Signs He Thinks You’re Out Of His League

When you have a connection with someone, the most important thing is how well you relate to each other. Things like how much money you have or how many people you’ve slept with really shouldn’t matter. Unfortunately, to many guys, they do. Here are some signs he thinks you’re out of his league, a few indicators that you actually are, and what to do about it.

What is the meaning of being out of someone’s league?

The phrase “out of someone’s league” is often used to indicate that one person is perceived to be more attractive, successful, or desirable than another person. Because of this, it seems unlikely or impossible that they would be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship. Essentially, it suggests that the two people involved aren’t on the same level in terms of desirability, social status, etc. It can also imply a sense of inferiority or inadequacy on the part of the person who feels they are “out of the other’s league.”

Of course, this is all in our minds. With very few exceptions, no one is “better” or “worse” than anyone else. Leagues don’t exist unless we let them. Sadly, many people do.

Signs he thinks you’re out of his league

  1. You’re more successful in your career than he is. This shouldn’t really be a big deal. After all, your ability to climb the ladder depends on a variety of things, from the industry you’re in to the connections you’re able to make. This doesn’t automatically mean you’re out of his league. However, many guys’ egos are bruised over this imbalance. He might not be able to handle it.
  2. You make more money than him. Female breadwinners are bomb, but not all men feel that way. One of the biggest signs he thinks you’re out of his league is if he gets tetchy about money. If he knows you make more of it, he likely feels insecure. Maybe he worries he won’t be able to provide for you. You don’t need him to, but that’s beside the point.
  3. You’re an extrovert and he’s an introvert. Outgoing people are the life of the party, and that can be intimidating if that’s not your personality. However, sometimes opposites attract. Unless your lifestyles are wildly different, this shouldn’t be a big deal. It certainly doesn’t mean you’re better than him!
  4. You have more relationship experience than him. It’s scary for a guy to admit he’s not on par with the woman he’s dating. However, neither of you can help how many relationships you have or haven’t had. You might have learned a few extra lessons, but that doesn’t make him inept. This shouldn’t be intimidating, but it is for many guys. This is one of the biggest signs he thinks you’re out of his league.
  5. You have more education than he does. Schooling isn’t everything, but you’re proud of your education. As you should be. If you’re working on your Ph.D. while he barely completed his GED, there might be some tension there.
  6. You’re extremely self-assured and he’s insecure. Never apologize for loving yourself and knowing what you have to offer. Your self-worth is hard-earned and you should never compromise it. However, if you’re dating a guy who’s not quite there yet, it can create problems. You may end up having to constantly assuage his ego, and that’s not right.
  7. You have a nicer house or car. You work hard for your money and you provide yourself with nice things. That’s not your fault, nor is it a bad thing. If he’s not in the same financial position, that’s a shame. However, unless it’s a result of pure laziness, he shouldn’t stress. If he keeps working hard, you know he’ll get there.
  8. A lot of guys seem to like you. This is one of the biggest signs he thinks you’re too good for him. It’s great that he realizes you’re a high-value woman, but being desirable doesn’t make you better than anyone else. You’re with him because you want to be. Why doesn’t he get that?
  9. You’re conventionally hot and he’s not. Again, your physical appearance isn’t everything, but it does matter to many people. On the one hand, he’s attracted to you because you’re hot. On the other, if he’s not quite on your level physically, he could feel insecure. It’s a nightmare
  10. You’re older or younger than him. If you’re older, he might feel like an immature kid who can’t offer you as much as guys your own age could. If you’re younger, he might worry that he’s a creepy old man and you’d rather have someone younger.
  11. You typically date really hot guys. If he’s not confident, this will be one of the major signs he thinks you’re too good for him. It’s not like you deliberately only seek out attractive men, it’s just sort of worked out that way. What this guy needs to realize is that you obviously find him attractive too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be with him.
  12. You’re extremely ambitious. That’s a good quality, by the way. If he doesn’t know what to do with his life and you have concrete plans on what to do with yours, that may create some discord.
  13. You’re a world traveler and he’s never left the country. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to afford to travel. Some people don’t have the time or the means or their circumstances don’t allow it. You don’t judge him for it, but he seems to think you do.
  14. You’re fearless and he’s often paralyzed by indecision. You don’t mind taking risks. In fact, you know that’s where the rewards lie. If he’s plagued by uncertainty and fear, he’s going to worry you’re out of his league or you’re too good for him because he can’t fly by the seat of his pants in the way that you can.

