Keeping the spark alive in a relationship takes effort and commitment. It’s easy to fall into habits and get too comfortable, but that’s a fast track to killing the passion and excitement you once felt. According to psychology, to keep your relationship thriving and the flame burning, you must be aware of 15 habits and avoid these pitfalls.
1. Playing Nurse or Parent
A happy, healthy relationship must be balanced and based on mutual appreciation, commitment, and desire for each other. If one partner starts acting more like a parent or a nurse, it’s a problem. You are not there to fix your partner or cater to their every whim. This dynamic can diminish the sense of partnership and quickly extinguish the flame. No one wants to go to bed with their parents.
2. Losing Your Identity
You might be in a committed relationship, but you are independent people. It’s important to maintain your confidence and identity outside of the relationship. That means taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, or mentally, or you won’t have anything to offer. When you feel good about yourself, you bring more passion and positivity and passion into the relationship. Embrace your own passions, have your own goals, and invest in self-care; it’s okay to need alone time; it’s how we reflect, reset, and grow, and it benefits both of you.
3. Coasting Along
When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to feel comfortable and take each other and the relationship for granted. Be more mindful of what you and your partner bring to the relationship, and always express appreciation. Say, thank you for the little things. Expressing gratitude can strengthen the connection and make you feel more valued. Being in a relationship is a choice, not a given.
4. Sacrificing Couple Time
Life gets busy with work, kids, and other commitments, but you can’t let quality time with your partner take a backseat. Spending meaningful, fun time together is essential for keeping the emotional and physical connection alive. Hang out, talk, and be intimate, or you risk growing apart, and that’s when the ice sets in.
5. Falling Into a Comfortable Routine
Routines provide structure and stability, which are important in our work and relationships. But they can also become a trap—when everything feels like Ground Hog Day, you can become bored and complacent. Put an end to the predictability and spice things up by planning a spontaneous date night, a weekend away, or an activity you love to do together.
6. No Longer Being Affectionate
Maybe you aren’t all over each other like you were in the beginning, but if you stop holding hands, hugging, kissing, or cuddling up on the couch, you lose your physical and emotional connection. Affection and touch are powerful ways to maintain a romantic connection as they release oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which makes us fall in love with our partners in the first place. It’s still there. You need to ignite it.
7. Not Communicating Openly
Strong, open communication is the bedrock of every happy, healthy relationship. If you’re not openly communicating with each other, it’s easy for misunderstandings and resentment to creep in. Don’t avoid difficult conversations or not express your feelings, as it will create distance between you and your partner. Resolve issues when they arise, take the time to talk, and be more involved and interested in each other’s lives.
8. Letting Intimacy Slide
Maybe you’re no longer going at it like rabbits in the bedroom, but intimacy is more than just physical. It’s about cultivating emotional closeness to remain connected and feel love. Disconnection sets in when intimacy isn’t made a priority, and the passion dwindles fast. Have a heart-to-heart conversation, kiss, hug, or head to bed to keep things alive and exciting.
9. Replacing Admiration with Criticism
You should be your partner’s number-one fan. If you’ve fallen into a bad habit of constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws or criticizing, you’ll develop a negative mindset and feel indifferent toward your S.O. Constructive feedback is important, but it should be balanced with positive reinforcement; otherwise, your partner will become defensive and resentful and feel like they can’t lean on you for support.
10. Not Meeting Your Partner’s Needs
A relationship requires mutual support and understanding to thrive. You aren’t responsible for your partner’s self-esteem or happiness, but it is essential to be tuned into their needs. If you’re only focused on your own needs and don’t prioritize your partner or show up when they need you, it can lead to feelings of neglect. It also leads to a power imbalance where one is emotionally unavailable, and the other feels the need to chase and over-give.
11. Acting Emotionally Unavailable
Withdrawing emotionally or being distant will create a divide between you and your partner that can be hard to cross. If one or both partners are not emotionally available, you can feel like you’re single together, and that’s not fun or healthy. Be there for your partner, support them in their goals and dreams, listen to them with curiosity, and make time to be together and be intimate.
12. Allowing Social Media to Become the Third Wheel
If you’re constantly on your phone or computer when you’re together, it can create an invisible barrier. Technology is a major distraction for all of us, so put the phone away and stop doom scrolling on social media. Being present and engaging with each other without distractions helps create and maintain a strong bond, keeping the relationship interesting.
13. Letting the Fun Leave the Building
Relationships are so fun and exciting in the beginning, but it’s up to you to maintain that feeling. Life can get serious, but if you don’t make time to laugh and have fun together, the relationship can feel heavy and like you’re going through the motions. Watch a fun movie, take up an activity, go out with friends or plan a fun trip, you reap what you sew and relationships are an investment.
14. Secretly Holding Grudges
Holding onto past grievances and not resolving conflicts creates resentment and tension and undermines your feelings for each other. Offload any emotional baggage by voicing how you feel to resolve it and move forward. When you cling to grudges, you hurt yourself and your partner and rob the relationship of joy.
15. Masking Vulnerability
Being vulnerable isn’t weak; it’s crucial to deepening intimacy and keeping the connection alive. You can feel alone if you hold back your true feelings or don’t open up to your partner. Share your true self with your partner and your hopes, dreams, and fears. If they love you, they will never judge and feel more connected and attracted to you.
