As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized one important thing about guys: there are no bad texters, only dudes that don’t think I’m worth a moment of their time. I realize some people aren’t glued to their phones 24/7, but I’m not ridiculous for expecting a text or a call back within a few hours of sending one. I’ve spent enough of my time waiting around for guys to text me back and I’m over it. There are plenty of other things I’d much rather do with my precious time.
- Get lost in Sephora for three hours There’s something so mesmerizing about that big black and white entrance, the endless rows of perfumes, skincare, and eye shadow palettes. Why would I sit staring at my phone when I could get lost in that beautiful, cosmetic jungle for hours at a time? Talk about heaven on earth.
- Wax my legs I’ve never actually done this, but I figure it’ll be less painful than debating my self-worth as I wait around for him to text me back. At least waxing leaves me with baby soft skin.
- Go to the dentist I plan on keeping my teeth around for the long haul, so I need to give them the love and respect they deserve, even if it’s a little uncomfortable. If only guys would extend the same courtesy to me!
- Make out with hot strangers I mean, I just got finished up at the dentist. Who could resist these pearly whites? Maybe my new, glowy smile will even get me a text back from a dude who wants to be with me. There’s a novel idea.
- Balance my checkbook I actually have no idea how to do this and I should probably learn. Is this even necessary anymore? I don’t know, but what I do know is that it’s probably more important than waiting around for a guy to type out a few words and hit “send.”
- Perfect my winged eye liner skills This task is definitely going to take several hours and require my full concentration, so he might as well not even bother texting me back at this point.
- Adopt another cat Let’s be honest, I was going to do this anyway. There’s no shame in my cat lady game, but any excuse to add another to my brood is a good one.
- Clean the hair out of my shower drain Now that I’m finally living on my own, I’ve got to learn how to do adult-y type things like snake the drain. I figure Googling things like this is a way better use of my time than waiting around for a dude to text me.
- Learn another language Maybe I’ll have better luck with the cuties I meet down in Mexico on my summer vacation. Texting en español sounds way sexier than waiting around for a guy anyway.
- Become the next T-Swift I’ve been let down by enough guys that I should be able to write an entire album at this point. If he keeps ignoring me, he’ll be the subject of the next Top 20 breakup song of the year. Maybe I’ll even get rich!
- Binge watch “The Handmaid’s Tale” on repeat Waiting around for a guy to acknowledge me makes me feel rather bitter with the patriarchy, so I think I’ll spend a few days watching a dystopian series about men treating women like absolute garbage to remind myself that my situation isn’t so bad.
- Re-read all the Harry Potter novels You know who never lets me down? Harry freakin’ Potter. He’s always there, tucked away neatly on the bookshelf next to my bed when I need him. Every time I read the books I discover something I missed the previous times. That series really is the gift that keeps on giving.
- Make plans with people who come through Obviously, I’ve been highly sarcastic up until this point on the list, although I really do need to go to the dentist. Why would I waste my time waiting around for a guy to hit me up when I have a whole phone book full of people that would love to take time out of their day to be with me?
- Remind myself just how lucky I am I might not have a guy’s undivided attention, but I have amazing friends, a kickass family, and a very fulfilling life. A guy might think the games he plays are cute, and he might be cocky enough to think I’ll wait around for him, but I’ve got other plans. I love my life the way it is, and it’s a shame he doesn’t want to be a part of it.
- Live my life I won’t put my day on hold for a guy who wouldn’t do the same for me. In the past, I’d put off making plans with my best friends just in case the guy I liked decided to finally acknowledge my presence and make plans with me. Doing this was totally damaging to my friendships and a little bit pathetic. People that put me first in their lives get the same treatment from me. I know I’m awesome for a lot of reasons, and I’m not going to go out of my way to prove to any guy that I’m deserving of his attention.
