15 Upsetting Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Understand You Even If They Love You

15 Upsetting Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Understand You Even If They Love You

Your partner loves you and wants to have a future with you, but they might not really “get” what you’re really all about. This can cause a serious rift in your relationship and make you question whether you’re really all that compatible in the first place. Here are 15 upsetting signs that your partner doesn’t understand you and you might need to call it a day.

1. They laugh when you’re sad.

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When you express to your partner that you’re feeling down or you had a bad day, they don’t listen to what you have to say. Instead, they might laugh or make jokes as though what’s on your mind doesn’t matter. They clearly don’t take you seriously or else they’d realize it’s not a laughing matter.

2. They don’t notice when you’ve been crying.

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They’re so out of tune with what you’re feeling that they might not even notice when your eyes are red because you’ve been crying! They can’t seem to read your emotional cues or body language, either. You’re left feeling alone and uncared for as a result.

3. They call you “dramatic.”

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When you react to something that makes you angry or sad, the person might call you “dramatic” or tell you to calm down. They just don’t understand where you’re coming from, which makes you feel like they don’t have your back. Sure, maybe you are being dramatic, but telling you that doesn’t do anything but invalidate your feelings and make you feel worse.

4. They ask you a ton of questions about everything.

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While it’s great for your partner to show an interest in what you have to say, if they’re always asking you “why?” when you express a feeling or thought, it can make you feel like they’re trying to pick apart your life rather than legitimately gain a greater understanding of who you are and what you’re going through. Are you speaking the same language here?

5. They don’t make you want to turn to them when you need help.

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When you need advice, you might want to reach out to your besties instead of your partner. This is because your partner’s response always makes you feel like you can’t be open and vulnerable around them, which is sad. Maybe you’re afraid they’ll be confused or might judge you, neither of which are ideal.

6. They change the subject often.

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Do you find that whenever you try to talk to your partner, they’re quick to change the subject to something they’d prefer to chat about? It’s so insulting! They’re always writing you off and dismissing the things that are important to you. Sometimes you wonder why you bother talking to them at all.

7. They don’t laugh at your jokes.

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Sharing the same sense of humor is so important in a relationship because it’s a level of emotional intimacy that brings you closer. However, around your partner, you feel like your jokes never land. They might even look at you like you’re crazy when you share a funny insight. What the heck?

8. They mock what you like.

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You mention you love walking on the beach or reading sci-fi novels, and your partner makes a joke about how cheesy that is. You feel like you can’t do what you love around them, which is upsetting. It also highlights your differences and proves that you’re really not on the same page. You’re not even in the same book!

9. They plan romantic outings you don’t like. 

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Sometimes, it feels like your partner doesn’t really know what you like because they’ll plan dates that they enjoy but which make you feel “meh.” While they think hanging out at a rowdy bar is a “romantic night out,” you could be feeling disappointed because you never actually get what you want out of the relationship.

10. They zone out when you’re happy. 

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Whenever you try to talk about your partner about your exciting new hobby or passion, you can see that they’re zoning out or completely distracted. Maybe they yawn (how rude!) or their eyes look blank. You might wonder whether they even care about what you have to say, or if you just don’t have the same likes and tastes.

11. They’re easily annoyed by you. 

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It seems like your partner gets easily irritated around you, but around their friends, they’re super bubbly and a barrel of laughs. What gives? Something about you seems to get on their nerves, and it could be because they just don’t understand you.

12. They make you say “yes” all the time. 

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Maybe you feel like you always have to say “yes” to your partner because if you disagree with them, they’ll get annoyed or they won’t really understand where you’re coming from. This can turn you into a people pleaser, and it’ll just add tons of resentment to your relationship.

13. They expect the worst from you.

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Maybe your partner blames you for things that aren’t your fault. They might refuse to believe that you were the innocent party during a car accident, or maybe they’re skeptical that you used to be a dancer because you’re clumsy. You always feel like they don’t really see you because they’re always looking for the worst in you rather than believing the best.

14. They don’t realize when they’ve hurt you. 

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One of the worst behaviors of someone who doesn’t understand you is that they don’t even realize when they’ve done something to upset you. So, if your partner says something hurtful, they’ll continue with the conversation without putting themselves in your shoes. They’ll behave like nothing happened while you’re secretly devastated that the person who’s supposed to love you has let you down yet again.

15. They make you feel like you can’t be yourself.

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Being around someone who struggles to understand you can make you feel like you don’t have the chance to be yourself, flaws and all! If you’re always wearing masks or you feel like you have to change yourself, you might start wondering: do they really love me, or am I with the wrong person?

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Sinitta Weston grew up in Edinburgh but moved to Sydney, Australia to for college and never came back. She works as a chemical engineer during the day and at night, she writes articles about love and relationships. She's her friends' go-to for dating advice (though she struggles to take the same advice herself). Her INFJ personality makes her extra sensitive to others' feelings and this allows her to help people through tough times with ease. Hopefully, her articles can do that for you.