As a woman who frequently crushes on other girls, I feel like I can speak with some authority about the thoughts you have the first time you get a crush on another woman. My first crush never went anywhere because I never stepped up and said anything, but the exhilaration and terror of it all opened up something inside of me. If you’ve had any of these thoughts, don’t worry — you’re not alone.
Wait a second… is this for real?
You stop in your tracks and do an honest-to-goodness double take. You shake your head as if that might clear out the cobwebs and the sudden desire to taste cherry Chapstick, and then you try to put your thoughts in order. It never fails. The first time you get a crush on another woman, your first instinct is to disprove your feelings. It doesn’t matter if your crush occurs when you’re 15 or 45. The first one is always met with disbelief.
Does this make me a lesbian?
It’s unfortunate that the compulsion to define everything forces you to box in your sexuality. That’s why it’s so hard for some women to come to terms with their first crush on another girl. This question pops up immediately, and it’s almost impossible to answer that early on in your explorations. The answer is maybe. Maybe it makes you a lesbian. Maybe it makes you bisexual or bi-curious. Maybe you’re just into this one girl.
Is she into girls?
You have no way of knowing, but you can’t help wondering. Could she like you back? Is she curious? Do you have a shot? For the record, never assume anything about another person’s sexuality, especially if you base your assumption on clothing, gestures, or appearance.
I bet her skin is so soft.
Something, some small detail or gorgeous feature, catches your eye. For me, it was my first girl crush’s skin. I remember that it was flawless with cinnamon freckles sprinkled over her cheeks. I remember wishing that I could stroke my fingers down the side of her neck and fantasizing that it would feel like velvet.
I wonder what her hair smells like.
Women are so alike, but we’re all different, as well. You look at your first woman crush and see all the things she has in common with you, but they seem brand new on her. Everything about her captivates you, including the scent of her hair.
Every curve of her body is a masterpiece.
Your first crush on a woman is significantly different from a crush on a man. You notice different things, such as her hair and skin. More than that, your first thoughts about her are probably taken up by many typically feminine features. The swell of her breasts, the flare of her hips, the way her shoulder curves so gracefully into her neck – these are the things that knock you off your feet.
Will kissing her feel like kissing a guy?
Comparisons come naturally. When you’ve been exclusively with men, that’s your yardstick. As you stare starry-eyed at the first woman who inspires Feelings – with a capital F – in you, it’s normal to wonder if kissing her feels the same as kissing a man. You wonder how she tastes, if she’s gentle, if her lips are soft.
There’s no way this is a real crush.
Doubt always sneaks in again. Stupid doubt. You almost convince yourself that you’re not feeling what you think you’re feeling. You make excuses for your emotions, trying to explain away the truth. If you’re very lucky, this doubt won’t linger. The allure of your girl crush is far too powerful.
Why am I staring at her boobs?
Why are you staring at her breasts? Is it because you like them? I bet it’s because you like them. No shame, boo – tits are the tits. Of course, the real point here is that at some point during your first crush on a woman, you will find yourself staring at some part of her anatomy, whatever part tends to arouse you the most. You just can’t stop yourself.
She makes me want to vomit butterflies.
It takes a minute to recognize that fluttery feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your racing heart doesn’t automatically announce its reason for racing. Eventually, however, you do realize that this beautiful girl is the reason you feel like you’re about to throw up a bunch of butterflies still fluttering their gossamer wings.
Should I let her know?
At this point, you might actually upchuck. The nerves do it. Any time you develop a crush, one of your first thoughts is to tell the object of your affection. In this case, it’s a bit trickier, particularly if you don’t know where her head’s at or how she feels.
But I’ve never been into girls before.
Yeah, so, there’s a lot of doubt in this process. Because you’ve never crushed on a girl before, you’re hesitant to trust your instincts. Trust them, sweetheart. It doesn’t matter that you’ve never been into girls before. You’re into this one.
Except that one time…
Besides, once you start thinking about it, you’re likely to realize that this isn’t your first dip in the lady pond. Maybe your junior high BFF made you a bit squirmy. Perhaps you get all slippery in the knickers every time you see Zendaya on screen.
This thought is such a blessing. It lifts a heavy weight from your shoulders and quiets your mind. Seriously, f*ck labels. Who cares if you’re crushing on a woman? Women are goddesses.
I’m gonna go for it.
The worst she can say is no, right? There’s this surge of excitement once you decide to ditch the labels and follow your feelings. You recognize that it doesn’t matter what you call yourself because it doesn’t change anything. You’re vibing on this girl, that’s the only thing that matters.
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