If you grew up in a super strict household with authoritarian parents, it probably did a number on you. You were likely scared of your parents, and their rigid parenting style made you toe the line. This has left a lasting impact and triggered you to adopt certain behaviors that may not be serving you now that you’re free (and a grown-up). If you recognize any of these traits, you were definitely raised in a strict environment, but that doesn’t have to define the way you live your life now.
1. You Follow Every Rule Blindly
Rules were strictly enforced in your home and were not to be questioned. As a result, you haven’t shaken off the need to fall into line and will never flaunt or break the rules. If you grew up in a strict, conservative environment, you are now going through life as a dutiful soldier. As a result, you may struggle to adapt to situations where flexibility is required, and the idea of freedom can feel uncomfortable.
2. You’re a Diehard Perfectionist
If you’re someone who strives for order and perfectionism at work, at home, and in your relationships, your strict upbringing could be fueling this. Rigid parents didn’t just enforce rules; they had high standards, making their children believe anything less than perfect is unacceptable. This drive for perfection (which, BTW, does not exist) can manifest as meticulousness, an inability to tolerate mistakes, and a deep-seated fear of failure or feeling like you’ll never be good enough.
3. You Struggle to Delegate
Struggling to delegate or ask for help often indicates that you were raised with an overemphasis on self-reliance and control. Strict parents teach their children that they need to stand on their own two feet and that no one will do anything for them. This need to remain in control and not trust anyone to help can stem from a belief that others won’t be there for you or that you are weak if you ask for support.
4. You Fear Spontaneity
Your parents put a high emphasis and value on discipline, structure, stability, and routine. Things were not just strict; they were predictable. Children raised by strict parents often grow up craving routine and predictability as they fear chaos and thrive on order. This fear reflects a desire to avoid uncertainty and potential mistakes, but it robs you of the joy that can come from being spontaneous and living a little.
5. You’re Next-Level Risk-Adverse
If you identify as excessively cautious or risk-averse, it’s because you grew up being told that people who bend the rules or flaunt rules are unstable or not trustworthy. Your strict parents discouraged experimentation and risk-taking, and as a result, you have stayed permanently in the comfortable lane. This cautiousness extends to every aspect of your life, so you are unlikely to take a risk in your career, book a trip on a whim, or date someone who seems in any way exciting or rebellious.
6. You Struggle Showing Emotion
Having difficulty expressing emotions and a tendency to bottle up your feelings is a sign you had a strict upbringing where emotions were foreign concepts. Rigid parents always maintain their control and composure and never show vulnerability. This left a lasting impression that you must never reveal how you’re feeling, so you push your feelings and emotions down, which can make you emotionally unavailable, and you probably struggle with intimacy.
7. You’re Your Own Worst Critic
Love, affection, and praise didn’t flow readily in your home; you were more likely to be criticized and made to feel you didn’t measure up. This has made you a harsh self-critic —your parent’s voice is the only one you hear in your head. They were no doubt cold and unaffectionate, demanded perfection, and never celebrated or gushed over your achievements.
8. You Can’t Accept Constructive Criticism
If you react defensively or anxiously to feedback, even when it’s constructive, you were raised in an environment where being on the end of harsh criticism was the norm. Rigid parents have an unforgiving response to mistakes, making it difficult for children to process constructive criticism as anything other than personal attacks.
9. You’re an Overachiever (to a Fault)
Constantly seeking validation through your achievements reflects that your strict upbringing valued success above all else. Rigid parents link their approval to accomplishments, making their children feel their worth is tied to their performance. This need for external validation drives a relentless pursuit of success, and you set the bar high.
10. You Thrive on Structure and Routine
A strong need for structure, routine, and order can signify a strict upbringing. Children raised by rigid parents learn early to manage their environment meticulously to meet their parents’ expectations. This need for order stays with you through adulthood, ironically making you rigid, inflexible, and unable to handle when life throws you a curveball.
11. You Don’t Know How to Relax
Your home was anything but a relaxing environment. So, if you find it hard to unwind or take time off without feeling guilty, it indicates you were raised in an environment that prioritized productivity over leisure. Strict parents emphasize hard work and discipline and don’t accept laziness, so you are always on the go, neglect self-care, and don’t understand the need for downtime.
12. You’re a Dutiful Solider
If you have a strong sense of duty, you grew up feeling responsible for everything and everyone. Children raised in strict environments feel compelled to care for others, and often, people please to their detriment. You were taught to prioritize chores and family obligations and please your parents without a second thought for your own needs.
13. You Run from Conflict
If you avoid conflict like the plague, it could be down to your strict upbringing, where dissent was not tolerated. Strict parents enforce compliance, leading children to develop a fear of confrontation and a tendency to suppress their own needs and opinions. You didn’t learn that healthy conflict resolution is an important skill, that’s for sure.
14. You Have Difficulty Being Assertive
If you grew up in a home where you toed the line or faced stiff consequences, you can have trouble setting boundaries or asserting yourself when you need to. You consider standing up for yourself out of order, so you remain obedient and will do anything to keep the peace. This struggle results from internalizing a belief that your thoughts, opinions, and needs don’t matter.
15. You Have No Idea How to Go with the Flow
A reluctance to try new things or embrace change is a sign that structure, routine, and monotony was the mantra in your home. Your strict parents succeed in their mission of instilling a fear of the unknown that has stayed with you. This avoidance means you are unlikely to step out of your comfort zone, have difficulty with change and life transitions, and don’t understand what it means to relinquish control and go with the flow.
