Everyone wants a partnership built on mutual respect and equality, but sometimes, the scales tip, giving one partner the upper hand. Spotting the signs early can save you from heartache and bring balance back into the relationship. Here are 15 signs that your partner might have the upper hand in your relationship.
1. They Make All the Decisions
If it feels like you’re constantly going along with what your partner wants, you might be ceding control. Whether it’s choosing where to eat, what to watch, or even bigger life decisions, your input seems to be on the back burner. According to Psychology Today, decision-making should be a shared responsibility to foster a healthy relationship. If your partner consistently overrides your opinion, it’s a red flag that they may have the upper hand.
This can lead to a sense of losing yourself in the relationship. Over time, you may notice that your preferences and desires take a backseat, leaving you feeling sidelined. A balanced relationship values the voices of both partners equally. If your partner dismisses your thoughts or makes you feel like your opinions don’t matter, it’s time to reevaluate the distribution of power.
2. They Control The Finances
Money can be a contentious issue, and if your partner is the one holding the financial reins, the power dynamics may be skewed in their favor. They might decide how much money is spent and where, leaving you feeling financially dependent or insecure. CNBC highlights the importance of financial transparency and teamwork to prevent an imbalance. If you’re kept out of the loop or feel restricted, that’s a sign they may have too much control.
Financial control can manifest subtly, like when your partner questions your spending or requires approval for purchases. This type of control can lead to a loss of independence and personal agency in the relationship. It’s crucial to have open conversations about money and ensure both partners feel equally involved in financial decisions. A balanced approach helps prevent resentment and promotes mutual respect.
3. They Set The Social Calendar
If your social calendar seems to revolve around your partner’s schedule and interests, they might be calling all the shots. Whether it’s whose friends you see, the activities you do, or the events you attend, your social life could be more about them than you. A healthy relationship should balance individual and shared interests. If your social life is dictated by one partner, it might indicate an imbalance of power.
Being sidelined in social settings can lead to feelings of isolation or losing touch with your network. You may begin to miss out on personal interests and hobbies, which can diminish your sense of self. Both partners should have the chance to introduce each other to their circles and interests. If your social life is monopolized, it’s time for a conversation about balance and inclusion.
4. They Always Win Arguments
If disagreements always seem to end with your partner “winning,” it’s a sign that they might have the upper hand. Healthy arguments should be about resolution and understanding, not victory. When one person constantly comes out on top, it can leave the other feeling unheard or undervalued. Effective communication is a cornerstone of a healthy partnership and should involve active listening and compromise.
Over time, consistently losing arguments can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy. You may start to feel like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter, reducing your willingness to engage in future discussions. It’s important to have an open dialogue where both perspectives are valued and considered. If your partner always seems to get their way, it might be time to assess the balance of power in your interactions.
5. They Demand Constant Attention
If your partner requires a constant spotlight, it could be a sign of an unequal dynamic. Their need for attention might overshadow your own needs and desires, creating an imbalance. As highlighted by The Gottman Institute, healthy relationships require giving and receiving attention, not just one-sided admiration. If you find yourself giving more emotional energy than you receive, it may be a sign.
This incessant demand for attention can leave you emotionally drained and unsatisfied. Your own needs and desires may get lost in the mix, leading to a lack of fulfillment. A relationship should be a two-way street where both partners feel valued and appreciated. If you’re constantly feeding your partner’s need for attention without receiving the same in return, it’s an area worth addressing.
6. They Rarely Compromise
When compromise is one-sided, it can reveal an imbalance in the relationship. If your partner is unwilling to meet halfway, it could be a sign they hold more power. Healthy relationships require negotiation and flexibility. A lack of compromise can lead to one partner feeling consistently shortchanged and undervalued.
You might find that you’re always the one bending to accommodate their preferences. This can breed resentment and dissatisfaction over time. In a balanced relationship, both partners should feel their needs are being addressed. If compromise seems like a foreign concept to your partner, it’s time to have a serious discussion about fairness.
7. They Keep Score
Keeping track of who did what can be a subtle way to maintain control. If your partner frequently reminds you of past favors or mistakes, it might be their way of holding power. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support and understanding, not a tally of rights and wrongs. A partner who keeps score may be more focused on control than collaboration.
