15 Signs You’re Choosing The Wrong Guys

15 Signs You’re Choosing The Wrong Guys ©iStock/Viktor_Gladkov

You can’t help who you’re attracted to, and being attracted to a guy is an important aspect of any relationship. However, there needs to be a whole lot more to it if it’s going to last. If things keep going wrong despite feeling that initial spark, you may just be picking the wrong guys. Can’t tell? Here are a few signs:

  1. Your love life can be summarized as a string of relationships in which you’ve been used or abused. Yes, it IS his fault that he abused you. This much is true. It’s also very true that getting out of abusive relationships is hard to do. However, if this keeps happening to you, you have to wonder if there’s something you should be doing in order to avoid this happening in the future, such as dumping a guy the first time he insults you, or refusing to tolerate bad behavior.
  2. People have straight up told you that the guys you pick are awful. They might be right. It usually takes a lot for people to actually muster up the courage to say something like that to a person, so take it seriously when it happens.
  3. Your exes have dumped you via really messed up methods. Ghosting after five years? Leaving you because you gained give pounds? He decided to just “buy cigarettes” and never come back when you were raising his child? If guys are doing this to you, chances are that you’re picking the wrong dating material from the get-go, and were ignoring the signs already.
  4. You pick guys for really shallow reasons. Sure, we’re all a little shallow, but you really shouldn’t be picking your next boyfriend by the style of shoes that he wears or how good he looks in a t-shirt.
  5. You regularly come up with ways to excuse your love interest’s behavior, even before you’re official. As the saying goes,”Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” If you already have to sit there and come up with ways to justify a guy’s behavior, you’re dealing with someone who’s beneath you. Instead of wasting your time and energy on a guy you already have to explain away, why not wait for something better?
  6. You believe you can “fix” guys. Sadly, the only person you can ever really change is yourself. Going out with a man with the hopes of fixing him is like buying a rusted bicycle with bent wheels in hopes of finishing a marathon with it.
  7. You’re desperate, and you feel like you only attract creeps, so that’s what you date. A lot of people know that they attract terrible people, but feel like that’s all they can ever get because of it. The truth is that it’s better to be alone than it is to be with a person who will hurt you.
  8. You have a bit of a savior complex. There’s something innately rewarding about doing right by other people, but the truth is that some people end up getting slightly addicted to the feeling of being wanted or needed. Dealing with drama as a way to martyr yourself isn’t helping you, and more often than not, the people who you do so much for will only take it for granted. It’s not your job to be Superwoman, so stop trying to save Dudes In Distress.
  9. You consider major dealbreakers normal. It’s not normal to never hear from your boyfriend unless he wants sex. It’s not normal to date a guy, but never see his friends or family. It’s not normal to constantly pay for your boyfriend’s share of things. It’s also not normal to deal with guys who regularly insult you, embarrass you, or gross you out on purpose. If this kind of stuff has become normal to you, then you’re definitely picking the wrong guys.
  10. You’re usually the side chick. Why anyone would tolerate this is beyond me. Don’t you feel like you should be someone’s #1?
  11. Most of the guys who you’ve dated resolve conflict through violence, threats, or screaming. In normal society, this kind of conflict resolution is called being a complete and total psycho. Even if he’s not using that anger on you, that’s not acceptable.
  12. Not a single friend or family member ever seems to like the guys you introduce to them. Your friends and loved ones care about you. If they can’t stand the guy you’re with, that might be because they think he’s bad news. If this keeps happening, then it’s likely your taste in men that’s to blame.
  13. You really do believe everyone settles. No, everyone doesn’t.
  14. The guys you date hate women, and have no issue badmouthing every other female around you. They wax poetic about the horrible times that their “crazy ex” hurt them. They tell you how all women are “shallow bitches,” and how they all are out for money. If your date says anything like this, he hates all women — and that includes you. 
  15. You don’t actually believe good men are out there, but you can’t wait until your next date. There are some guys out there who are good, just not many. Shouldn’t you focus on getting a better guy than just getting a lot of dates with losers instead?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.