15 Things Lazy Girls Want From A Relationship

Lazy girls need love too, you know. We don’t expect much from a relationship — at least, we don’t expect anything too crazy. We just want a boyfriend with these simple traits:

  1. He’s happy to stay inside. We don’t want you to get pissed every time we cancel plans to stay home in our pajamas. We need someone who’s just as happy to lounge around on the couch with us as they are to take us out to bars, because most days, we won’t feel like getting dressed.
  2. He ocasionally pushes us to go out. We’d be perfectly happy to stay inside until we’re old, grey, and unable to move anymore. That’s why we need someone who will push us to actually leave the house. It’s the only way that we’ll go out on fun dates.
  3. He has a comfortable chest. We’re going to use his chest as a pillow, so hopefully he has just enough chub to be comfortable. That way, we’ll be able to rest, even if we’re out in public.
  4. He has clothes that fit us. We don’t actually want to wear our expensive bras and tight shirts. We want to wear his oversized tee-shirts and sweatshirts with his scent.
  5. He loves to snuggle. Cuddling is the best part of a relationship. It improves the napping experience.
  6. He listens to our complaints. If we have to exert even the smallest amount of effort, we’ll act like it’s a huge deal. That’s why we need a boyfriend who will be able to put up with our countless complaints when an elevator is broken and we’re forced to use the stairs.
  7. He agrees to ridiculous requests. We might ask him to get the remote or grab our phone when we’re only a few feet away from it. Why yes, we can be that level of lazy.
  8. He has low expectations about our appearance. Unless it’s a special occasion, we’ll slip into sweatpants and won’t bother to do our makeup. He shouldn’t be upset that we aren’t trying to look perfect for him. He should be happy we’re that comfortable around him.
  9. He enjoys microwavable meals. If he’s expecting us to create a home cooked meal every night, he’s in the wrong relationship. Most of our diet consists of leftovers and microwavable meals.
  10. He doesn’t mind silence. Sometimes, even talking is too much work for us. On certain days, we’ll just want to sit and relax in comfortable silence.
  11. He gets up late and stays up late. If he’s an early bird, we’ll be wasting valuable texting time, because we won’t be up until hours after him, and he’ll be in bed hours before us. Our perfect boyfriend would be a night owl, just like we are.
  12. He takes care of us. If he ever comes over to the house with Taco Bell, we’ll know he’s a keeper. It’s the best gift he could ever bring.
  13. He keeps the house clean. But not too clean. We want him to help us wash the dishes after they pile up, but we don’t want him to yell at us for eating in bed.
  14. He takes charge in the bedroom. Even when we’re in the mood to have sex, we probably won’t be in the mood to climb on top of him. That’s why we want a boyfriend who won’t mind missionary.
  15. He obsesses over Netflix. We spend the majority of our time watching Netflix, even if there aren’t any good shows left to see. That’s why we need someone who will enjoy laughing at one-star movies with us as much as he loves watching major blockbusters.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.