It’s natural to want to support your kids, even when they’re adults, but sometimes that support can get one-sided. If you’re starting to feel like you’re doing more than your share or that the relationship is feeling a bit imbalanced, it could be a sign they’re leaning on you a little too hard. Here are some telltale signs your adult children might be taking advantage of your generosity and kindness.
1. They’re Always Asking for Money
It’s one thing to help them out now and then, but if they’re constantly hitting you up for cash—even for things they could handle on their own—it might be a sign they’re taking advantage. There’s nothing wrong with giving them occasional support here and there, but a steady stream of requests can signal that they’ve come to see you as their personal ATM, rather than a parent who’s there for emergencies.
2. They Don’t Seem Interested in Getting Financially Independent
If they’re in no rush to get on their own feet financially, it might be time to question why. Are they making an effort to budget, find steady work, or manage their money? If they seem content to rely on you indefinitely, it could be a sign they’re a little too comfortable with your financial support and not motivated to become fully independent.
3. They Only Call When They Need Something
Do you only hear from them when they’re in need? If your phone lights up with their name only when there’s a favor or cash involved, that’s a red flag. Relationships should be about more than just requests. If they rarely check in just to see how you’re doing, it may be time to reassess whether they’re appreciating you or just your help.
4. They Expect You to Handle Their Responsibilities
Are you finding yourself doing their laundry, managing their appointments, or picking up after them? When adult children rely on you for things they could—and should—do on their own, it’s often a sign they’re taking advantage of your willingness to help them. Part of being an adult is learning to handle responsibilities, and stepping in too often can keep them from developing these skills.
5. They Guilt-Trip You Into Saying Yes
Do they make you feel bad or manipulate your emotions to get what they want? If they’re throwing out comments like, “But you’re my parent, you’re supposed to help me,” or reminders of how much they’ve “struggled” can sometimes be a subtle guilt trip. If you feel pressured into saying yes to avoid drama, it’s a sign they might be crossing boundaries.
6. They Don’t Seem Grateful for Your Help
If you’re constantly lending a hand but rarely ever hear a “thank you,” it’s a sign they may be taking you for granted. Gratitude shows they recognize and value what you’re doing. If appreciation is missing, it can leave you feeling unappreciated and like your efforts are expected rather than acknowledged.
7. They Get Defensive When You Try to Set Boundaries
When you start setting some limits, do they push back? A healthy relationship should have some boundaries. If they react with anger or frustration when you try to say “no” or suggest they find alternative solutions, it may be a sign they’re used to relying on you a bit too much and feel entitled to that support.
8. They Don’t Take Steps to Better Their Situation
If they’re struggling but aren’t doing much to do anything about it—like looking for a job, budgeting, or considering a more affordable living situation—it might be a sign they’ve grown a little too comfortable with the support you provide. Encouraging them to take action is important, but if they’re ignoring steps toward independence, it may be time for a tougher conversation.
9. They Expect You to Always Say Yes
Are they shocked or annoyed if you ever say “no”? This expectation can mean they’ve grown to see your help as a given. While parents naturally want to support their children, they shouldn’t feel obligated to meet every request. When your “no” isn’t respected, it may be a sign they’ve started to view your help as something they’re owed.
10. They Rely on You for Big Decisions
If they’re constantly asking for your opinion or guidance on decisions they could make themselves, it might be a sign they’re overly dependent. While it’s natural to seek advice, adult children should feel empowered to make choices on their own. If they’re habitually leaning on you for reassurance or validation, it could be holding them back from doing some much-needed learning.
11. They Borrow Items Without Returning Them
If your tools, clothes, or other belongings keep “disappearing” and never seem to find their way back, it could mean they’re not respecting your stuff. This lack of consideration might be cute at first, but it can be a subtle way of taking advantage of your generosity, assuming they can use what’s yours without having to take responsibility for it.
12. They Don’t Help Out When They’re Around
If they come over, make themselves comfortable, and leave a mess behind, that’s a sign of taking advantage. An adult child should treat your home with respect, not as a place to lounge and leave work for you. If they’re not pitching in with household tasks or cleaning up after themselves, it may be a sign they’re treating you more like a service than a parent.
13. They Expect Financial Bailouts Without Making Changes
If you’ve helped them out of financial jams before but they haven’t made any effort to change their spending or budgeting, it’s likely they’re relying on you as their safety net. Constantly bailing them out can create a vicious cycle where they don’t feel the consequences of their bad choices, keeping them from learning the importance of financial responsibility.
14. They Don’t Respect Your Time
Do they ask for help at the last minute or assume you’ll drop everything to accommodate their needs? Not respecting your time—like showing up unexpectedly or expecting immediate answers—can be a sign they don’t appreciate that you have your own life. Having healthy boundaries around time shows respect for both of you, so if they’re always demanding more of it, it’s worth discussing.
15. They’re Not Interested in Giving Back
If they’re quick to ask for help but slow to offer support in return, it can feel pretty one-sided. Relationships, even with adult children, are about mutual care. If they aren’t interested in helping you when you need it, they might be more interested in what you can do for them than in maintaining a balanced relationship.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
