Like most things, there are pros and cons to dating. Sometimes it may seem like a necessary evil on the road to finding love (and it is), but that doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes want to throw your hands up in the air and say, “forget it! I’d rather be single for life.” The planning, the getting your hopes up about a new guy, the being disappointed, the feeling like there are no decent guys left in the world, we’ve all been there. They do say you’ll find the One when you stop looking, so maybe it’s time we just put that little piece of dating wisdom to the test.
Guys who’d rather text forever than make solid plans. What is he waiting for? Does he need a hand written invitation in order to hang out with you in person? Even worse when you take a chance and ask him out, and he still can’t seem to commit to anything.
When you find out he already has a girlfriend. But we had such a connection, what do you mean he’s not single? Why would he flirt with me like that then?!
When your friend meets her soul mate after being on OKCupid for literally 24 hours. How is it that you could scour that site for weeks and barely scrape together a couple dates, and she finds the Chris Pratt in the online dating rough without even having a photo up?!
When he invites you out and then “forgets” his wallet. Look, we have no problem paying for our half, but when it’s clear he had no intention of paying at all, we have to consider sneaking out through the bathroom window, and leaving him to wash dishes to pay off his debt.
When his idea of a date is bringing his entire entourage to meet you at a bar at midnight. A date shouldn’t involve him making sure his wing man has a shot with one of your friends.
When you think it’s going well and he freaks out because you left a spare tampon in his bathroom. Or worse, when he accuses you of leaving it there, but it was actually his roommate’s girlfriend.
The third time you break up with the same person. Somehow it seemed more productive to revive an old relationship than find someone new. You were wrong. Twice. Dating is just too much work.
When you can’t seem to get past the first date, ever. Even when it seems like the first date was fantastic, somehow planning the second date becomes harder than trying to schedule brunch with Beyonce.
The unsolicited penis pic. Once second you were innocently talking about the third season of House of Cards, and the next, there’s a penis on your phone.
Watching your friend go through a bad breakup. If you start dating someone, there’s a pretty good chance that crying mess on the couch eating an entire bag of Smart Food dipped in peanut butter will be you in the foreseeable future.
Coffee dates. Unless you’re going on dates at 9am, caffeine is ill advised. No one wants to put any effort into first dates anymore, meaning you end up drinking way more lattes than you should be, and every date becomes pretty dull and repetitive.
When he looks nothing like his picture. The question is, do you call him on it, or do you force a polite smile, chug that latte, and get out of there asap?
When he leaves you with the bill because you didn’t want to hook up. This guy doesn’t even pretend he forgot his wallet. He just doesn’t come back from the bathroom. So that’s why he chose the corner booth with no view of the door.
Finding out he’s a racist, homophobic, pro-life, misogynistic actual crazy person. It’s official, there are no nice, normal guys left. You can end the search now.
When staying home in your pjs is more appealing than going out. You could go on another date with this guy, or that guy, but why bother? At least your cat doesn’t have uncontrollable gas or make you watch UFC. Once you realize the gloriousness of being single, there isn’t much short of a millionaire who looks like David Beckham that will convince you to go on a date ever again. At least for now.