15 Signs You Did A Great Job Raising Your Kids Despite Your Own Trauma

15 Signs You Did A Great Job Raising Your Kids Despite Your Own Trauma

Raising children is no easy feat, and doing so while grappling with your own past trauma can feel overwhelming. But despite the challenges, there are plenty of signs that you’re doing a fantastic job. Here are 15 subtle signs that you’ve raised your kids well, even while navigating your own journey of healing.

1. They’re Comfortable Expressing Their Emotions

One major sign that you’ve raised your kids well is when they’re comfortable expressing their emotions openly. Emotional expression isn’t just about being able to talk about their feelings; it’s about trusting that their emotions will be heard and respected. If your kids are quick to share their highs and lows with you, it means you’ve built a safe environment where they feel valued. This emotional openness is crucial because it sets the stage for deeper familial bonds and better future relationships outside the home. According to the Department for Education, providing words and meanings to name and express emotions helps children practice handling them as they arise.

Moreover, emotional expression isn’t about having a drama-free life. It means your kids know it’s okay to feel what they feel and that emotions are normal parts of life. They might even come to you with tears, anger, or happiness without the fear of judgment or dismissal. This emotional freedom is a testament to your ability to create a nurturing environment despite any emotional struggles you might have faced yourself.

2. They’ve Modeled How To Respect Boundaries

Another hallmark of effective parenting, especially when you’ve had your own struggles, is teaching your kids to respect boundaries. Respecting boundaries isn’t just about saying “please” and “thank you” or asking before borrowing something. It’s about understanding personal space, and emotional limits, and knowing when to step back. If your kids naturally give you personal space when you need it, or if they understand when a friend needs alone time, that’s a sign they’ve internalized this vital social skill. The Child Mind Institute emphasizes that teaching kids about boundaries involves helping them develop greater empathy and self-awareness.

Boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships, and teaching them often requires demonstrating them yourself. Your kids notice when you respect their boundaries—whether it’s knocking before entering their room or listening when they say no to a hug. By modeling this behavior, you’ve taught them to value the autonomy of themselves and others. It’s a gift that will serve them well throughout their lives, fostering trust and respect in all their relationships.

3. They Know How To Be Empathetic

Empathy is one of the greatest social skills a person can possess, and if your child exhibits it, you’ve done something incredible. Children learn empathy by observing and experiencing it. When your child comforts a friend in distress or shows understanding when someone else makes a mistake, that’s empathy in action. It’s a reflection of the kindness and compassion you’ve modeled for them, even if you were figuring it out along the way. Childcare Studies highlights that teaching children to empathize is more important than just saying sorry, as it helps them understand others’ feelings and respond with compassion.

Empathy isn’t only crucial for interpersonal relationships; it also allows your child to navigate the world with a sense of compassion. It means they can put themselves in someone else’s shoes, which is a skill that supports conflict resolution and deepens connections. Even if you’ve had your own struggles with empathy, teaching this quality is a sign of resilience and strength in your parenting.

4. They Have Strong Minds And Kind Hearts

Independence in children is an incredible feat for any parent, especially for those who have walked through the storm of personal trauma. If your child is confident handling age-appropriate tasks on their own, it means you’ve instilled a sense of self-reliance. Independence goes beyond completing chores or homework; it’s about confidently making decisions and solving problems, knowing they have your support if needed. The Times suggests that giving children choices and involving them in family tasks like cooking promotes a sense of agency and independence.

Fostering independence involves giving them the space to try, fail, and try again. You’ve likely encouraged them to take tentative steps while providing a safety net, showing that mistakes are part of learning. This balance of freedom and support is difficult to achieve but crucial for raising capable adults. It reflects your trust in them and your ability to let go, even when it feels challenging due to your own experiences.

5. They Have Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Raising kids who can manage stress, disappointment, or anger in healthy ways indicates you’ve overcome significant hurdles of your own to provide them with valuable tools. If they turn to journaling, exercise, or talking things out when they’re upset, that’s a direct result of your guidance. You’ve shown them that life isn’t always smooth sailing, but it’s possible to navigate rough waters without sinking.

Coping mechanisms are not just about avoiding negative behaviors; they’re about promoting positive ones. Whether it’s deep breathing exercises or creative outlets, these are skills that will help them throughout their lives. You’ve likely shared some of your own strategies or learned alongside them, and that’s a powerful lesson in resilience and adaptability. It’s a testament to the hard work you’ve put into breaking cycles of negativity.

6. They Know How To Nurture The Relationships In Their Lives

If your kids maintain strong friendships and appreciate family connections, you’re doing wonderfully as a parent. Valuing relationships means they understand the importance of love, trust, and support. It’s a reflection of the environment you’ve cultivated—one where people matter, and relationships are treasured. This is no small feat when you’re dealing with your own past struggles with relationships.

Your ability to teach them the importance of maintaining connections, despite any past personal difficulties, is noteworthy. They’ve learned through your example how to cherish and nurture relationships. This skill will help them build fulfilling personal and professional lives. It speaks to the love and attention you’ve poured into them, ensuring they know their worth and the worth of others.

7. They Make Good Decisions On Their Own

Good decision-making skills are the culmination of teaching responsibility, ethics, and critical thinking. If your child thinks before they act and weighs the pros and cons, it means you’ve equipped them with the ability to navigate life’s complexities. Even if you struggled with decisions in your past due to trauma, your child’s ability to make sound choices indicates you’ve broken the cycle.

