15 Signs He’s Not Boyfriend Material

He might seem like a really cool guy who’s totally crazy about you, that’s simply not enough if you want to get into a relationship with him. If he’s doing any of these things, run for the hills—he’d make a terrible boyfriend.

  1. He uses “I” a lot. Notice what he talks about. If he’s always going on about himself, this is a sign he’s self-absorbed and won’t be asking about you much. It also points to how he sees the future as belonging to him, not you both as a couple. He should be saying “we” sometimes to show that he’s thinking in relationship terms.
  2. He’s a loner. It’s cool when a guy’s independent, can entertain himself, and loves his life. It’s not so cool if he’s so used to being on his own that he’s stuck in his habits and this has made him inflexible. Also, if he has no one in the whole world who really cares about him, there could be a reason for that—and he might be the problem.
  3. His conversation stops short. When talking to the guy, either in RL or via text, you find yourself having to carry the conversation after a while. He’s fine with just dropping it and going off to do other things. Not cool! A guy should never keep you hanging.
  4. He doesn’t have a good track record. You don’t want to judge him too much for the past, but his previous relationships do hint at the kind of boyfriend he’ll be to you. If he has loads of flings in his history and not much serious stuff happening, the guy might not be willing to commit to a relationship.
  5. He doesn’t see the small things. He might remember when you said your birthday was or that you’ve got a Husky dog. However, he won’t pay attention to your body language or notice when you’ve been crying. Red flag! The dude’s too busy focused on himself to pay attention to things you don’t say.
  6. You have to ask for help. You don’t need his help, but it’s still nice for a guy to offer it, right? If you’re the one who has to call him to help you out when you’re carrying a stack of books and can’t press the elevator button even though he can see you, the guy just doesn’t care. Selfish jerk.
  7. He doesn’t ask what your friends think. He met your friends and then didn’t mention anything about the meeting. Weird. You’d think he’d care about what they thought of him or that he’d ask you more about them, or even say that he thought they were great. Instead, nothing. It seems like he doesn’t want to enter your social circle, maybe because he doesn’t want your lives to mesh too much. He’s holding back.
  8. He leaves you to fly solo. When you’re at his best mate’s birthday, he leaves you alone for huge chunks of the night while he socializes with all his friends. Although you don’t need a babysitter when you’re out, you don’t want to feel like you’re there on your own. It feels awkward.
  9. He’s led by his needs. It’s the weekend and he wants to go camping or meet his mates at the pub. He just assumes you’ll go along with him – or do your own thing. If he’s always thinking about what he needs and wants, without any consideration for yours, he’s not going to make a good boyfriend.
  10. He rolls his eyes when you’re romantic. When you say something sweet or romantic, he’s quick to roll his eyes. Sure, it might seem like he’s just teasing you, but it could signal that he’s actually not in a romantic state of mind with you and won’t make much of a romantic boyfriend. You don’t need grand romantic gestures, but you do want a guy who makes you feel loved and special.
  11. His tongue is tactless. He prides himself on being honest, but sometimes his comments can be downright mean. He shouldn’t lie to people, but being considerate of their feelings should come standard! If he’s brutal and expects you to like it, he’s not a nice guy.
  12. He doesn’t act lucky. He has you in his life but doesn’t seem to appreciate you much. He should be acting like the luckiest man on earth but instead, he’s just taking you for granted. So messed up. Imagine what a relationship with him will be like.
  13. He says he’s not a good boyfriend. What he says about himself is important. He’s not fishing for compliments here—he’s being honest that he’s an jerk and you should pay attention. Dig deeper to find out why he’s saying this. What crappy things has he done in previous relationships and are you willing to risk them happening to you?
  14. He doesn’t have his act together. This isn’t always obvious, like a serious drug problem or being a drama king. It can be more subtle, such as if he battles to say what he wants or he deflects your questions about where you stand with him. It could even be that he’s a party animal who loves the single lifestyle too much. If he does anything that makes you feel like he’s going to stress you out in a relationship, the dude’s got some growing up to do.
  15. He has no relationship demands. He seems like a chilled guy who likes to live in the moment. That’s fine and well, but if you ask him about what he expects or wants from a relationship and he doesn’t really know, that’s a red flag. It points to a guy who just doesn’t care much about relationships. If he doesn’t expect certain standards, he won’t respect yours.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.