Have you got a friend who doesn’t have a filter? They always seem to say precisely what’s on their mind and are entirely unaware that they do it. You’ve brought it up once or twice, but they quickly fall back into old habits. Most people have a degree of self-awareness, while some don’t. Here are several things that someone might say if they aren’t aware of how they come across.
1. “I’m really smart.”
If someone talks about how smart they are, it often shows that they aren’t as smart as they think. Perhaps they’re in a situation where they aren’t sure what to do. However, instead of admitting this, they talk about how intelligent they think they are to distract others from their lack of ability. The bottom line? Most smart people don’t spend time talking about their IQ.
2. “I’m really good at that.”
Another sign of someone who doesn’t know how they come across is whether they are quick to claim how good they are at something or whether they can back this up. Not only does this mean that they now have to follow through on their claim, but it also means that they might not be aware of their strengths and weaknesses. If they were aware, they would say, “I’m not sure how good I am at that, but I’ll give it a go.”
3. “I’m not angry, just tired.”
Body language is a big part of communication, and if someone’s body language doesn’t match what they’re saying, this might be a sign they aren’t aware of how they come across. Their facial expressions imply they’re angry, and their body seems tense, yet they claim to be “tired.” Well, what is it?
4. “I would do it differently next time.”
People who have no filter aren’t great at giving constructive criticism. Often, it comes out as an insult or a demeaning statement, even if that’s not their intention. If you ask someone for feedback on something you’ve done, if they were self-aware, they would instead say, “I love how you did that, and can see how much effort you put in. Maybe you could try doing this as well next time?”
5. “I just don’t like him/her.”
Say you’ve just introduced your friend to another friend they’ve never met, and they seemed to get along. However, now that you two are alone again, your friend quickly judges the other. They claim to have immediately decided about your other friend, even though they’ve only spent a few minutes with them. They lack the self-awareness to see that this is too quick and harsh of a judgment, considering they hardly know the person.
6. “I’m usually right.”
How often does your friend use this phrase? Instead of having the self-awareness to lower their pride and admit that sometimes they get it wrong, they find comfort in this self-reassuring phrase. Admitting we are wrong takes vulnerability and humility and can be difficult for those who don’t know how they come across.
7. “I’m just misunderstood.”
For people who don’t know how they come across, it’s easy to chalk someone’s opinion of them up to a misunderstanding. Instead of taking the time to consider why someone might feel negatively towards them and reflecting on their behavior, they claim that it’s because they can’t get people to understand them properly. For example, your friend might have made a rude remark to someone, and when that person complained, instead of apologizing, they insisted that the person didn’t understand what they were trying to say.
8. “I’m never going to change.”
When we grow up, we go through a process of learning our true identities and becoming comfortable with them. However, this doesn’t mean we’re not all works in progress, and we could improve on areas where we fall short. If someone doesn’t know how they come across, they probably believe they’re fine just as they are and have nothing they could improve on. Other people might think they have an issue with their tone, for example, but they insist that it’s just the way they talk and they refuse to change.
9. “I’m just not an emotional person.”
If your friend struggles to show their feelings and has atypical reactions to typically emotional situations, you might worry that something’s wrong with them. However, instead of seeing this as a potential symptom of something unresolved on a deeper level, they insist that they’ve never been one to show their emotions, and they’re okay with it. They’re not worried about how people perceive them, as this is the “normal” they’ve grown accustomed to.
10. “I don’t care about people’s opinions.”
If your friend lacks self-awareness, then there’s a good chance this is one of their favorite catchphrases. They like to fall back on it every time they have something mean or belittling to say about someone else. Instead of considering where they might need to improve and how they could be a nicer person in general, they simply say they aren’t worried about what people think of them.
11. “Nothing ever stresses me out.”
Have you heard this one before? The funny thing is, it is usually said by someone who gets stressed easily. They almost say it to make up for how stressed they get—and it’s generally over little situations that don’t matter. It tells you that they want to be seen as the cool cat who’s always calm and collected, but they come across as the complete opposite.
12. “I’m the only one putting in any effort.”
Perhaps you’re friends with someone at work who sounds like this. Whenever you work on a group project with them, they quickly complain that they’re doing all the work and nobody else is contributing. They want most of the credit, believe their ideas are the best, and are quick to criticize anyone else’s ideas. Sound familiar? They don’t realize this comes across as arrogant and unpleasant.
13. “I can read situations really well.”
Have you ever been told by someone that they know how to “read the room”? Why does it always seem to be the person saying this who can’t seem to pick up on subtle social cues? They are the loudest, most obnoxious person in the room, quick to make judgments and lacking self-awareness, yet they claim to be able to read what others are thinking. They would probably consider changing their approach if they knew what others thought.
14. “People always come to me for advice.”
If your friend believes they’re the advice guru, they’re probably exaggerating. Maybe someone asked their advice on something once a long time ago, and they’ve taken this and run with it. They genuinely believe their advice is the best, and people turn to them for help, even though you can’t remember the last time you asked them for their opinion.
15. “I don’t regret anything I’ve done.”
While this is a nice sentiment, it’s not realistic. We all make mistakes in life, some big and some small, and it’s virtually impossible to go through life without looking back and wishing we could change something or do it differently. If your friend says that they have no regrets, chances are they do—they’re just not willing to acknowledge them.
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