When you first got married, you probably thought it would be blissful forever—a perpetual honeymoon. Yet, as anyone who’s been married for more than five minutes knows, maintaining a marriage takes work, patience, and a whole lot of understanding.
1. You Constantly Argue Over Trivial Things
When every little thing your partner does seems to annoy you, and you find yourselves bickering over things like who left the cap off the toothpaste or why the dishes weren’t put away, it’s a sign something bigger might be brewing. Sure, every couple argues from time to time, but if every conversation turns into a heated debate, that’s a red flag. This pattern of constant bickering can erode the foundation of respect and understanding you both need, leaving resentment in its wake. According to the Gottman Institute, a leading relationship research center, a breakdown in communication is one of the top predictors of relationship distress and potential divorce
In a healthy relationship, partners can navigate disagreements with empathy and a willingness to see the other’s perspective. But when those trivial arguments become the norm, it suggests that both partners might be holding onto unresolved issues and using small annoyances as outlets for their frustrations. It’s important to remember that these little spats should not be the majority share of your interactions. If they are, it might be time to reevaluate and have a candid discussion about what’s really bothering you both. This could be the first step in healing and strengthening your relationship before more serious damage is done.
2. You’re Not As Physically Close As You Used To Be
Physical intimacy is more than just a “nice-to-have” in a marriage; it’s a crucial way to connect with your partner on a deeper level. If you notice that you’re spending more time as roommates than lovers, that’s a sign that something might be amiss. While every couple goes through dry spells, a prolonged absence of any physical connection—be it holding hands, hugging, or kissing—can lead to emotional distancing. Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that couples who consistently prioritize work over their relationship report lower levels of marital satisfaction and increased conflict
This lack of physical connection can create a cycle: the less intimate you are, the more distant you become, which in turn makes intimacy even scarier or less appealing. It can also lead to feelings of rejection or insecurity for both partners. If you’re feeling this disconnect, it’s important to open up a dialogue about it. Often, a simple conversation can alleviate misunderstandings and help you both work towards rekindling that lost spark. Remember that intimacy isn’t just physical—emotional closeness can also help bring the physical aspect back into focus.
3. You Feel A Million Miles Away From Your Partner Emotionally
Feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner can be a lonely experience, especially when you share a life together. It might start small, like not being as interested in each other’s day-to-day happenings or feeling a lack of support during tough times. Over time, this emotional distance can become a chasm that’s difficult to bridge. In a thriving marriage, emotional connection is a pillar that supports the relationship, allowing partners to feel valued, understood, and loved. According to research published in Personal Relationships journal, expressing gratitude to a romantic partner can significantly increase relationship satisfaction and commitment
Often, the first step to closing this emotional gap is acknowledging it. It’s crucial to engage in open and honest communication to rebuild that crucial bond. Make time to ask each other about your days or plan regular activities that allow you to connect on an emotional level. Emotional distance can often be traced back to unresolved conflicts or unmet needs, so it’s essential to address these foundational issues. The journey back to emotional closeness might not be easy, but taking steps to understand each other’s emotional landscape can help guide you back to a more connected place.
4. You No Longer Spend Quality Time Together
In the early days of your relationship, spending time together was probably a priority, and date nights or spontaneous adventures were frequent. However, if your quality time has dwindled to almost nothing, it’s a warning sign that your marriage might be fraying. Life gets busy, and it’s easy to become ships passing in the night, especially if you both have demanding jobs, busy social calendars, or kids.
To reverse this trend, it’s essential to make a conscious effort to carve out time just for the two of you. Whether it’s a weekly date night, a daily walk, or even just a few minutes of conversation over coffee, these moments are crucial for maintaining connection. It’s not just about scheduling time but also about being present during that time. Put away the phones, turn off the TV, and focus on each other. Quality time doesn’t have to be lavish or extravagant—it just has to be meaningful. By making each other a priority again, you can begin to strengthen and repair your relationship.
5. You’re Keeping Secrets From Them
Trust and transparency are cornerstones of any successful marriage. If you find that either of you is keeping secrets or withholding information, it can create a rift that’s hard to overcome. Whether it’s as small as hiding a purchase or as significant as concealing feelings or interactions with others, secrets can erode trust over time. The American Psychological Association states that self-care practices can significantly reduce stress and improve overall well-being, which in turn can positively impact relationships.
