Dating is hard enough without realizing halfway through that you’re investing in someone who’s never going to grow up. Sure, everyone has their struggles, but there’s a difference between someone who’s figuring life out and someone who’s content to coast forever. If the person you’re seeing shows these signs, it might be a red flag that they’re not ready—or willing—to build the kind of life you want. Here’s what to look for and why it matters more than you think.
1. They’re In Their 30s And Still ‘Figuring It Out’
Look, no one expects a 30-something to have life completely nailed down, but there’s a difference between still chasing dreams and just floating aimlessly. If they’re hopping from job to job or still talking about “finding themselves” without actually taking action, it’s a red flag. Life isn’t going to wait for them to figure it out, and neither should you. According to Mark Manson, it’s never too late to reset your career path in your 30s, but staying in a situation you know isn’t right can lead to significant regrets later in life.
There’s nothing wrong with growth and change, but when it’s been the same story for years, it’s worth questioning if they’re genuinely searching or just avoiding responsibility. If they’re not actively working towards a goal, you could end up carrying the relationship while they continue to “figure it out” indefinitely.
2. They Always Have Big Ideas But Never Follow Through
Dreaming big is attractive—until you realize it’s all talk and no action. If they’re constantly brainstorming the next big thing but can’t seem to follow through on anything, it’s a problem. Ideas are easy. It’s execution that separates ambition from procrastination. According to The Human Capital Hub, a lack of drive and stagnant duties and responsibilities are potential indicators of being stuck in a dead-end job.
Someone who’s all about grand plans but lacks the discipline to make them happen isn’t building a future—they’re avoiding reality. And if you’re looking for stability, consistency, or a partner who follows through on their promises, this isn’t the kind of person who’ll offer that.
3. They Have A Sob Story For Why Their Life Sucks
We all have challenges, but if their entire personality revolves around blaming the world for their problems, that’s a major red flag. Whether it’s their parents, their ex, or “bad luck,” they’ve always got an excuse for why they’re stuck. According to Thriveworks, individuals who consistently play the victim often complain without taking steps to improve their situation and tend to blame others for their life circumstances.
Empathy is one thing, but there’s a difference between someone who’s working through issues and someone who’s content to wallow in them. If they’re not actively trying to change their circumstances, they’re just looking for someone to carry them through life. Don’t let that person be you.
4. Their Social Life Is Lackluster
If their social calendar is perpetually empty, it might be more than just an introverted phase. Sure, not everyone is a social butterfly, but healthy relationships often reflect a well-rounded life. If they’ve burned bridges or can’t maintain friendships, ask why.
A lack of social connection can hint at deeper issues like poor communication, laziness, or even toxic behavior. And if they don’t have anyone in their corner, it could be a sign that they’re not exactly someone others want to invest in—something to seriously consider if you’re thinking long-term.
5. They’re Fine With Having A Dead End Job
Not everyone needs to chase a high-powered career, but if they’re content in a job with no future, that’s a red flag. Ambition doesn’t have to mean corporate ladder climbing—it just means caring about growth, financial security, and contributing to the life they want. According to The Human Capital Hub, being content in a job with limited advancement opportunities and stagnant responsibilities can be signs of a dead-end career.
If they’re content to stay stuck, that’s not just their issue—it’s going to affect you too. When financial struggles hit, when goals get stalled, you’ll be the one picking up the slack. And that’s a burden no relationship should carry long-term.
6. They Have A Bad Track Record With Money
We’re not talking about being broke because of circumstances—we’re talking about being broke because they’re reckless, irresponsible, or just plain careless with their finances. If they’re racking up credit card debt, gambling, or “forgetting” to pay bills, take notice.
Money troubles don’t just disappear with love. If they’re bad with money now, that problem will eventually become yours too. A healthy relationship includes financial compatibility, and if they can’t get their act together, it could drag you down with them.
7. They’re Always ‘About To Get Their Life Together’—But Never Do
If they’ve been “about to” start saving, “about to” look for a better job, or “about to” start that dream project for the last five years, it’s time to accept that “about to” might mean never. Consistent procrastination is just avoidance with a pretty label.
Plans mean nothing without action. If they’re perpetually on the verge of getting their life together but nothing changes, ask yourself if you’re willing to wait indefinitely for them to figure it out. Because chances are, they won’t.
