I had slept with well over 300 people. During the day, he’s a mild-mannered, polite, churchgoing guy who sells engagement rings.
  12. The promiscuous people you have to watch out for are the ones who won’t admit they’ve slept around until proof has been shown to them. A good dealbreaker for any relationship is when your boyfriend lies about how many people he’s been with. People who do this are more prone to cheating, because they’re already used to lying to you. They also might be hiding the fact that they have STDs.
  13. Guys who are insecure about their number are more likely to cheat. I found this one out the hard way. A lot of guys will feel they need to “catch up” to your number. This is also true, to a lesser degree, with women.
  14. The Madonna/Whore Complex is real, and it turns guys into douchebags. A lot of guys can’t handle the idea of dating an “impure” girl, and that’s fine as long as they’re not going to go near me. These same guys will, however, be open to casual sex with what they consider “easy.” I still don’t understand why guys think this way.
  15. Even if you’ve slept with a bunch of people, being cheated on still hurts. It’s inexcusable, it hurts good people, and frankly, it’s trashier than all sin. Don’t cheat!
Ossiana Tepfenhart works as an editor to FunNewJersey's magazine, and has been working with a massive series of lifestyle sites including Woman Around Town and Guff.com