This scorekeeping can create a transactional atmosphere in your relationship. Instead of experiencing a sense of unity, you might feel like you’re in constant debt. It’s important to cultivate an environment of mutual respect and gratitude. If your partner regularly brings up old scores, it might be time to talk about fostering a healthier dynamic.
8. They Withhold Affection
Using affection as a bargaining tool can be a significant power play. If your partner withholds love or intimacy as a form of manipulation, it indicates an unhealthy power dynamic. Affection should be freely given and received, not used as leverage. Withholding intimacy can leave one partner feeling isolated and undervalued.
This type of manipulation can ruin trust and emotional safety in the relationship. You may start to question your worth and feel insecure about expressing your needs. A healthy relationship should be a safe space for both partners to express love and receive it in return. If affection is being used as a weapon, it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic.
9. They Always Have The Final Say
If your partner always has the last word, it might indicate they hold more power in the relationship. Whether it’s about plans, decisions, or arguments, having the final say can leave you feeling voiceless. Healthy relationships involve collaboration and shared decision-making. When one person consistently dominates, it can get very tough.
You might find that your opinions and suggestions are often overlooked or dismissed. This can lead to feelings of frustration and disconnection. It’s crucial for both partners to feel empowered to contribute to discussions. If your partner always has the final say, it’s worth addressing the balance of power in your relationship.
10. They Use Guilt As A Tool
Guilt-tripping can be an effective way to manipulate and control. If your partner often uses guilt to get their way, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic. This tactic shifts the balance of power and can lead to feelings of resentment. Healthy relationships should be based on respect and understanding, not emotional manipulation.
This behavior can make you feel constantly indebted to your partner. You may find yourself agreeing to things out of guilt rather than genuine desire. It’s important to establish boundaries and communicate openly about feelings of manipulation. If guilt is a recurring theme, it’s time for a conversation about healthier communication strategies.
11. They Control Communication
If your partner controls how, when, and why communication happens, it might indicate your relationship is off balance. Communication should be a two-way street, allowing both partners to express their thoughts and feelings freely. When one person dictates the flow of communication, it can stifle the other’s voice. Healthy relationships thrive on open and honest dialogue.
You may notice you’re hesitant to bring up certain topics or share your feelings. This can lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection over time. It’s important for both partners to feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of repercussion. If your partner dictates communication, it’s time to address this imbalance.
12. They Minimize Your Achievements
If your partner frequently downplays your accomplishments, it could be a power move to keep the focus on themselves. Your successes should be celebrated, not diminished. A partner who minimizes your achievements may be trying to maintain control by undermining your self-esteem. Mutual support and encouragement are vital for a healthy relationship.
This behavior can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. You might start to question the value of your achievements and feel less confident in your abilities. In a balanced relationship, both partners uplift and celebrate each other’s successes. If your achievements are consistently minimized, it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic.
13. They Exhibit Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behaviors can manifest in various forms, from dictating your actions to controlling your environment. If your partner is constantly asserting control, it may indicate an imbalance of power. Healthy relationships allow for autonomy and independence. When one partner exhibits controlling behaviors, it can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment.
You may find yourself altering your behavior to avoid conflict or criticism. This can lead to a loss of identity and personal freedom. A healthy relationship should empower both partners to express themselves freely. If controlling behaviors are present, it’s time to address the balance of power.
14. They Are Emotionally Unavailable
If your partner is distant or indifferent to your emotional needs, it can leave you feeling unsupported. Emotional connection is a vital component of a healthy relationship. When one partner is unavailable, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
This lack of emotional support can make you question the depth and authenticity of the relationship. You may feel like your emotional needs are being neglected, leading to dissatisfaction. A balanced relationship involves mutual emotional investment and support. If your partner is emotionally unavailable, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
15. They Undermine Your Confidence
If your partner frequently questions your abilities or belittles your choices, it could be a tactic to maintain control. Your confidence and self-esteem should be bolstered, not chopped down, by your partner. Undermining your confidence is a power play that keeps the focus on your perceived shortcomings. Mutual respect and support are key elements of a healthy partnership.
This behavior can lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. You might start to question your worth and feel less confident in making decisions. A supportive relationship encourages growth and self-assurance. If your confidence is being undermined, it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic that needs to be addressed.
