Showing up physically, practically, and emotionally in a relationship shows commitment and emotional maturity. It also allows you to connect deeply, share openly, and build a bond that can weather any storm. If something feels off about your partner and they are inconsistent in their actions and feelings and distant at times, they could be emotionally unavailable. Here are 15 signs to spot someone forging an emotional distance.
1. They Avoid Deep Conversations
Small talk comes easily, but this is a red flag if your partner shuts down or changes the subject when feelings, fears, or the future are on the table. Emotionally unavailable partners avoid deep conversations because they don’t want to expose their vulnerabilities. If every serious discussion is met with a wall of silence or deflection, you have a situation on your hands.
2. They Keep You at Arm’s Length
If your partner has built a physical or emotional wall between you, they are emotionally unavailable. Avoiding physical affection or not inviting you to share in every aspect of their personal life helps them maintain just enough space to keep you from getting too close. They’re not fully committed to the relationship if you’re constantly trying to bridge the gap, only to be stonewalled.
3. They’re Inconsistent in Their Actions
Inconsistency is a trademark of emotional unavailability. If, in one minute, they’re all in, the next, they’re nowhere to be found, and this unpredictable behavior will leave you spinning. This push-and-pull dynamic causes insecurity and frustration. It is a sign that your partner is struggling with their emotional barriers and isn’t ready or able to invest in the relationship fully.
4. They Don’t Express Their Feelings
Sharing emotions builds connection and intimacy, but emotionally unavailable partners are looking for the opposite, so they tend to bottle things up. If your partner rarely talks about how their feelings or shows fear, anger, or love, it means they aren’t emotionally developed. This can make it hard to properly connect and leave you feeling like you’re the only one invested in the relationship.
5. They Prioritize Work or Hobbies Over You
It’s normal and healthy for people, including your partner, to have their passions and responsibilities. But when they consistently prioritize work, hobbies, or everything else over spending time with you, it shows they are physically unavailable. They could be staying busy to avoid getting too close for fear of getting hurt or having to engage in the emotional aspects of the relationship. Either way, it’s a sign that something’s off.
6. They Avoid Commitment
If your partner appears allergic to the idea of commitment, whether defining the relationship, making future plans, or talking about where things are headed, they are emotionally unavailable. When someone always keeps things vague or refuses to discuss the future, it’s a strong indicator that they’re not fully invested or struggle with the idea of commitment.
7. They Make You Feel Like an Afterthought
You deserve to feel like a priority in your partner’s life. Still, if they tend to cancel plans at the last minute, forget important dates, or make you feel like an afterthought, they are disrespectful and emotionally unavailable. Take this as a sign that your partner isn’t fully present in the relationship or needs to grow up.
8. They’re Distant During Conflicts
Conflict happens in every relationship, but how your partner handles it can reveal much about their emotional availability. If they shut down, become defensive, or avoid the issue during an argument, they’re uncomfortable dealing with emotions. Instead of working through problems together, they will retreat or stonewall, leaving you feeling alone and unheard.
9. They Don’t Divulge Personal Details
Building a deep, lasting connection means being open and vulnerable to sharing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. But they’re not emotionally open if your partner keeps you in the dark about their past, dreams, or daily life. This lack of transparency can prevent the relationship from growing and leave you feeling like you don’t really know them.
10. They Can’t Show Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share someone else’s feelings, and it’s crucial for emotional intimacy. It is not a good sign if your partner struggles to empathize with you, brush off your concerns, or fail to support you in tough times. A lack of empathy can make you feel disconnected and unsupported in the relationship, and your partner appears sold.
11. They Excell at Short-Term Relationships
A pattern of short-lived relationships is common among the emotionally available. They tend to jump from one partner to the next, never sticking around long enough to forget the deep connection. If your partner has a history of brief, superficial relationships, take it as a strong message they’re not ready or willing to commit.
12. They Avoid Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is as important as physical affection. emotional. If your partner shies away from affection and emotional closeness, they are emotionally unavailable. They might avoid holding hands, cuddling, or even having meaningful conversations because they’re uncomfortable with vulnerability and fear getting too close will get hurt.
13. They Make You Feel Lonely
There is such a thing as single, together. If you feel alone in your relationship, your partner is emotionally absent. Even if they are physically present and you’re watching a show or eating dinner together, they’re checked out emotionally. This will make you dissatisfied with the relationship, resentful of your partner, and wonder what they (and you) are doing.
