There are some people you can never win an argument against, even when you know they’re in the wrong. They’ll do whatever they can to avoid admitting that you’re right and you walk away from those situations feeling frustrated and unheard. How do they avoid admitting they’re in the wrong? Here are some phrases you may want to keep an eye out for.
1. “That could be true.”
At first, this may sound like someone admitting you’re right. But notice that they’re only saying it could be true. It’s a very noncommittal answer—a way of ending the conversation without admitting that either side is correct. So, how do you follow this up when they’re quasi-agreeing with you? Well, one way is to ask them, “If it could be true, then why isn’t it true?”
2. “I don’t remember.”
This is another way of shutting down a conversation without any resolution. It’s mostly used when you disagree about something that happened, or something one of you said. Even if they were previously very adamant that they had the true story, now they’ll claim not to remember. It’s an easy way out since you can’t control or verify their memory. Try responding with, “Okay, well this is what I remember.”
3. “But what about when you did X?”
Deflection. A classic strategy used by narcissists, gaslighters, and anyone else who doesn’t want to own up to a fault. It turns the focus of the conversation away from their behavior and toward you. They don’t have to admit you’re right, and they get to make you feel bad. But feeding into it will only make the situation worse. Instead, you can say, “We can talk about that later if you’d like. Right now I’d like to talk about what you did.”
4. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Perhaps the other person really doesn’t understand you. But if you’ve already explained yourself multiple times, chances are they just don’t want to acknowledge the truth. No amount of explaining will make them change their mindset here. Try to break down their reasoning with something like, “Okay, what part are you not understanding?” If they can’t answer this, they just don’t want to be wrong.
5. “I did my best.”
By throwing their hands up and essentially claiming that “it is what it is,” they’re trying to avoid blame while showing an unwillingness to change. They might even ask you to shift your expectations to accommodate their wrongdoings. In that case, try pushing back on their logic: “Did you really do your best?”
6. “Why do you always have to be right?”
This is a way of turning a conversation around, shifting the focus from them to you. If they do that successfully, it will be that much harder to get them to own up. You can always disengage from the conversation or you can reject their attempt to deflect, saying, “We’re not talking about me right now, we’re talking about you.”
7. “I was under the assumption that…”
This can be frustrating because they’re claiming to have a different story than the one you do. It forces you to re-explain the truth, only for them to probably use a different phrase to deflect once again. It might be helpful to try to figure out where they got that assumption from. If they have a legitimate answer, there may be a misunderstanding. If not, they’re just avoiding saying that you’re right.
8. “I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing.”
Often, this seems like a blatant lie. If you’ve spent a long time explaining your stance and talking about something, the two of you should be on the same page. But by changing the narrative, they can create a scenario where they’re right, even if they don’t say it out loud. Try asking, “Well then what are we talking about?”
9. “It isn’t that serious.”
It feels serious to you, but they’re ignoring that and not owning up to their wrongs. Ask yourself, is it really serious? If not, you might decide to let it go or walk away. But if it is, you deserve validation and closure. Remind them by saying, “It is very serious to me, and I want you to see that.”
10. “That must have been someone else.”
Deflection once again. They’re telling you to question your own memory, that maybe you actually had that conversation with a different person. Again, it’s difficult for you to address if they claim not to remember a conversation, action, or argument. But do you have details that prove they were involved? Share those.
11. “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
This is a tried-and-true phrase that we’ve all heard. Sometimes, it’s the best option when you know you aren’t going to agree with someone. But it’s still frustrating when someone says it just because they don’t want to admit when you’re right. It’s really meant for matters of opinion, not facts. Ask them, “So are you saying we’re both right? Or both wrong?”
12. “Where did you get that information?”
Is there a more low-key way for someone to say they don’t believe you? They’re questioning the validity of your argument. It might make you wonder if they really trust you, or if you’re correct. But it’s just another way of this person avoiding admitting you’re right. If you do know where you got the information, tell them. You can also ask, “Why is that so important?”
13. “Okay.”
This is one of the most frustrating responses to get. It feels like they’re not trying to hear you and they just want the conversation to end. But you deserve a full response, not one word that invalidates your argument and emotions. Try asking them for more, or saying, “Is that all you have to say?”
14. “I don’t believe that.”
This is a more direct way of asking you for sources. Often, conversations like this become very confrontational, because they’ll keep rejecting your points, invalidating your experience, and asking for “proof.” It might be best to walk away to protect your sanity. Alternatively, you can respond, “You don’t have to believe it, but it’s the truth.”
15. “Let’s talk about something else.”
They’re making it very clear that they want the conversation to be over since they won’t admit you’re right. You get to decide whether you let them deflect or not. Maybe you’re tired or want to walk away from the conversation altogether. But if you want to keep talking, be very firm in your response. “I don’t want to talk about something else until we’ve resolved this.”
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