When someone you care about is struggling with self-esteem issues, your words matter more than you might realize. Even well-meaning comments can hit the wrong way, making them feel worse instead of better. If you’re not sure how to offer support without causing harm, here are 15 things you should avoid saying—and what to do instead.
1. “Why Don’t You Just Be More Confident?”
Telling someone to “just be confident” might sound helpful, but it’s anything but. Confidence doesn’t magically appear—it’s built slowly through encouragement and positive experiences. This comment shifts responsibility onto them, as if their struggles are simply due to not trying hard enough. It can leave them feeling like a failure for something outside their control. Instead, focus on recognizing their strengths and acknowledging their progress, no matter how small. Affirmations like, “I see how hard you’re working, and it’s inspiring,” can do wonders to rebuild their confidence.
2. “You’re Too Sensitive About Everything.”
Calling someone “too sensitive” is a fast way to make them feel invalidated and misunderstood. It shifts blame onto them for reacting to something that likely hurt or upset them. Sensitivity isn’t a flaw—it’s part of their personality and how they process the world. Instead of brushing off their emotions, ask questions like, “Can you help me understand how you’re feeling?” Listening with empathy instead of judgment creates a safe space for them to express themselves and feel valued for who they are.
3. “You’re Overthinking This—It’s Not a Big Deal.”
When you tell someone they’re overthinking, you’re essentially dismissing their concerns as irrelevant. For someone struggling with self-esteem, their worries and insecurities often feel monumental, even if they seem small to you. By brushing it off, you risk making them feel ashamed of their emotions. Instead of downplaying the issue, validate their feelings by saying, “I can see this is really bothering you. Let’s talk about it.” Simply knowing you’re willing to listen can make a huge difference in how supported they feel.
4. “You Shouldn’t Feel This Way.”
Saying someone “shouldn’t” feel a certain way invalidates their emotions and adds a layer of guilt on top of their existing struggles. Feelings aren’t something people can turn on or off—they just exist. Telling them their emotions are wrong won’t help; it’ll only make them feel misunderstood. Instead, acknowledge their experience by saying, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. How can I help?” This approach reinforces that their feelings are valid and that you’re there to support them without judgment.
5. “Just Stop Worrying About It.”
This comment oversimplifies the complex nature of self-esteem issues. Telling someone to stop worrying is like asking them to ignore a flashing warning light—it’s impossible. Their concerns stem from deeper emotional wounds that require time and effort to heal. Instead of minimizing their worries, try saying, “I know this is tough for you. Let’s figure out a way to tackle it together.” Showing empathy and offering practical support can help them feel less alone in their struggles and more hopeful about overcoming them.
6. “Everyone Feels Like That Sometimes.”
While this phrase might be meant to normalize their feelings, it often has the opposite effect. It can make them feel like their struggles are being minimized or brushed aside as no big deal. People with self-esteem issues don’t need to hear that their pain is “normal”—they need to feel like their feelings matter. Instead, offer reassurance by saying, “I know this is hard for you, and I’m here if you want to talk about it.” This lets them know their experience is valid and deserving of attention.
7. “You Have Nothing to Be Insecure About.”
On the surface, this might sound like a compliment, but it often misses the mark. Insecurities aren’t logical—they’re deeply rooted in emotions and past experiences. Telling someone they have “nothing” to worry about can make them feel misunderstood or dismissed. Instead, try acknowledging their feelings with, “I can see why you feel that way, but I want you to know I see so much beauty and strength in you.” This approach balances validation with encouragement, helping them feel seen and supported.
8. “You’re Just Looking for Attention.”
Accusing someone of attention-seeking is one of the quickest ways to shut them down. It implies that their struggles aren’t real and reduces their pain to a ploy for sympathy. This kind of remark can deepen their insecurities and make them less likely to open up in the future. Instead, respond with empathy by saying, “I know you’re going through a tough time. How can I help?” This not only validates their feelings but also shows you’re genuinely invested in supporting them.
9. “Just Do Something About It.”
This advice might seem practical, but it oversimplifies the reality of self-esteem struggles. Improving confidence isn’t as easy as flipping a switch—it’s a gradual process that requires support, patience, and sometimes professional help. Instead of pushing them to “fix” themselves, offer encouragement by saying, “I believe in you, and I’m here to help you work through this.” By focusing on their strengths and showing that you’re in their corner, you can help them take meaningful steps forward.
10. “It’s All in Your Head.”
While self-esteem issues might originate in the mind, telling someone “it’s all in your head” dismisses the real impact these struggles have on their life. This phrase can make them feel like their problems aren’t legitimate, even though they’re deeply affecting their mental and emotional well-being. Instead, acknowledge their experience by saying, “I know this feels overwhelming. Let’s talk about what’s going on and how I can support you.” This approach validates their feelings and encourages open communication.
11. “You’re Overreacting.”
Telling someone they’re overreacting invalidates their emotions and can make them feel like they’re being dramatic for no reason. People with self-esteem issues often have heightened sensitivities because of their internal struggles, and minimizing their feelings only makes things worse. Instead of dismissing their reaction, take the time to understand their perspective by saying, “I see this is really affecting you. Let’s talk about it.” This validates their feelings while opening the door for a more supportive and understanding conversation.
12. “You Look Fine.”
While this comment might seem encouraging, it often comes across as superficial. People struggling with self-esteem aren’t just worried about their appearance—they’re battling deep-seated feelings of inadequacy that go far beyond how they look. Saying “you look fine” can make them feel like their concerns are being brushed aside. Instead, focus on something meaningful, like their talents or kindness, by saying, “I really admire how thoughtful and creative you are.” This shifts the focus to qualities that genuinely matter and helps them feel valued.
13. “Why Can’t You Just Be Happy?”
Asking someone why they can’t just be happy oversimplifies their struggles and implies that happiness is something they can switch on at will. For people with self-esteem issues, happiness is often tied to overcoming internal battles that take time and effort to address. Instead, express your support with, “I know it’s hard right now, but I’m here for you every step of the way.” This shows that you understand their journey isn’t easy and that they have your unwavering support.
14. “Stop Being So Negative.”
Telling someone to “stop being so negative” dismisses the complexity of their feelings and places blame on them for struggling. Low self-esteem often brings negative thoughts that aren’t easy to control. This comment can make them feel guilty for their mindset, further reinforcing their insecurities. A more supportive approach would be to say, “I see how much you’re dealing with right now, and I want to help however I can.” This acknowledges their struggles while showing that you’re there to offer constructive support.
15. “That’s Just Life.”
While this phrase is meant to normalize challenges, it can feel dismissive to someone struggling with self-esteem. It implies that their feelings are unimportant or that they should simply accept their struggles as part of life. Instead of minimizing their experience, offer empathy by saying, “I know it’s tough right now, but you’re not alone. Let’s work through this together.” This shows that you recognize their pain and are willing to support them as they navigate their challenges.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