8. They’ve Been ‘Working On A Project’ For Years With Nothing To Show
Passion projects are great—unless they’re just a cover for laziness. If they’ve been “working” on a book, a business, or a creative project for years without any real progress, it’s time to ask if it’s an actual goal or just a convenient excuse for doing nothing.
Dreams are beautiful, but effort matters more. You deserve someone who not only talks about their goals but actually works toward them. Otherwise, you might find yourself stuck supporting someone who’s chasing a fantasy more than a future.
9. They Complain About Their Exes
If they constantly badmouth their exes, that’s not just a red flag—it’s a siren. Everyone has a past, but if their stories are full of bitterness and blame, it says more about them than the people they dated.
It shows they haven’t learned from their experiences and aren’t willing to take responsibility for their part in failed relationships. And if they do it to their exes, they’ll eventually do it to you. Look for someone who can reflect, not just resent.
10. They Show Zero Interest In Improving Themselves
Growth is key in any relationship. If they’re content staying exactly the same, with no interest in learning, evolving, or becoming better, it’s a serious issue. Stagnation is fine for a little while, but long-term? It breeds resentment and dissatisfaction.
You deserve someone who wants to grow alongside you. Someone who values self-awareness and embraces change. If they resist every opportunity for self-improvement, it’s a sign they’ll eventually resist growing in the relationship too.
11. Their Idea Of A Big Weekend Is Sitting In Their Mom’s Basement
If their idea of a wild weekend is sitting in their mom’s basement playing video games and eating takeout, that’s not just a red flag—it’s a whole banner. Sure, everyone needs downtime, but if that’s their default mode of living, it’s a sign they lack drive or ambition. Comfort zones are fine, but staying stuck in them is not.
It’s not about hating video games or casual nights in—it’s about the lack of balance. If they’re avoiding real-world responsibilities or ambitions by retreating into their comfort zone, it’s worth asking if that’s the kind of future you want. Because if they’re not investing in their own life, they’re not going to invest in building one with you.
12. They Joke About Being ‘Lazy’ Like It’s Cute
We all have lazy days, but if they wear laziness like a personality trait, it’s a problem. Constantly joking about not wanting to work, never contributing to household tasks, or brushing off responsibilities isn’t quirky—it’s immature. And it’s not going to be cute when you’re the one carrying the weight of every shared responsibility.
Long-term relationships are about partnership. If they think laziness is charming, they’re setting you up to be the one doing all the work. And resentment will build fast. If they can’t take basic responsibilities seriously, don’t expect them to suddenly change when things get serious.
13. They Play Video Games Like It’s Their Full-Time Job
Gaming can be fun, but when it becomes their main priority, it’s a problem. If they’re logging more hours on their console than they are at work or in their relationship, that’s a red flag. Hobbies are healthy, but obsession isn’t—and if their gaming habit is getting in the way of life, goals, and connection, it’s worth confronting.
If you’re constantly competing with their virtual world for attention, it’s time to ask if they’re even capable of investing in a real one. There’s nothing wrong with gaming, but balance is everything. If they don’t know when to put down the controller, they’re not going to know how to prioritize you.
14. They Don’t Have A Savings Account—And Don’t Plan To Start One
If they have zero savings and zero interest in changing that, you should be concerned. Everyone hits hard times, but if they refuse to plan for the future or make smarter financial decisions, that’s not just short-sighted—it’s irresponsible. It’s one thing to be struggling, but it’s another to be complacent about it.
Money isn’t everything, but financial habits are a major part of stability. If they can’t prioritize saving now, they’ll struggle to build a stable future with you. Financial irresponsibility today means financial insecurity tomorrow—and that’s not a burden you should be expected to carry.
15. They Don’t Take Care Of Their Health And Laugh About It
Skipping doctor’s appointments, eating junk every day, refusing to exercise—if they treat their health like a joke, it’s a sign of deeper carelessness. Health is wealth, and while nobody needs to be perfect, basic self-care is non-negotiable for a balanced life.
If they can’t be bothered to look after themselves, that attitude can spill into other areas of life too—like how they show up for you or handle responsibilities. It’s not just about appearance; it’s about whether they’re willing to invest in their well-being and the future. And if they’re not? That’s a warning sign for how they’ll treat your relationship too.
