If you’ve ever been single (and haven’t we all?), you know people tend to look at you as if you have some kind of plague they don’t want to catch. The only way they know how to deal is to find out why. How are you possibly surviving without a significant other by your side? Granted, they probably don’t mean it in a “what’s wrong with you that you’re still pathetically single?” kind of way, but the question still has a slightly condescending vibe to it nonetheless. While it can be satisfying to just smirk and ignore the question completely, sometimes you need a comeback that will guarantee they never ask anyone this ridiculous question again.
- “I’m currently on a dating hiatus.” There’s only so much fruitless effort one can put into something before they decide to pack it in and embrace the single life.
- “I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no one worthy of me.” I’m smart, funny, spectacular in bed, and I love to cook. I’m not going to waste all this on someone who doesn’t deserve it.
- “I think they real questions is, why aren’t you single?” Yes, I’m flipping the script and questioning your decision to be in a relationship. Who decided being single was wrong and being attached was right?
- “I can’t have sex with whoever I want if I’m in a relationship, now can I?” Well I mean, I could, but I’d really like to try the monogamous relationship thing next time. Why are you laughing?
- Just burst into tears and wail, “I don’t knooooow!” Can you set me up with literally every guy you know? I need to get some more irons in the fire or I’ll probably end up alone forever, right?
- “I need to get through the next season of Grey’s Anatomy before I can even consider making time for a guy in my schedule.” Not to mention every single episode of every Real Housewives franchise.
- “I have no interest in dating any of the frat bros that always seem to be attracted to me.” Just because guys are interested in me, doesn’t mean I’m interested in them. I’m not going to settle just so I don’t have to be single.
- “I’m saving myself for Ryan Gosling.” I mean, who wouldn’t?
- “I’m in a relationship with my vibrator right now.” It’s kind of serious.
- “I’m still catching up on all the sleep I lost during my last relationship.” I think after the torture of a boyfriend who snored like a freight train, insisted on strangle cuddling me all night long, and hogged all the covers, I deserve to sleep spread eagle for a little while without judgement.
- “My cats take up most of my ‘social’ time.” They don’t like it when I go out on the weekends, and they really don’t like it when I have visitors. Gotta keep my babies happy.
- “I can barely commit to what I’m eating for dinner, let alone a relationship.” I figure it’s better to just spare everyone my commitment issues for the time being.
- “I’m single by choice, dammit.” This might be the most shocking reason of all.
- “We’re born alone, and we’ll die alone.” Why fight it?
- “I have no interest in conforming to the expectations of an outdated patriarchal society that people like you insist on trying to force on me. I’m perfectly capable of being on my own and having all the things a woman in a relationship has. If I find someone I want to date, I’ll date them. But for now, I’m happy never having to compromise, not having in-laws, and getting to do whatever I want, whenever the hell I want.” Does that answer your question?
