Finding the right person to share your life with is all about timing, compatibility, and ensuring you’re both ready and committed. Sometimes, you meet someone who seems impressive on the surface, but when you dig a little deeper, you realize they lack depth and emotional maturity. If you notice these signs, consider them red flags that the guy you are into needs to grow up emotionally and put his big boy pants on before locking down a relationship.
1. He’s a Jokester
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He changes the subject or makes a joke whenever you try to have a serious conversation about the relationship, future plans, or feelings. This reluctance to go beyond the surface is a sign he’s uncomfortable with commitment and vulnerability or has no intention of taking the relationship to the next level.
Tip: If he consistently avoids serious topics, take it as a sign he’s not ready for a deep, emotional connection. Express what you want from the relationship and need in terms of open communication, and if he’s not willing or able to step up, move on.
2. He’s All Over the Shop
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He’s all in one day, and the next, he’s distant or MIA. This inconsistency will do your head in, leaving you uncertain and anxious about where you stand. You shouldn’t have to play mind reader.
Tip: A mature man is consistent, reliable, and communicates openly. If his actions don’t match his words, have an honest conversation about your expectations, and if nothing changes, show him the door.
3. His Ego is Easily Bruised
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If he takes everything personally or gets defensive at the slightest criticism, he’s more like a baby than a grown-up. A mature, emotionally resilient person welcomes feedback without taking it as a personal attack and sulking for days—they also commit to being better.
Tip: Approach criticism and conversations with respect and empathy. But pay attention to his reaction and gauge if you feel he’s open to growth. If he can’t handle constructive criticism, he’s not ready to be in a relationship.
4. He Thinks Everyone Else is the Problem
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When things go wrong, he never takes responsibility and blames others—his ex, job, friends, or even you. This lack of accountability indicates he’s too immature and irresponsible to own up to his actions or learn from his mistakes.
Tip: Encourage him to reflect on his behavior and take accountability. If he’s unwilling to acknowledge his role in his own life or any issues in the relationship, that won’t change until he grows up a bit. Cut him loose.
5. He Doesn’t Get the Concept of Sorry
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It can indicate a lack of emotional maturity and empathy if he struggles to say “I’m sorry” or admit when he’s wrong. A mature person can recognize when they’ve hurt someone and will be quick to offer a sincere apology and commit to doing better.
Tip: Address any issues where you feel he owes you an apology and express the importance of taking accountability in a relationship. It could be a red flag if he can’t acknowledge his mistakes.
6. He’s a Coveted Commitment-Phobe
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A commitment-phobe is easy to spot. If he avoids labeling the relationship, making future plans and keeps everything in the gray area, that’s all you need to know.
Tip: Be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship. If he’s tells you he’s not ready to commit, believe him. And he says he’s in and then doesn’t show up, his actions are speaking louder than his words.
7. He’s Missing a Sensitivity Chip
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He lacks empathy if he has difficulty understanding your feelings or diminishes them. Acting dismissive or indifferent means he hasn’t developed empathy, which is crucial to emotional maturity.
Tip: Explain the importance of empathy and emotional support in a relationship. If he doesn’t acknowledge your feelings or can’t support you emotionally, he’s not someone you want to get serious with.
8. He’s Focused On Numero Uno
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If the relationship revolves around his needs, interests, and schedule, it’s unbalanced, and he is either an egomaniac or unable to compromise. This self-centered behavior is exhausting, one-sided, and shows a lack of emotional maturity.
Tip: Discuss the need for balance and mutual support in a relationship. If he never makes room for your needs or acts like you’re being dramatic.
9. He Considers Boundaries a Foreign Concept
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He doesn’t understand boundaries, let alone respect yours, or know how to establish his own. He may push too hard or pull away without clear communication if you need space, time apart, or privacy.
Tip: Set and communicate your boundaries early in the relationship. If he continues to trample over them, he lacks respect for you and probably has no self-respect.
10. He Plays Mind Games
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Manipulation tactics are his go-to. He may give you the silent treatment, play hard to get, or make things up to make out you’re crazy. This behavior can be emotionally draining and make you question your own sanity.
Tip: Address these behaviors head-on and tell him you need honest and straightforward communication. If he continues with the games, the exit stage will be left.
11. He’s Needs Constant Flattering
A low sense of self-worth can manifest as needing constant validation from you and others. He has some emotional growing to do if he’s always fishing for compliments or needs attention or reassurance about what you think of him, he has some emotional growth.
Tip: Support and encourage him to be more self-confident and independent. It’s not your job to make him feel worthy; that comes from within.
12. He Runs at the First Sign of Conflict
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Instead of addressing issues, he avoids them out of fear of conflict or rejection. Hoping problems will mysteriously vanish shows he’s not emotionally mature, and this avoidance can lead to more unresolved problems and resentment down the track.
Tip: Encourage open and honest communication around conflict. Tackle the issues as they arise, and if he’s squirming and doesn’t know how to resolve conflict healthily, you should run, not him.
Tip: Tell him of your concerns and how they affect you. Let him know you need to feel secure in the relationship, and he needs to be honest about any residual feelings he has for his ex. You don’t stand a chance if she’s still on his mind.
14. He’s Not Interested in Your Goals and Dreams
If he isn’t interested or supportive of your aspirations or downplays your achievements, he isn’t your biggest cheerleader. A mature partner will encourage you to pursue your goals and cheer loudly from the sidelines.
Tip: Communicate the importance of being independent and encouraging in a relationship. If he’s not interested in who you really are and what you care about, you’re selling yourself short.
15. He’s Emotionally Unavailable
A man who emotionally keeps you at arm’s length clearly has difficulty connecting on a deeper level. He will act distant, avoid talking about feelings, or go missing when you need him.
Tip: Express your need for emotional intimacy and that you feel invisible and neglected when he’s not there for you or doesn’t prioritize the relationship. If he continuth the icy treatment, he’s not serious about you or is too scared or damaged to enter a relationship.
Natasha is a seasoned lifestyle journalist and editor based in New York City. In a stellar two-decade career, she has reported on the latest lifestyle news and trends for publications like Grazia, Elle, and InStyle.
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