Relationships are supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. But when someone has control issues, things can quickly start to feel pretty suffocating. It’s not always obvious at first, but if you’ve got that nagging feeling that your partner might be running the show a little too much, it’s time to look out for the signs. Here are 15 red flags that someone has unhealthy control issues in a relationship.
1. They Make All the Decisions
Does it feel like you’re just along for the ride in your own relationship? If your partner’s constantly calling the shots—where you go, what you do, even who you hang out with—that’s a big problem. A relationship should be a team effort, but when one person makes all the decisions without consulting you, that’s a clear sign they want control, not compromise.
2. They Track Your Every Move
Ever feel like you’re under constant surveillance? Controlling people always want to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing. They might disguise this behavior as “just being worried” or “looking out for you,” but if they need a play-by-play of your day, that’s a huge red flag. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your privacy and space.
3. They Try to Isolate You
One of the sneakiest signs of control is when they start pulling you away from your friends and family. At first, it might seem like they just want more time with you. But if they start making excuses why you shouldn’t see the people you love or criticize your friends and family, they’re likely trying to isolate you. The fewer people you have around, the more they can control you.
4. They Guilt-Trip You for Needing Space
Everyone needs some alone time, but if they make you feel guilty for it, that’s not okay. A controlling partner will make you think that wanting space is selfish, or worse, that you don’t care about them. It’s their way of keeping you on a tight leash and making sure you don’t drift too far away from their grip. Needing space is normal—it’s the guilt that’s toxic.
5. They’re Jealous of Your Friends
A little jealousy happens in relationships, but if your partner is constantly suspicious of your friends—especially if they’re of the opposite sex—it’s a red flag. They might accuse you of things that aren’t even happening or try to limit your time with other people. This isn’t about love, it’s about control, and they’re trying to make you question your own friendships.
6. They Control the Money
Do they handle all the finances and limit your access to funds? Financial control is a major power move in relationships. If they’re monitoring how you spend, giving you “allowances,” or questioning every dollar, that’s not just managing money—that’s borderline abuse. It’s a way to keep you financially dependent and make it harder for you to make decisions on your own.
7. They Shut Down Your Feelings
Controlling people don’t want to hear your side of things. If you try to bring up how you’re feeling and they dismiss it as “you’re being too sensitive” or “overreacting,” they’re silencing you. This isn’t just frustrating—it’s manipulative. Everyone’s feelings are valid, and someone who respects you will take them seriously instead of brushing them off.
8. They Gaslight You
If you ever feel like you’re questioning your own reality around them, that’s gaslighting. They’ll deny things they’ve said or done, twist conversations, and even make you doubt your memory. The goal is to keep you off-balance and second-guessing yourself, which gives them even more control over you. It’s not just confusing—it’s emotionally abusive.
9. They Have Impossible Expectations
If your partner has a list of unrealistic standards you’re always trying to meet—whether it’s how you dress, how you act, or how much time you spend with them—you’re dealing with a total control freak. They set you up to fail so they can criticize and keep you feeling like you’re never good enough. Someone in a relationship shouldn’t have say over who you are, how you act, and what you do.
10. They Blow Up Over Little Things
Do they lose their cool when things don’t go exactly how they wanted? That’s a major control issue. Whether it’s a change in plans or something minor, a controlling partner can’t handle anything that’s outside of their control. Their anger is a way to scare you into going along with whatever they want, so you’ll be too afraid to speak up next time.
11. They Stalk Your Social Media
If they are obsessively checking your social media accounts, who you follow, what you post, and who’s liking your photos, then you might be dealing with a major control freak. This can become a huge issue for your relationship. If they start demanding to know your passwords or constantly monitor your online activity, it’s not about “being protective”—it’s about trying to control your interactions with the outside world.
12. They Make You Feel Dependent
A controlling partner will go out of their way to make you feel like you need them. They’ll subtly discourage you from doing what you love or they’ll make you feel like you can’t handle things on your own. The more dependent you are on them, the more they can control you. It’s a power play designed to keep you from realizing how capable you are on your own.
13. They’re Constantly Criticizing You
A partner who’s always finding faults—whether it’s with how you look, how you talk, or how you live your life—is trying to wear you down. Controlling people use criticism to chip away at your confidence so that you start desperately looking for their approval for your self-worth. If you’re feeling like you can’t do anything right, it’s a sign you’re dealing with someone who needs to control how you see yourself.
14. They Dictate How You Dress
Whether they’re telling you to “cover up” or constantly pushing you to “dress better,” controlling what you wear is a clear red flag. Your style should be yours, not something they manage. It’s their way of policing how you present yourself to the world. If they’re telling you what you can and can’t wear, it’s time to leave the relationship.
15. They Twist Every Argument Around on You
No matter what the issue is, somehow, you always end up apologizing. Controlling partners are experts at turning the tables. Even if the original argument was about something they did, they’ll manipulate the conversation until you feel like the bad guy. It’s a tactic to avoid taking responsibility and keep you in the position of constantly defending yourself.
