New relationships are full of questions, but they’re usually to each other. You’ve already asked about interests, politics, religion, careers and so on — now it’s time to start asking yourself the important things. It might take you several months to answer all these, but they’ll help you see where the relationship is going and what you want out of it.
- Do I want this to last? It’s time to be honest with yourself — do you want long term or is this just a temporary thing? It’s fine to want something that’s just for now, just be honest with yourself so you don’t try to make the relationship into something it’s not.
- How fast am I ready to move? You should never let yourself be pushed to go faster in a relationship than you’re ready for. How soon are you ready to start talking about meeting the family, getting married, having kids, moving somewhere new, etc? If you want to take it slow, let him know.
- How do I really feel? No one’s putting you on the spot, so you can be honest with yourself. Feelings are going to be a conversation the two of you have sooner or later. It’s better to have a firm grasp on your own as early as possible.
- Am I ready for sex yet? There’s not perfect time to have sex in a new relationship. It could be the first date or you might wait until marriage. Make sure you’re doing it for you and not just because you think you’re supposed to.
- How much do I want to share? As you get more comfortable with each other, you’ll naturally share more about yourself, including your past and fears. For now, how open do you want to be? What would you prefer to keep locked away? Remember, don’t ask him to be any more open than you’re willing to be.
- Should we move in together? Some couples move in together way too quick and it doesn’t work out. Others wait forever and drift apart. Think about how you truly feel about sharing the same space with your new boyfriend. Are you ready for that, or would you rather wait to see how things play out for now?
- Are his flaws a deal breaker? By now, you’ve likely gotten a glimpse at some of his flaws. Are you already starting to have doubts? Are you planning on changing him? Scratch the last thought from your mind because what you see is what you get. Make sure those flaws aren’t deal breakers and if they are, end it now.
- Can I meet his compromises? Compromise starts almost as soon as you start dating. He’s going to expect you to make compromises to meet his needs. Can you do this? Is he already asking for too much? You should compromise, but only to a point.
- Can I tolerate his friends and family? This is one you can’t answer until he starts introducing you to the most important people in his life. Even if you don’t necessarily like them, can you at least tolerate them for his sake? Remember, these people were in his life before you and it’s not fair to ask him to choose.
- Is he worth keeping if my family hates him? How much do you really are about this guy? What would you do if your family told you they hated him? Same with your friends. Is it worth dealing with that kind of drama? Go ahead and make your choice now.
- Do I trust him? Trust is something that’s usually built over time, but it’s still important to trust someone if you’re starting a new relationship with them. Do you feel like you can trust him when he’s not around? If you’re always afraid he’s lying or cheating, don’t waste your time or his. Just end it.
- Is he showing me enough respect? One of the things you should never compromise on is respect. If he’s not showing you the respect you deserve, dump him. If he is, then he’s a keeper, at least for now. No matter how you feel about him, make sure you’re being treated properly or he’s just not worth it.
- Am I alienating my friends and family? It’s natural to spend more time with a new boyfriend at first. You’re trying to build a relationship and that takes some extra work and time in the beginning. Just make sure you’re not sacrificing the relationships you’ve already built with your friends and family. If you’re not sure on this one, make some plans with those how matter most and they’ll definitely let you know.
- How does he feel about me? Don’t give in to wishful thinking here. Think long and hard. Are the signals he’s sending you mesh with how you feel about him? Does he seem on the same page about this being a more casual or long term relationship? If you pay attention, he’ll give you some signs fairly early on.
