15 Things To Do If You Think Your Partner’s Cheating That Don’t Involve Snooping

Snooping on your partner is never the answer. It just makes you feel guilty while simultaneously making it really hard to confront a cheater because you have to admit you hacked into his Facebook or read his texts. If you suspect your partner of cheating, here’s what you should do.

  1. Ask him! If you’re so worried that he’s cheating, why not just ask him? It’s probably the least stressful option. Even if he says no, you might see that how he’s handling the conversation is pretty shady. Confronting him if you suspect him of cheating is also a must if you’re the type of person who’d want to work on the relationship after an affair.
  2. Keep your eyes glued for signs. Pay more attention to things he does as this could point to cheating. For instance, if he’s suddenly guarding his phone with his life even though he never used to or if he’s changed drastically in the last few weeks, altering his appearance, fashion choices, and even opinions. Don’t look for just one sign—if he’s cheating, there’ll be many!
  3. Rely on your gut. Your relationship might be in a great place but you just can’t shake the feeling that your boyfriend’s up to something! Listen to the feeling, especially if you can’t seem to ignore it. It’s there for a reason.
  4. Show him the evidence. If you do choose to confront your boyfriend, show him real evidence you have from checking his behavior or things he’s said which confirm your suspicions. This will help to show him you’re not being paranoid and it’s easier than snooping, which just makes you feel like a horrible person.
  5. Figure out your feelings. Before you go off on a tangent, think about why you feel suspicious of your boyfriend. Is he doing something shady that makes you worry he’s cheating or are you coming from a place of insecurity and jealousy issues? Work through your thoughts before you jump to conclusions.
  6. Look after yourself. It’s easy to let the stress of your boyfriend’s cheating get to you and harm your health. You might end up losing sleep, not eating correctly, worrying obsessively, and so on. It’s not worth it! You should also look after yourself when it comes to the relationship. If you suspect your boyfriend of cheating, don’t have sex with him so that you prevent STIs until you know for sure that he’s committed. It’s better to pause the relationship in some way rather than hurt yourself either emotionally or physically.
  7. Keep a record. It helps to keep a list of everything shady your boyfriend does so you can look at the points objectively and see if they really point to bad behavior. This also helps you to separate your fears from the reality of the situation.
  8. Test him. If you don’t feel ready to confront your boyfriend, test him to see how committed he is to your relationship. Invite him to a future holiday or suggest going out with him and his mates when he tells you that’s where he’s going. If he seems anxious or put out by the suggestions, he could be hiding something.
  9. Avoid the other woman. If you have an idea of who the other woman could be, resist the temptation to reach out to her and put her in her place. This will just make you seem crazy. Besides, your boyfriend’s the one who promised to be loyal to you. He’s the one you should be angry AF with.
  10. Set boundaries. You need to guard your emotions. If you think your boyfriend’s cheating on you, stop being so readily available to him. A bit of emotional distance is a must to look after yourself and gain some perspective on the situation.
  11. Play it cool. It’s hard not to let the stress and anger get the better of you but you have to try to stay calm and rational. If you become too worked up, you might start seeing “evidence” of his cheating that isn’t even there. Instead, feel him out with a cool head to get the facts you need to make the best decision.
  12. Take a relationship timeoutIf you’re not sure what to make of the situation or even relationship as a whole, tell your boyfriend you need some time away from him. Perhaps you could go on a solo trip somewhere for a week or two. This really helps you to see the relationship from a distance, and if it’s worth fighting for.
  13. Talk to someone. Chat to a trusted friend about what’s happening. It really helps to get an objective opinion from someone who knows you well and has your best interests at heart but who isn’t shy to tell you what they really think.
  14. Ask yourself an important question. You might want to ask your boyfriend if he’s cheating on you, but if you’ve got all the evidence you need and it reveals him as a cheating bastard, you might not even feel the need to ask him. He’ll probably just deny it anyway!
  15. Dump him. If you don’t want to stay with a guy who’s cheated on you, or who you just don’t trust even if he’s not cheating, you could just break up with him. If your feeling is strong enough and you know you’re not jumping to conclusions or making rash decisions, why stay?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.