15 Topics to Steer Clear Of If Your Relationship with Your Adult Children is Strained

15 Topics to Steer Clear Of If Your Relationship with Your Adult Children is Strained

Look, navigating relationships with adult children can feel like walking a tightrope. If things are already strained, the wrong comment can turn an awkward silence into a full-blown rift. While some topics might feel harmless to you, they can hit a nerve without warning. To keep things peaceful (and productive), here are 15 sensitive areas to avoid bringing up if you’re hoping to rebuild trust and connection with your grown kids.

1. “When Are You Going to Settle Down?”

Even if it’s coming from a place of love, asking about their relationship status can feel like added pressure that they didn’t ask for. Your adult child doesn’t need a reminder that they’re single or not “on track” with societal timelines. It’s a deeply personal topic, and pushing it can feel like judgment. Instead, focus on their passions and accomplishments—it’ll go a lot further in strengthening your bond.

2. “You’d Be Happier If You Did Things My Way”

Nothing makes an adult child shut down faster than getting a whole load of unsolicited advice, especially if it sounds like a critique of their choices. Whether it’s about their career, relationships, or life path, avoid the temptation to suggest they’re doing it wrong. They need your support, not your blueprint for happiness. Trust that they’re figuring it out, even if it looks different from what you imagined.

3. “Why Don’t You Call Me More?”

Guilt trips about communication are a fast track to bein cut off entirely. While you might be craving more connection, framing it as something they’re doing wrong only widens the gap that already exists between the two of you. Instead, try expressing how much you enjoy hearing from them without making it a point of contention. Positive reinforcement works better than guilt every time.

4. “Your Parenting Style Seems Off”

If your adult child is a parent, critiquing their approach is a no-go. Whether it’s about discipline, diet, or screen time, stepping in with opinions can feel like a personal attack. Unless they specifically ask for advice, keep your thoughts to yourself. Respect their autonomy as parents the same way you’d want yours respected.

5. “How Much Are You Making?”

Money talk can get awkward fast, especially if it comes across as prying. Questions about their salary, spending habits, or financial plans can feel invasive and judgmental. Unless they bring it up first, avoid the subject altogether. Your relationship shouldn’t hinge on their paycheck or how they manage it.

6. “You’re Spending Too Much Time on That Hobby”

If they’ve found something they love—whether it’s gaming, gardening, or some niche craft—don’t diminish it by calling it a waste of time. What might seem trivial to you could be their way of decompressing or expressing themselves. Let them have the things that make them happy without turning it into a debate over priorities.

7. “Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Sibling?”

Comparisons, even well-intentioned ones, are total relationship killers. Highlighting how one sibling excels at something only makes the other feel inadequate. Your adult children are individuals with their own paths. Celebrating their unique strengths goes a lot further than pointing out what they lack compared to their brother or sister.

8. “When Are You Going to Have Kids?”

Elderly mother comforts her adult daughter after her quarrel with her husband

Asking about grandkids might seem innocent, but it can open up a can of worms. Whether they’re not ready, unable, or just not interested in having children, it’s a deeply personal topic that they don’t owe you a conversation on. Pressuring them for answers can strain your relationship. Let them navigate that decision on their own timeline, without added stress from you.

9. “Why Don’t You Ever Visit?”

boyfriend's mother looking angry

If you’re feeling neglected, framing it as an accusation only pushes them further away. Adult kids often have packed schedules, and what feels like distance to you might not be intentional. Instead of guilt-tripping, try inviting them over with enthusiasm and understanding. Creating a welcoming vibe is more likely to get results than pointing fingers.

10. “That’s Not How I Would Handle It”

Senior,Asian,Mother,And,Adult,Son,Sitting,On,Couch,In

Whether it’s about their career, relationship, or a home project, avoid critiquing their choices just because they’re different from yours. “That’s not how I’d do it” can sound cruel and dismissive, even if you mean well. Let them figure things out their way—it’s how they learn and grow. Your role isn’t to manage their life, it’s to support them in managing their own.

11. “You Shouldn’t Be Eating That”

Comments about food choices, weight, or eating habits are a recipe for hurt feelings no matter who you’re talking to, but particularly when it’s your child. Even if you’re coming from a place of concern, it can feel like judgment or body shaming. Unless their health is in immediate danger and they’ve asked for advice, keep your thoughts on their plate to yourself.

12. “Are You Sure That’s a Good Idea?”

Sometimes, adult children just need support, not skepticism. Questioning their decisions can feel like a lack of faith in their judgment, even if you’re just trying to help. Instead of casting doubt, try asking how you can support them. Encouragement builds trust; doubt erodes it. They’ll figure out the details, just like you did.

13. “You Seem Too Sensitive”

Dismissing their feelings as oversensitivity is a fast way to shut down communication. Even if you think they’re overreacting, acknowledging their perspective goes a lot further than invalidating it. Empathy is the bridge to better understanding, and it shows that you care about how they feel, even if you don’t fully get it.

14. “Your House Could Use Some Work”

Commenting on the state of their home—whether it’s cluttered, outdated, or not to your taste—is a quick way to put them on the defensive. They’re likely doing their best with the time and resources they have. Unless they ask for your opinion, keep the remarks about their living space positive and supportive unless you want to end up on their “do not contact” list.

15. “You Never Do Anything Right”

Whether it’s said outright or implied through constant critique, this kind of comment is devastating to your relationship. No one wants to feel like they can’t measure up, least of all your children. Shift the focus to what they’re doing well and how much you appreciate their efforts. Positive reinforcement builds bridges, negativity burns them.

This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.