The antidote to secrecy is open communication and trust-building actions. If you’re finding it difficult to be transparent, it’s important to explore why that might be the case. Have a conversation about your needs for privacy and honesty, and establish what transparency looks like for both of you. In some cases, therapy can be a helpful space to work through these issues. Rebuilding trust is possible, but it requires effort and commitment from both partners. By focusing on honesty and openness, you can start to mend any cracks that secrecy has created in your marriage.
6. You’re Always Criticizing Them
If your interactions are dominated by criticism, sarcasm, or a pervasive negative attitude, it’s a sign that your marriage might be under strain. Criticism can often feel more like an attack on the person rather than a critique of a situation or behavior, leaving them feeling defensive and unloved. It’s one thing to express dissatisfaction constructively, but constant criticism can chip away at your partner’s self-esteem and create a toxic atmosphere. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that maintaining individual identities within a marriage is associated with higher levels of marital quality and personal well-being
To counteract a pattern of negativity, focus on the positives and express gratitude for your partner’s efforts and qualities. When you need to address issues, use “I” statements and focus on the behavior, not the person. For example, say “I feel overwhelmed when…” instead of “You never help me…” This approach keeps the conversation constructive and can help rebuild a more positive dynamic. By consciously cultivating an environment of appreciation and understanding, you can slowly turn the tide and restore the sense of partnership and love in your marriage.
7. You Feel Suffocated By The Marriage
If either partner feels stuck in the marriage, it’s a clear sign that something needs to change. This feeling often arises from unmet expectations, unfulfilled desires, or a lack of meaningful progression in the relationship. Feeling trapped can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction, which can be toxic if left unaddressed. It’s important to remember that marriage is a partnership that should uplift both people, allowing them to grow together and individually. If that’s not happening, a sense of entrapment can start to take hold, leading to emotional withdrawal or even thoughts of leaving the relationship.
To address this, open up a dialogue about each other’s needs, goals, and aspirations. Sometimes, feeling stuck can be a signal that you’re both ready to evolve the relationship to a new level. This might involve setting new goals together, exploring new hobbies, or even seeking professional guidance to navigate the rough waters. It’s about creating a space where both partners feel free to express themselves and are supported in their personal and mutual growth. By doing so, you can transform a feeling of being stuck into an opportunity for renewed connection and direction.
8. You Have Different Goals In Life
Over time, people grow and change, and sometimes their life goals no longer align as closely as they once did. If you and your partner have differing visions for the future—whether it’s about career paths, family planning, or lifestyle choices—it can create tension and uncertainty in your relationship. In a healthy marriage, partners work together to support each other’s dreams, but when those dreams conflict, it can feel like you’re on diverging paths. This can lead to feelings of isolation or frustration, as if you’re not truly understood or supported by your partner.
To navigate differing life goals, it’s crucial to have honest conversations about where you both see yourselves in the future. Discuss your individual aspirations and how you can support each other in achieving them. It might involve finding a compromise or redefining what your future together looks like. Remember, successful couples are those who can adapt and find ways to align their goals in a way that nurtures both partners. By being open to change and willing to negotiate, you can work towards a shared vision and ensure that your paths, while individual, still walk side by side.
9. You’ve Stopped Arguing Altogether
While no one enjoys conflict, avoiding it altogether can be just as damaging as constant arguing. If you find that you’re both sweeping issues under the rug rather than addressing them, it could mean your marriage is in trouble. Avoidance might keep the peace in the short term, but it often leads to unresolved issues festering into bigger problems down the line. When partners avoid conflict, it can create a superficial sense of harmony while masking deeper issues that never get resolved. This can result in a buildup of resentment and misunderstandings, eventually leading to a breakdown in communication and connection.
To counteract this, it’s important to view conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than something to be feared. Establish healthy ways to discuss disagreements and ensure both partners feel heard and understood. Practice active listening and empathy, focusing on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. By addressing conflicts head-on, you can strengthen your relationship and create a more resilient partnership. Remember, it’s not the presence of conflict that determines the health of a relationship, but how you handle it together.
10. You’re Having Financial Disagreements

Money is often cited as one of the leading causes of marital strife. If you and your partner frequently clash over financial matters—whether it’s saving, spending habits, or financial goals—it can create a significant strain on the relationship. Financial disagreements are often about more than just money; they can reflect underlying issues of trust, power dynamics, or differing values. This can lead to a vicious cycle where financial stress impacts your relationship, which in turn exacerbates money problems.
