15 Signs You Were Emotionally Abused as a Kid and How It’s Impacted You

15 Signs You Were Emotionally Abused as a Kid and How It’s Impacted You

Emotional abuse in childhood doesn’t always leave visible scars, but its impact can shape who you become in ways you might not even realize. It can affect how you see yourself, how you connect with others, and how you handle your emotions today. Here are 15 signs that you might have been emotionally abused as a kid, along with how it might still be showing up in your life now.

1. You’re Really Hard on Yourself

If you grew up being told you weren’t good enough or were constantly criticized, it’s no wonder you struggle with self-esteem today. Even when you’re doing great, that pesky little voice in your head keeps telling you that you could do better or that you’re not as good as others think. It’s like no matter how far you’ve come, you still see yourself through the eyes of that critical past.

2. You’re Scared to Make Mistakes

When you were a kid, making a mistake might have led to harsh words or judgment. Now, as an adult, the idea of messing up feels terrifying. You’re so afraid of failure that you sometimes hold yourself back from trying new things or taking risks, just to avoid feeling that old sting of criticism again.

3. Trusting People Isn’t Easy for You

If you were let down or manipulated by people you trusted as a child, you probably find it hard to open up now. You might keep a bit of distance in your relationships, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even when people show you they care, you have a hard time believing they’re not going to hurt you in the end.

4. You Try Way Too Hard to Keep Everyone Happy

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You learned early on that keeping others happy was the safest bet. Now as an adult, you might find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no” or bending over backward to avoid upsetting anyone. You’re so focused on making sure everyone else is okay that you often forget to take care of your own needs.

5. You Blame Yourself for Everything

When you were younger, you might have been blamed for things that weren’t even your fault. Today, you still carry that pattern of behavior with you. You automatically assume you messed up even when you didn’t cause the problem. You’re quick to say, “It’s my fault,” even when deep down, you know it’s not fair to put all that blame on yourself.

6. You Get Walked All Over Without Realizing

Growing up, maybe you weren’t allowed to have boundaries, or your needs were ignored. Now, as an adult, setting boundaries is just something you don’t know how to do. No matter who it is, you find it hard to say “no” because you’re worried about letting people down or making them upset.

7. Conflict Freaks You Out

When you think of arguments or confrontations, you get this sinking feeling in your stomach. As a kid, conflict meant that trouble, anger, or something worse was coming, so now you do whatever you can to avoid it. Even if it means biting your tongue or going along with things you don’t agree with, you’d rather keep the peace than risk the fallout.

8. You Can’t Stop Overthinking

You’re always in your head, playing out every possible scenario and analyzing what could go wrong. This habit probably started as a way to keep yourself safe in an unpredictable environment, but now it just makes you anxious and exhausted. You probably just wish you could turn your brain off sometimes, but it’s like you’re always bracing for the worst.

9. Compliments Make You Uncomfortable

When someone gives you a compliment, your first reaction is to deflect or downplay it. You might say things like, “Oh, it’s nothing,” or you laugh it off because deep down, you don’t really believe you deserve it. Praise feels weird to you because you never got it as a child. It’s almost like it’s not meant for you, even when people are genuinely being kind.

10. You’re Way Too Hard on Yourself

You’re your own worst critic, and nothing you do ever seems good enough in your own eyes. That voice in your head is always quick to point out your flaws and remind you of your mistakes. It’s like you’re carrying around the criticisms you heard as a child, and over the years, they’ve become your inner dialogue.

11. You’re Hyper-Aware of People’s Moods

You can read a room in seconds. Growing up, you probably got really good at sensing shifts in other people’s moods to avoid trouble. Now, you’re super sensitive to even the slightest change in someone’s tone or expression. Others might find it strange, but you’re always on the lookout for signs that something’s wrong or that you might be in trouble.

12. Rejection and Abandonment Hit You Hard

If emotional abuse made you feel unwanted or like you didn’t matter, you probably now have a deep fear of being left behind. This fear shows up constantly in most of your relationships—you either pull away before they can hurt you, or you hold on too tight because you’re scared they’ll leave.

13. Feeling Safe Doesn’t Come Naturally

You’re used to living in a state of high alert, always waiting for the next crisis to hit. Even when things are going well, you find it tough to let your guard down or just relax. Because of your upbringing, your mind is trained to expect chaos, so calm and safety feel totally unfamiliar or even suspicious to you.

14. Talking About Your Feelings Is Tough

When you were young, maybe you were told your feelings didn’t matter or were met with anger when you showed emotion. Now, as an adult, talking about your feelings is just something you don’t do. You might keep your emotions locked up tight, not because you don’t have them, but because you don’t know how to let them out safely.

15. Deep Down, You Feel Like You Don’t Deserve Happiness

One of the hardest things to deal with is the belief that you’re not worthy of good things. Maybe you sabotage your own chances at happiness or push away people who treat you well because it just doesn’t feel like you deserve it. It’s like a quiet, lingering voice that tells you that joy and love aren’t meant for you, even though that’s far from the truth.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.