Recovering from narcissistic abuse is no walk in the park, but it’s absolutely possible.
It will take time and a lot of hard work (likely with a professional), but you don’t have to let this destroy you. Here are 15 steps to help you reclaim your life and find your footing again.
1. Acknowledge what happened to you.
First things first: recognize that what you experienced was abuse. It’s not your fault, and you’re not crazy. Narcissistic abuse is real and can be incredibly damaging. Give yourself permission to call it what it is. This isn’t about playing the victim; it’s about facing the truth so you can start healing.
2. Go no contact (or low contact if you must).
If you can, cut ties completely with the narcissist. Block their number, unfriend them on social media, the whole nine yards. If you have kids together or work in the same place, aim for as little contact as possible. This isn’t about being petty; it’s about giving yourself space to heal without their influence.
3. Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse.
Knowledge is power, folks. Learn about narcissistic personality disorder, gaslighting, and manipulation tactics, Choosing Therapy advises. The more you understand what happened to you, the better equipped you’ll be to process it and avoid similar situations in the future. Just be careful not to fall down an internet rabbit hole – balance is key.
4. Find a support system.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or join a support group for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Having people who get what you’re going through can be incredibly comforting and validating. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
5. Start a journal.
Get those thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper (or screen). Journaling can help you process your experiences, track your progress, and spot patterns in your thoughts and behaviors. Plus, it’s a great way to remind yourself how far you’ve come when you’re having a tough day.
6. Practice self-care like it’s your job.
Seriously, make it a priority. This isn’t just about bubble baths (though those are great too). It’s about eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and doing things that make you feel good. Your well-being matters, and taking care of yourself is a radical act of self-love after being in a relationship where your needs were likely ignored.
7. Reconnect with your own interests and passions.
Remember those hobbies you used to love before the narcissist came along? It’s time to dust them off. Or try something completely new. The point is to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship. What makes you tick? What brings you joy? Go explore!
8. Set boundaries and stick to them.
This might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re not used to it. Start small if you need to. Learn to say no without feeling guilty. Remember, boundaries aren’t selfish – they’re necessary for healthy relationships and your own well-being.
9. Challenge negative self-talk.
That critical voice in your head? It’s probably echoing things the narcissist said to you. Time to change the record. When you catch yourself thinking something negative, pause and ask if it’s really true. Would you say that to a friend? Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone you love.
10. Consider therapy or counseling.
A good therapist can be a game-changer in your recovery. They can help you process your experiences, develop coping strategies, and work through any trauma. Look for someone who has experience with narcissistic abuse if possible. Remember, it might take a few tries to find the right fit, and that’s okay.
11. Focus on the present.
It’s easy to get caught up in replaying the past or worrying about the future. Try to ground yourself in the here and now. Mindfulness practices can be really helpful for this. Even something as simple as focusing on your breath for a few minutes can bring you back to the present moment.
12. Rebuild your self-esteem.
Narcissistic abuse can do a number on your self-worth, Verywell Mind notes. Start by recognizing your strengths and achievements, no matter how small they might seem. Set achievable goals for yourself and celebrate when you reach them. Surround yourself with positive people who appreciate you for who you are.
13. Learn to trust your instincts again.
Narcissists are experts at making you doubt yourself. Start tuning back into your gut feelings. If something feels off, pay attention to that. Trust that you know what’s best for you. It might take some practice, but your intuition is a powerful tool.
14. Practice forgiveness (but not for the narcissist’s sake).
This one’s tricky. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing what happened or letting the person back into your life. It’s about releasing the hold that anger and resentment have on you. You’re forgiving for your own peace of mind, not for them.
15. Embrace the journey of self-discovery.
Rebuilding your life is an opportunity to create something even better than before. Who do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to live? You get to decide. It’s okay if you’re not sure yet – exploring and figuring it out is part of the journey.
