15 Things You Start To Ask Yourself The Longer You’re Single

If you’re single and looking for a long time, it can mess with your mind. You often doubt yourself, or at the very least, you wonder what’s going on. I ought to know—it’s happened to me. If you’ve been on your own for what feels like way too long, you’ve probably wondered the following at least once:

  1. “Seriously? She has a boyfriend and I don’t?!” As much as I hate to say it, it’s totally normal to be shocked by some of the couples out there—especially when it’s clear you’d have more to offer than they do in at least one realm. Though this isn’t a nice thing to think about, it’s totally understandable.
  2. “Why am I even trying anymore?” Every person I’ve ever met has hit the Dating Wall at least once. That wall happens when you’re so burned out that you can’t stand the idea of logging on to Tinder to try to find The One anymore. When you hit that wall, you’ll ask this question—and no one will judge you for it.
  3. “Why don’t guys even try to see what I have to offer?” If you’re like me, a lot of guys won’t give you a chance to be their girlfriend and will refuse to see you as anything more than a hookup, all based on looks alone. It’s infuriating, but really, if they’re not interested, there’s no point in trying to sell them on a relationship with you. The most you can do is be smug about it when they come back and whine about how their new girlfriend sucks.
  4. “Should I lower my standards?” Yes, we all wonder if Internet Nice Guys are right. It usually happens after one too many rejections, one too many bad breakups, or just one too many douchey interactions. The answer is, no, you shouldn’t lower your standards—ever and for anyone.
  5. “When are people going to stop asking me if I’ve met someone?” They don’t ever stop rubbing it in. Ever. If you’re single and say so, you’ll also have that one idiot who feels the need to ask you why you’re still on your own and can’t help but wonder if you’re lonely.
  6. “Are there any decent guys left?” After a while of being single for so long, it almost feels like you’re searching for Sasquatch out in the wild. Though it may feel like you’d be more likely to find Bigfoot than find a decent man, we have to try to believe, otherwise, what’s the point?
  7. “Am I just meant to be alone?” Statistically, there will be a lot of people who won’t find a good partner for them in their lives. However, chances are still very slim that you’ll be one of these people. But yes, we all wonder this from time to time—even if we’re in relationships.
  8. “Should I consider getting a mail-order husband or something?” Okay, maybe this is just something I’ve wondered, but I really do think that there is something really wrong with dating culture in the US. The terrible way men treat women they date or court is pervasive in society—to the point that there are forums filled with examples of it. With the toxic beliefs so many guys hold about women, it’s really hard for me to believe that guys who are immersed in mainstream culture can actually have healthy relationships.
  9. “Are people ever going to stop telling me not to worry and that I’ll find him one day?” If you’re anything like me, you probably hate hearing this. It never sounds comforting, it always sounds condescending, and it’s so insanely cliche. Ugh!
  10. “Is there something wrong with me that makes men walk away?” This could be the case in many situations. Take a look at yourself and be honest for a second. If you were a man, would you be attracted to you? Would you like someone to treat you the way you’d treat a partner? If not, you may need to improve a bit. Even so, there’s often nothing really wrong aside from just not meeting someone who is right for you.
  11. “Was my last ex ‘The One’?” If they were the one you’re supposed to be with, you two probably wouldn’t have split up. Just saying.
  12. “Why do guys come to me to complain about their girlfriends when I would treat them better and I’m single?” I don’t think guys mean this to be the jab it feels like it is. However, nothing quite gets as hurtful and as infuriating as hearing guys saying that they wish they could find a girl like you – just not you.
  13. “Am I really being unreasonable for expecting guys to treat me like a human being?” One of the worst things about the modern dating scene is how regularly guys seem to think that treating women as equals, or even halfway decently, isn’t necessary. At times, you will want to question your sanity for expecting guys to treat you as human.
  14. “What does she have that I don’t?” Ever notice a girl who always seems to be attracting high-quality men? Yes, we all have, and we’ve all wondered what she has that we don’t. It’s part of being single for too long.
  15. “Is it even worth it anymore?” I’m not going to lie. For me, dating and love aren’t really worth it anymore—and it used to be one of my life’s goals. If guys can’t see what they’re passing up, why should we try to sell them on us? It’s their loss more than it is ours.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.