How you know you really are too good for him

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  1. You sometimes feel embarrassed to be seen with him. If the guy you’re dating is actually an embarrassment to you, you probably should reconsider the relationship altogether. After all, you should view your partner as someone you’re proud to be with — if he’s not, then you need to end it.
  2. You find yourself constantly supporting him financially, or constantly having to coach him on how to behave. This is a sign that you probably are dating a manchild, not an actual man. It’s OK to take the lead, but when he can’t do much on his own, it’s clear you’re not with an equal.
  3. People have offered to set you up with someone else, just based on his looks alone. Looks aren’t everything, but they do account for something in terms of how others see the two of you. If you’re a solid 10 and he’s a solid 2, chances are that people are wondering if you’re really interested in him. Out of all of the traits on this list, this one matters the least. If the two of you are happy, who is anyone to judge?
  4. It seems as if he’s trying to come up with ways to find fault with you. This is a sign that he’s really insecure about your status/wealth/looks, and he’s trying to make it feel like there’s an even playing field. It’s also a sign of an abusive lover. If he does this, you’re way above him, and you deserve far better than anything he can give you.
  5. There’s a serious difference in education between you. If you have an MBA and he dropped out because high school didn’t vibe with his laid-back lifestyle, chances are that you’re way out of his league. When you spend your time learning, you quickly find out that people who avoid books like the plague can’t always keep up with the topics you want to discuss. It can be tiring, to say the least.
  6. People have flat-out asked you what you see in him, or why you’re with him. This is usually something that is voiced in concern for your well-being. If you can’t come up with a good explanation about what you find fun about him, it may be time to cut the cords on the guy you’re seeing.
  7. You innately expect him to put you on a pedestal. In this case, you may be shocked to find out that most men who are below you will not usually see what you have to offer. Guys who are beneath what you should date often are just too douchey to realize what they have until it’s gone.
  8. There’s a major disconnect over how much give and take there is in the relationship. If you’re doing all the giving and he’s doing all the taking, chances are high that he’s a loser who doesn’t realize what he had. If you find yourself constantly making sacrifices for him while he just skates along, chances are that you’re out of his league and you deserve better.
  9. His parents love you; your parents hate him. Barring any sort of prejudices parents may have, if your parents can’t stand the sight of him, it may be for a good reason. Perhaps they (rightfully) think you can do better.
  10. You’re disgusted by his friends’ behavior. You can always judge a man by the company he keeps. If you think his friends are pigs, he’s probably a closet pig too and you’re way out of his league.
  11. If you’re honest with yourself, you view him as lesser than you. When this happens, you know deep down that you can do better. Why are you settling? There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’re out of his league and that you need more. Of course, make sure this is coming from a place of legitimate concern rather than you being judgmental and self-absorbed.
  12. He’s cheated on you. When it comes to morals, you’re way out of his league if he cheated on you. Let him stay with the side piece; they deserve each other’s bad karma.
  13. You occasionally cringe at his manners or fashion. This is very similar to the first point on this list. A guy who is your equal won’t need to be reminded of basic manners, nor will you have to spend time coaching him on what he should wear to a career fair. This isn’t about criticizing his personal style but more about him taking pride in how he presents himself.
  14. You have way more friends than he does. This can be a sign that your lover doesn’t have a very friendship-prone personality, or it could be a sign that he just doesn’t get people. Unless he’s a loner by choice, this may be a sign that you’re out of his league.
  15. You get the feeling that he’s using you for status or money. This is a clear sign that you can do better, and no one should tolerate that vibe from anyone. You know you’re ambitious and successful, but you deserve someone who’s on that same level.

How to avoid wasting time with men who aren’t worthy of you

In a perfect world, you’d only ever date guys who were on the same page as you. Sadly, life and the search for love doesn’t really work like that. However, there are some things you can do to decrease your chances of wasting your time.

  1. Do some early screening. If you meet on a dating app, for instance, you can feel him out for signs that you’re out of his league before you even meet up in person. Doing a few Google searches, asking some probing questions, and using your good judgment can go a long way in helping you weed out guys who are in no position to offer you what you want or need.
  2. Make your standards and expectations clear from the beginning. When you start dating a guy, be upfront about what it is you’re looking for, what you want, and what you won’t put up with. You don’t need to do this in an overbearing or scary way, nor do you need to sit him down and list off your deal-breakers one by one. However, you should be able to express clearly what your boundaries are from day one. If he’s not on board, neither are you because you’re clearly out of his league.
  3. Call out any bad behavior. When you do notice that this guy is doing something you really don’t like or that is outright wrong, be it talking down to you, flirting with other women in front of you, or not being consistent, don’t just sit on it. Call him out on it and let him know why you don’t like this behavior and that you don’t think it’s acceptable. If he values being a good person and getting to know you better, he’ll address it. Otherwise, you’re clearly out of his league.
  4. Be on the lookout for red flags. You might really like him, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore any major red flags. Noticing them early on is vital if you don’t want to waste your time with a loser who is not cut out for a relationship with you. Don’t let your attraction to him mask you from the truth.
  5. Cut your losses and walk away when you notice them. If you’ve recognized the signs that you’re out of his league and he’s just not on the same level as you, don’t delay in putting an end to things. It could very well be that the two of you are just on entirely different pages and you’re not meant for each other. You don’t need to tell him you’re out of his league, just say that it’s not going to work out. That should be enough.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.