15 Reasons You Broke Up That Aren’t Your Fault

15 Reasons You Broke Up That Aren’t Your Fault ©iStock/Viktor_Gladkov

Breakups always suck, and they always seem to make us wonder if there’s anything that we could have done better. Sure, maybe there are a few things you’ll change with your next boyfriend, but the truth is that there are some breakups that are just not about you. If you get any of these reasons for a breakup, try to take solace in the fact that it really isn’t your fault.

  1. He’s shallow. Truthfully, you can’t really control who or what you’re attracted to. Sure, you could lose weight for a guy, but the fact is that you can’t change the fact that he’s not fully into you. Attraction can happen for nonphysical reasons, and if he’s not willing to give you a chance, it’s best to let him go. Similarly, if you do lose weight, you shouldn’t agree to date him just because he suddenly gains interest in you. Looks fade, personality hopefully doesn’t.
  2. He cheated on you. Cheating is NEVER the fault of the person who is cheated on. If he really respected you or cared for your feelings, they would’ve broken up with you before they decided to go philandering. Cheating is a sign of weakness on his part, and regardless of what he may say, it’s not a reflection on you.
  3. His family disapproved. Any partner worth his salt will stand up to family members on your behalf. Don’t try to appease or please family members who are disapproving of you; it’s his job to be your advocate in these situations. If he can’t stand up to them, it’s his fault, not yours.
  4. He was abusive. Abusers have issues, and there’s nothing that anyone can do to fix them. Don’t blame yourself for not being able to fix an unfixable situation. Abusers are losers, and you’re never in the wrong if you break up with them.
  5. You had different goals. If you’re the marrying type and he’s not, then it’s no one’s fault. Having different life goals makes life together impossible. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams just because of the person that you’re with.
  6. It was long distance. Sometimes, love just isn’t enough. Sometimes, logistics just make it impossible to continue on, and realistically, not everyone can just up and leave their home to start a new life with a guy. It’s sad, it happens, but it’s never your fault when things don’t work out.
  7. He had a dealbreaker you couldn’t get over. Dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason — they’re things that we just can’t tolerate in a life partner. Whether it’s something as small as holding a great dislike for your favorite band or something as large as a major lifestyle problem doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you really can’t negotiate on dealbreakers. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be dealbreakers!
  8. He fell for someone else. This is a particularly painful one, especially if he was loyal to you until the breakup. However, this isn’t your fault. It doesn’t mean you’re less of a good partner than his new girl. It means that there’s someone out there more compatible with you. It hurts, but it’s not a reflection on you nine times out of 10.
  9. It wasn’t the right time. At a different time, this would’ve been everything you could have ever wanted or needed. Unfortunately, timing does matter in relationships. If it wasn’t the right time, you can’t just make time move forward. It has nothing to do with you.
  10. He was selfish. There’s expecting a significant other to do right by you, and then there’s expecting your S.O.’s life to revolve around you. If your ex expected every little detail or your life to be orchestrated around his schedule and was the type to call you selfish for going to a doctor instead of a date, it’s not your fault. He’s just a selfish loser.
  11. There was no communication. No couple can survive long if all the communication is one sided. If he’s not listening to you, not telling the truth, or not airing out his feelings, it’s not going to last long. With many of these kinds of breakups, there’s not much you can do aside from bring it to his attention or (at most) try counseling. It’s him, not you.
  12. He’s in bad shape for a relationship. You shouldn’t get into a relationship with someone who’s too insecure, or too ill. It’s not selfish of you to break it off if this is the case. It could be a form of self-preservation.
  13. He turns you into the worst version of yourself. If a guy doesn’t leave you better off than before, it’s time to leave him. Even if he’s good to you, if he’s not bringing out the best of you, it’s probably not a good match. You shouldn’t be with a guy who eats away at your self-confidence.
  14. He left you for a stupid reason. Sometimes, guys are stupid. The end.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.