15 Signs That Your Crush Is Actually A Total Loser

It can happen to the best of us — that dashing, absolutely gorgeous guy you’re drooling over could actually be a loser who will make your life a living hell if you choose to date him. Here are some clues that the guy in question is a mess and should be kept to fling status at very best:

  1. He’s unemployed and keeps hitting you up for money. Not all guys who are unemployed are losers, but if he thinks this behavior is acceptable, you can bet that he isn’t someone you want to date. If he’s doing this, he has no issue being a mooch – and there’s nothing more of an epic fail than a freeloader of a boyfriend.
  2. He keeps pressuring you to ditch your friends, your schoolwork, or your job in order to hang out with him. It might seem cute, but this move is all about insecurity. If he’s so insecure about your whereabouts and life goals, he’s a loser who needs someone to constantly praise him.
  3. People actually call him and his friends losers. You might want to listen to them, especially if it’s being done on a regular basis. He might be living up to his rep.
  4. You can’t get him to list a single life goal when asked, or if you do, it’s clear he’s never actually going to put effort into it. Only losers have no goals in life, and if he’s not doing anything to accomplish any goals he does have, then it’s just as bad as not having any goals at all.
  5. He expects you (or someone else) to motivate him. This is the kind of guy who will blame all his shortcomings on you, and that’s a universal dealbreaker. True motivation doesn’t come from another person, it’s something that comes from within.
  6. He whines about a million different things. A guy who has no problem wheedling, guilt-tripping, and whining to get his way is a guy who doesn’t have what it takes to tackle life’s harder problems. Don’t expect this whiner to appreciate the little things you do, or help you when stuff hits the fan. You can do better than this loser.
  7. Excuses, excuses, excuses! With people who just lose at life, everything is an excuse. When you’re attracted to a guy, you might even make excuses for him. Don’t fall for this trap. A guy who constantly has to have excuses is a loser, and never worth the effort.
  8. His mom expects you to whip him into shape. Nothing about this is a good sign. Nothing!
  9. You suspect that he might have an addiction. There’s a difference between occasional substance use and an addiction. If you notice that he’s constantly hitting the bong, or that he needs to drink like a fish on a regular basis, you may have an addict. Do yourself a favor, and don’t date this guy. He might end up ruining your life.
  10. Ninety percent of his talk is about how cool a guy he used to be. Past results do not indicate future performance. If he can’t talk about the fun things he does now, or if there’s no sign that he’s actually interested in making his future awesome, he’s a loser who probably peaked in high school.
  11. Trying to get him to talk about problems leads to bad fallout. Winners are the kind of people who will handle life’s problems head-on, discuss difficult topics without issue, and work out their personal problems constructively. Losers will blow up at people who voice concerns, sweep problems under the rug, and will hurt others who question them.
  12. People are shocked that you like him. This might just be a sign that your crush isn’t all you think he is. Most people will be confused when they see a girl who’s out of a guy’s league interested in him.
  13. The only thing he really seems to excel at is partying. There’s nothing wrong with being the life of a party, but the fact is that there are plenty of losers who can party like madmen. The difference between a guy who is awesome and a guy who’s a loser often lies in what else he can do aside from party. Can he fix a car? Can he stay employed? Can he cook or clean? If all he seems to be capable of doing well is partying, you probably aren’t dealing with someone who’s boyfriend material.
  14. What he says and what you see are two different things. A real man will do what he says he’s going to do, and will actually show you proof of his life. A loser lies, then tries to cover that up with more lies.
  15. Deep down inside, you kind of already know he’s a loser. Do you need any other proof?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.