Teaching decision-making requires patience and guidance, allowing them to face small, manageable consequences. You’ve given them the freedom to learn from their choices, both good and bad, which is an invaluable life skill. This shows that despite your own challenges, you’ve prioritized their ability to think independently and responsibly. It’s a sign of your commitment to raising thoughtful and conscientious people.

8. They Know How To Appreciate Diversity

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If your kids are open-minded and appreciative of differences in others, they’ve absorbed a critical worldview from you. Appreciating diversity means they understand and value different cultures, beliefs, and perspectives. This understanding is crucial for thriving in our multicultural world. It suggests that you’ve exposed them to a variety of experiences and taught them to see the beauty in differences.

Cultivating this appreciation often involves having open discussions and encouraging curiosity about the world. Despite any personal biases or past experiences, you’ve managed to instill a sense of wonder and acceptance in them. This quality is a gift that will enrich their lives and the lives of those they encounter. It’s a mark of your success in raising open-hearted people who can contribute positively to the world.

9. They Stand Up For Themselves And Others

pensive woman sitting under tree in park

When your child can assert themselves and advocate for others, it’s a testament to the strong values you’ve instilled. Standing up for oneself means they know their worth and aren’t afraid to defend it. Whether it’s speaking out against bullying or defending a classmate, this courage is a product of the environment of justice and strength you’ve fostered.

This trait isn’t just about courage; it’s also about knowing when and how to assert oneself effectively. You’ve likely taught them the importance of using their voice wisely and the power of empathy in advocacy. Despite any experiences where you might have felt silenced, your ability to pass on this strength shows incredible resilience. It’s a clear sign of your success in teaching them to navigate the world with integrity and confidence.

10. They’re Curious And Eager To Learn

Curiosity is a sign of a lively mind and a bright future. If your child is eager to explore new subjects or ask questions, it shows that you’ve successfully fostered a love of learning. This desire to discover and understand is essential for their growth and development. Curiosity means they’re not afraid to dive into the unknown, which is a crucial skill in an ever-changing world.

Encouraging curiosity often means supporting their questions and providing opportunities for learning, even when it’s inconvenient. Despite any personal challenges with education or learning, you’ve shown them that knowledge is a treasure worth seeking. It’s a sign that you’ve encouraged critical thinking and an adventurous spirit. This quality will serve them well, opening doors to endless opportunities and adventures.

11. They’re Comfortable Showing Gratitude

If your child routinely expresses gratitude, it’s a sign you’ve taught them to appreciate life’s blessings, however small or large. Gratitude is a powerful tool for nurturing a positive outlook and deeper connections with others. When your child says “thank you” without prompting or recognizes the efforts of others, it reflects a mindset that values kindness and effort.

Encouraging gratitude involves modeling it in your own life and highlighting moments where appreciation is due. You’ve taught them to see the good in the world, even when faced with personal struggles or hardships. This mindset will help them maintain resilience and positivity throughout their lives. It’s an indicator of the warmth and positivity you’ve managed to cultivate, despite any clouds on your personal horizon.

12. They Get Right Back Up When They Fall

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, and if your children exhibit this, you’ve provided them with a crucial life skill. Resilience doesn’t mean they never struggle—it means they know how to get back up when they do. If your kids can face challenges with determination and optimism, it’s a sign of the strength they’ve inherited from you.

Teaching resilience often involves allowing them to experience and recover from adversity in a supportive environment. You’ve shown them that life’s difficulties are opportunities for growth, even if you’ve faced your own significant battles. This mindset of resilience will empower them to face future obstacles with courage and grace. It’s a testimony to your dedication to raising strong, capable people.

13. They Know How To Work As A Team

If your child can work effectively in team settings, it means you’ve taught them the value of collaboration. Collaboration involves listening, compromising, and contributing, which are essential skills in almost every aspect of life. Whether it’s a team project at school or a family decision, if your child naturally engages with others, they’re well-equipped to handle collective challenges.

Fostering collaboration involves establishing a home environment where everyone’s voice is heard and valued. Despite any personal challenges with teamwork or group dynamics, you’ve shown them that working together can lead to better outcomes. This skill will enable them to succeed in personal and professional settings alike. It’s a sign of your success in teaching them to value the contributions and perspectives of others.

14. They Can Manage Their Own Finances

Here is my salary! Close-up photo of a young girl in a yellow hoodie, smiling with her eyes, hiding her face behind big amount of money in her hands.
My Ocean Production/Shutterstock

If your child has a basic understanding of budgeting, saving, and the value of money, you’ve set them on a path to financial literacy. Financial management is an essential skill that will serve them throughout their lives, and teaching it is a real accomplishment for any parent. It indicates that you’ve not only taught them the basics but also instilled a sense of responsibility.

Teaching financial management often involves sharing lessons from your own experiences—both good and bad. Despite any financial struggles you might have faced, you’ve managed to provide them with tools for financial well-being. It’s a lesson in practicality and foresight that will help them navigate adulthood with confidence. It reflects your ability to rise above personal challenges to prepare them for the future.

15. They’re Happy And Confident

One of the clearest signs of successful parenting is seeing your child genuinely happy and content. Contentment means they’re comfortable in their own skin and satisfied with their life, despite any imperfections. It doesn’t mean every day is perfect, but it shows they have the tools to find joy even when life doesn’t go as planned.

Creating a happy environment often means balancing structure with freedom and providing love without conditions. Despite your emotional struggles, seeing your child laugh freely is a testament to your success. This happiness is a reflection of the love and dedication you’ve poured into raising them. It’s a clear sign that you’ve done a remarkable job, even while navigating your own healing journey.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.