15 Tactics Narcissists Use to Shut You Down When You Call Them Out

15 Tactics Narcissists Use to Shut You Down When You Call Them Out

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, especially when they’re being held accountable for their behavior. The moment you call them out, they shift straight into defense mode and start using every tactic in the book to dodge responsibility and make you second-guess yourself. Here are 15 classic moves narcissists use to shut you down when you try to confront them.

1. Gaslighting You Into Doubt

One of the most common tactics a narcissist loves to use is gaslighting. They’ll make you question your reality and spin the situation in such a way that you end up wondering if you’re the problem after all. They’ll say things like, “You’re remembering it wrong” or “That never happened.” The goal is to get you to doubt your perception so much that you back down and let it go.

2. Playing the Victim

Angry young couple sulking on each other during quarrel at home

When they get confronted, narcissists are quick to turn the tables and play the victim. Suddenly, they’re not the ones who did something wrong—you are. They’ll say things like, “I can’t believe you’d say that to me” or “You’re hurting me by bringing this up.” They change up the narrative in the hope that it deflects the blame and makes you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

3. Deflecting With Counterattacks

woman shouting at boyfriend

Rather than address the issue head on, narcissists often respond by attacking you because it’s easier. They’ll bring up past mistakes you’ve made or accuse you of being too sensitive or overreacting. They don’t care about solving the problem; all they care about is shifting the focus away from their behavior and putting you on the defensive so they don’t have to explain themselves.

4. Minimizing Your Concerns

Narcissists are pros at making you feel like your concerns are no big deal. They’ll say things like, “You’re blowing this out of proportion” or “It wasn’t that serious.” They’re intent on downplaying the issue so that they can make you feel silly for even bringing it up, which makes it easier for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

5. Stonewalling to Shut You Out

Sometimes, a narcissist will simply refuse to engage at all. They’ll give you the silent treatment or walk away mid-conversation to make it clear they’re done talking about the issue. Stonewalling is a childish tactic that just leaves you feeling frustrated and powerless because there’s no way to resolve the conflict if they won’t even participate.

6. Shifting the Blame

Narcissists hate being wrong, so they’ll do whatever it takes to shift the blame onto you somehow. They might say, “I only acted that way because you made me” or “If you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have reacted like that.” Their goal is to make you feel responsible for their bad behavior so they don’t have to take accountability.

7. Bringing Up Irrelevant Issues

Another tactic is to derail the conversation by bringing up other issues to fight over instead. You might be talking about one specific thing they did, but suddenly they’re talking about something you did six months ago. This tactic is designed to confuse you, throw you off track, and prevent you from staying focused on the real issue at hand.

8. Acting Like the “Bigger Person”

A narcissist might shut you down by acting like they’re above the argument. They’ll say things like, “I’m not going to argue with you” or “I don’t have time for this drama.” By pretending to take the high road, they get to avoid addressing your concerns and make it seem like you’re the one being unreasonable.

9. Forcing You to Apologize

Narcissists have a way of twisting the conversation so well that by the end of the fight, you’re the one who ends up apologizing. They’ll make you feel like you overreacted or misunderstood the situation, and before you know it, you’re saying sorry while they walk away guilt-free. It’s a clever way of avoiding responsibility while also gaining sympathy.

10. Using Charm to Distract You

If they sense that you’re getting too close to the truth, a narcissist might switch tactics entirely and try to charm their way out of the situation. They’ll flatter you, crack jokes, or suddenly become incredibly sweet, all to distract you from the issue. It’s hard to stay mad when they’re being so nice, which is exactly what they’re counting on.

11. Denying They Did Anything Wrong

A classic narcissist move is to deny, deny, deny. No matter how obvious the issue is, they’ll act like they have no idea what you’re talking about. “I never said that” or “That’s not what happened” are common phrases. They want to frustrate you into giving up because it feels impossible to argue with someone who refuses to acknowledge reality.

12. Using Your Emotions Against You

If you get upset, they’ll start using your emotional reaction against you, saying things like, “See, this is why I don’t want to talk to you” or “You’re being irrational.” They’ll frame your perfectly valid emotional response as over-the-top, which turns the attention away from their actions and toward how you’re reacting, making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.

13. Playing Dumb

Sometimes, narcissists will act like they don’t understand what you’re talking about. They’ll pretend to be confused, asking questions like, “Wait, what do you mean?” or “I don’t get why this is such a big deal.” By playing dumb, they get to avoid having to explain themselves and make you feel like you’re overreacting or not explaining yourself clearly.

14. Pushing Your Buttons to Get a Reaction

When all else fails, a narcissist will start to provoke you to the point where you explode. They’ll say something intentionally hurtful or disrespectful because they know exactly what will set you off. Then, once you react, they’ll accuse you of being unstable or dramatic. It’s a snarky tactic to make you look like the problem while they sit back and act like the calm, rational one.

15. Promising to Change—But Never Following Through

Man and woman breaking up on bench in park, conflict in relationship, problem

Narcissists are great at making huge promises they have no intention of keeping. When they sense they’re losing control of the conversation, they’ll say things like, “You’re right, I’ll work on that” or “I’ll change, I swear.” But the moment the conversation is over, nothing actually changes. It’s just another tactic to shut you down and end the argument on their terms.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.