To address financial disagreements, it’s important to approach the topic with openness and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. Create a safe space to discuss your financial concerns and goals, and work together to develop a plan that respects both of your needs and values. Seeking the guidance of a financial advisor or couples therapist can also help in navigating these tricky waters. Remember, it’s not about winning or losing, but finding a balance that works for both of you. By aligning your financial goals, you can reduce stress and build a stronger foundation for your marriage.
11. You Don’t Appreciate Them Anymore
Feeling unappreciated in a marriage can be incredibly disheartening. If either partner feels like their efforts, big or small, are going unnoticed or undervalued, it can lead to resentment and emotional distance. Appreciation is a fundamental way to show love and respect, reinforcing the idea that you value your partner’s contributions to the relationship. When this is lacking, it can create an atmosphere where one or both partners feel taken for granted or unimportant, which can slowly erode the bond you share.
To counteract this, try to consciously acknowledge and express gratitude for each other’s efforts. This could be as simple as saying thank you for daily tasks or recognizing the emotional support your partner provides. Small gestures of appreciation can make a big difference in how connected and valued you both feel. By fostering a culture of gratitude, you can counteract feelings of neglect and reignite a positive dynamic in your marriage. Showing appreciation is a powerful way to reinforce your partnership and renew your commitment to each other.
12. You’re Engaging In Emotional Cheating
While physical infidelity is often a clear boundary, emotional affairs can be just as damaging, if not more so, due to the deep emotional connection involved. If either partner is forming emotional connections outside the marriage that fulfill needs not being met at home, it’s a significant sign of trouble. Emotional affairs can start innocently but often lead to feelings of betrayal and mistrust. They can create a divide and shift focus away from the marriage, making it difficult to address the issues that led to this situation in the first place.
If you’re worried about emotional infidelity, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation about boundaries and unmet needs. Focus on strengthening your emotional connection and finding ways to fulfill those needs within the marriage. If necessary, seek the guidance of a therapist to navigate the complex emotions and rebuild trust. Remember, emotional intimacy should be nurtured within the marriage first and foremost. By addressing any deficiencies, you can work towards healing and creating a stronger, more unified partnership.
13. You Compare Them To Other People
If you or your partner constantly compare your marriage to others—whether it’s friends, family, or even fictional couples—it can set unrealistic expectations and breed dissatisfaction. Social media can exacerbate this issue, presenting seemingly perfect relationships that make your own feel inadequate by comparison. These comparisons can lead to feelings of envy, insecurity, or resentment, detracting from your ability to appreciate and work on your own relationship. It’s important to remember that every marriage is unique, and what works for others may not be applicable to your own situation.
To combat the negative effects of comparison, focus on the strengths and uniqueness of your own relationship. Practice gratitude and remind yourself of the qualities and experiences that make your marriage special. By putting effort into appreciating what you have, you can shift your focus from what you lack to what you value. Embrace your partnership with all its imperfections, and work together to create a marriage that fulfills both of you, rather than living up to an external ideal.
14. You Never Feel Like You Have A Moment Of Peace

While marriage is about togetherness, maintaining individuality is equally important. If one or both partners feel suffocated or unable to pursue personal interests and friendships, it can create tension and dissatisfaction. A lack of personal space can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed or losing one’s sense of self, which can be damaging to both the person and the marriage. It’s important to strike a balance between togetherness and independence, ensuring that both partners feel supported in pursuing their personal passions.
To address this, have a discussion about boundaries and the importance of personal space. Encourage each other to pursue hobbies, friendships, and interests outside of the marriage, while also prioritizing quality time together. By allowing each other the freedom to grow individually, you can enrich your relationship and avoid feelings of resentment or stagnation. Remember, a healthy marriage is one where both partners feel free to be themselves while also being a committed part of a loving partnership.
15. You’re Not Thinking About A Shared Future Anymore
If you and your partner are no longer making plans for the future together—whether it’s about vacations, retirement, or even the upcoming weekend—it can be a sign that your marriage is losing its direction. Future planning is a way to express commitment and shared goals, reinforcing the idea that you’re both in this for the long haul. When this stops happening, it can lead to feelings of uncertainty and disconnection, as if the relationship is stuck in a state of limbo.
To rekindle a sense of shared future, start by discussing your hopes and dreams with each other. Set goals—both big and small—that you can work towards together, and find ways to actively plan for them. Whether it’s a short-term goal like a weekend getaway or a long-term one like saving for a home, these plans can create a sense of partnership and excitement about what lies ahead. By focusing on a shared future, you can strengthen your bond and ensure that your marriage continues to grow and evolve.