Struggling with low self-esteem can be crippling, and it can manifest in ways that impact your relationships. If your partner is not confident in their appearance, ability, or how you feel about them, it can strain your connection. Recognizing these signs of low self-esteem can help you support your partner and strengthen your relationship.
1. They Need a Lot of Reassurance
If your partner constantly asks for reassurance, it reflects their self-esteem. It’s natural to want admiration and validation from a partner, but when someone doesn’t feel good about themselves, they might need you to reassure them about how they look, their behavior, and whether or not you love them. This can be exhausting for both of you and creates a power imbalance.
2. They Never Accept a Compliment
If your partner brushes off compliments or changes the subject when you try to give them one, that’s their low self-esteem, making them believe they’re not worthy of praise. When someone doesn’t feel comfortable with their ability, they will downplay or dismiss compliments because they make them very uncomfortable.
3. They Apologize Too Much
When someone always apologizes, even when there’s no need, this is their low self-esteem talking. People who feel like they are always in the wrong or are a burden to others tend to apologize non-stop. It’s as if they feel like an inconvenience and also want to avoid upsetting you, which is a sign that they don’t feel secure in themselves or the relationship.
4. They Struggle with Decisions
A partner with low self-esteem will defer to you when it comes to making decisions. It might be a decision as small as choosing a restaurant or as big as a major life change, but they lack confidence in their ability to make a choice as they fear getting it wrong. This indecisiveness can be frustrating and puts a lot of responsibility on your shoulders.
5. They Don’t Think they Measure Up
If your partner is constantly comparing themselves to friends, coworkers, or even strangers on social media, they have issues around self-worth. Measuring yourself against others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy, creating tension in your relationship. Remind them they are unique and that you love and value them for who they are.
6. They Fear Rejection
People with low self-esteem avoid conflict because they’re afraid of being rejected. If your partner shies away from difficult conversations, backs down too quickly, or blindly goes along with whatever you say, they don’t have the confidence to exert their opinion or stand up for themselves. This type of avoidance can lead to unresolved issues and resentment, which can affect your relationship.
7. They Worry You’ll Leave Them
Worrying that you no longer love them or constantly asking if you want to leave is a classic sign of low self-esteem. If your partner questions how you feel about them, they may believe they’re not worthy of love or fear you’ll eventually move on to someone better. This need for constant reassurance can be draining and create a cycle of anxiety in your relationship.
8. They Self-Sabotage
Ironically, when good things happen to people with low self-esteem, they sabotage them because they don’t believe they deserve it. If your partner has a pattern of creating drama or causing problems when things are going well, it’s their way of subconsciously pushing you away before you have a chance to leave. This behavior is a defense mechanism that can seriously damage your relationship if not addressed.
9. They Need Constant Attention
Low self-esteem can manifest as a need for constant attention. If your partner gets upset when you spend time with friends or focus on anything outside of the relationship, it’s because they feel insecure about the relationship. This clinginess and co-dependency can be suffocating and may push you further away.
10. They Have a Negative Self-Image
Pay attention to how your partner talks to themselves. Using negative language to describe how they look, how they act, and what they think others think of them is a clear sign of low self-esteem. They might make self-deprecating jokes or downplay their achievements, and this negative self-talk perpetuates their low self-esteem.
11. They Fake Confidence
On the flip side, some people with low self-esteem will overcompensate by faking confidence and bragging about their achievements. It’s their way to mask insecurities and convince themselves (and others) that they’re worthy. This can backfire as it can come across as arrogant and insincere and turn you and offer them.
12. They Can’t Handle Criticism
When someone has low self-esteem, they are already their own worst critic, so they can’t handle even the slightest criticism. Your partner may consider any critique confirmation of their worst fears—that they’re hopeless and not good enough. This hypersensitivity can make it difficult to have constructive conversations and lead to unnecessary arguments and hurt feelings.
13. They’re Desperate Please You
Everyone wants a partner who cares about their happiness, but when they put your needs above their own, it’s a sure sign of low self-esteem. They tend to perform and bend over backward because they feel they need to earn your love and deperately hold onto it. This is because they didn’t feel they were worthy of it in the first place. When your partner doesn’t know how to meet their own needs, it creates an unbalanced, resentful relationship.
14. They’re Jealous and Possessive
Acting out of jealousy and being possessive toward your partner are signs of low self-esteem. If your partner is obsessed that you will become interested in someone else or tries to control who you spend time with, it’s because they don’t feel they deserve happiness and stability. It’s also a serious red flag, as this level of insecurity can lead to deep trust issues and tension.
15. They Don’t Pursue Their Goals
A partner with low self-esteem might shy away from pursuing their dreams and goals because they don’t believe they can achieve them. They might avoid taking risks or trying new things and idle in the safe lane. This lack of ambition can be frustrating as you may believe in them and want them to fulfill their potential.
