Narcissists have a way of keeping control that leaves you feeling trapped and manipulated. If you’ve ever found yourself confused or exhausted after dealing with someone who always seems to come out on top, you might be dealing with a narcissist. Understanding their tactics is key to breaking free and protecting yourself. Here are 15 sneaky tricks they use when you try to pull away.
1. Love bombing
At first, it feels magical. They’re showering you with attention, compliments, and affection. You’re the star of their world, and it’s utterly intoxicating. But this overwhelming charm isn’t genuine, it’s bait. They’re drawing you in and building trust so that later, when they reveal their true colors, you’re already hooked.
2. Gaslighting
Narcissists love to mess with your head. They’ll deny things you know happened, twist stories, or flat-out lie until you start doubting your memory and sanity. This emotional manipulation is meant to keep you off-balance, making it easier for them to control the narrative and, ultimately, you.
3. Triangulation
Ever notice how they love to bring a third person into the mix? They might flirt with someone else or compare you to an ex, just to get you riled up and insecure. This isn’t accidental—it’s a way to make you feel like you need to compete for their attention and approval.
4. Silent treatment
One day everything is fine, and the next, they’re giving you the cold shoulder. You’re left scrambling, wondering what you did wrong. This is a power move to make you feel anxious and desperate for their attention. It’s their way of punishing you and making you crawl back for their approval.
5. Guilt-tripping
Narcissists are pros at turning the tables on you to make you feel like the bad guy. They’ll play the victim, remind you of everything they’ve done for you, or exaggerate their struggles to make you feel guilty. It’s all designed to make you bend to their will and feel like you owe them something.
6. Playing the victim
Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they’ll twist things so they’re suddenly the ones who’ve been wronged. They’ll minimize their own bad behavior and make you feel like the aggressor. This is a classic way of avoiding responsibility while gaining sympathy from others.
7. Projection
Narcissists love to project their insecurities onto you. If they’re feeling jealous, they’ll accuse *you* of being jealous. If they’re controlling, suddenly it’s you who’s “too clingy.” It’s their way of deflecting attention from their behavior and putting you on the defensive.
8. Smear campaigns
When they feel threatened or like they’re losing control, narcissists don’t go quietly. They’ll spread rumors and lies to make you look bad and isolate you from your support system. It’s a ruthless way of maintaining power by discrediting you before you can speak out.
9. Hoovering
Just when you think you’re out, they pull you back in. They might suddenly show up with apologies, grand promises to change, or declarations of love. This is just another way to regain control. Once they have you back, it’s usually the same old game.
10. Financial manipulation
Money can be a powerful tool, and narcissists know it. They might try to make you financially dependent on them or control your access to funds. It’s all about limiting your independence and ensuring that walking away seems impossible.
11. Sabotage
They’ll undercut your confidence by belittling your work, criticizing your choices, or setting you up to fail. It’s subtle but effective—designed to make you doubt yourself and feel like you need them to succeed. They want you to believe that without them, you’re nothing.
12. Emotional blackmail
This one’s tough. Narcissists can use threats of self-harm or extreme emotional responses to keep you from leaving or setting boundaries. It’s manipulative and deeply unfair, putting the weight of their well-being on your shoulders.
13. Isolating you from friends and family
They don’t want anyone else in your corner. By criticizing your loved ones, starting conflicts, or discouraging you from seeing them, they make sure you’re dependent on them alone. It’s easier to control you when you’re cut off from people who might challenge their behavior.
14. Exploiting your insecurities
Narcissists have a knack for finding your soft spots and using them to their advantage. They’ll bring up things you’re self-conscious about or play on your fears just to keep you feeling small and vulnerable. It’s a calculated move to keep you in check.
15. Blaming you for everything
No matter what goes wrong, it’s somehow always your fault. They’ll twist situations until you feel like you’re to blame for their problems. It’s exhausting and demoralizing, but it keeps you in a state of guilt and makes it easier for them to control you. Remember, their issues are not your fault, and you don’t need to carry that weight.
