Love isn’t something that just stays strong on its own—you have to nurture it. But sometimes, without realizing it, couples fall into patterns that slowly chip away at the connection they once had. The problem is, most people don’t notice these habits until they’ve already created distance. If your relationship feels a little stale, here are some of the common ways couples kill the romance—plus how to bring it back.
1. Trying To Make Your Relationship Seem Perfect Online
There’s nothing wrong with posting a cute anniversary picture or sharing a special moment, but when your relationship starts becoming more about how it looks to others than how it actually feels, you’ve got a problem. If you’re curating a version of your relationship for social media that doesn’t reflect reality, you’re putting unnecessary pressure on yourselves to live up to an illusion. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, exposure to idealized representations of relationships on social media was linked to increased feelings of inadequacy and lower relationship satisfaction.
Instead of trying to craft the perfect online love story, focus on what actually makes you happy in real life. Enjoy moments without feeling the need to document them for likes. A relationship thrives when it’s about connection, not performance. Keep the best parts between you two, not your followers.
2. Getting More Jealous Over Instagram Likes Than Real-Life Behavior
Social media has made jealousy more complicated. Seeing your partner like someone’s picture or follow a certain account can trigger unnecessary insecurity. But here’s the thing—what matters isn’t their online activity, it’s how they treat you in real life. If they’re loving, loyal, and present in your relationship, does a like on a photo really mean anything? According to research from the University of Montreal, people who display more jealousy of their romantic partner’s social media activity are also more likely to perpetrate violence towards that partner.
Rather than spiraling over social media interactions, focus on open communication. If something makes you uncomfortable, talk about it. But don’t turn Instagram into a battleground—it’s not worth sacrificing a healthy relationship over things that ultimately don’t matter.
3. Using Passive-Aggressive Memes To Vent
We all know that person who posts cryptic, pointed memes about “loyalty” or “knowing your worth” right after a fight. If that’s you, it’s time to rethink your communication strategy. Sharing passive-aggressive posts instead of directly addressing your issues doesn’t fix anything—it just creates unnecessary tension. According to relationship experts at MyRelash, passive-aggressive posts on social media instead of directly addressing issues can create unnecessary tension and harm relationships.
Instead of using social media as a weapon, talk to your partner. If something is bothering you, bring it up in a productive way. Healthy relationships aren’t built on indirect jabs—they’re built on honest conversations.
4. Trying To ‘Win’ Arguments Instead Of Solving Problems
If your goal in every disagreement is to “win,” you’re already losing. Arguments shouldn’t be about proving who’s right and who’s wrong—they should be about understanding each other and finding a solution. Keeping score, being stubborn, or refusing to admit fault only creates resentment. According to psychologists at LI Psychologist, couples that learn how to resolve their conflicts rather than try to win arguments are more likely to have successful relationships.
The healthiest couples focus on fixing the issue, not tearing each other down. Shift your mindset from “winning” to “working together.” Listen more than you talk, acknowledge when you’re wrong, and approach conflicts as a team instead of opponents.
5. Bringing Up Old Fights For No Reason
Nothing kills progress in a relationship faster than constantly bringing up the past. If you’ve supposedly moved on from an argument, but you keep reopening the wound during every new disagreement, it prevents healing and trust from rebuilding.
Learn to let things go. If an issue has been resolved, don’t use it as a weapon in future fights. Focus on the present and deal with what’s in front of you instead of keeping a mental record of every past mistake.
6. Expecting Your Partner To Be Your Therapist, Life Coach, And Emotional Dumping Ground
Your partner should be a source of support, but they can’t be your entire emotional support system. If you’re constantly offloading every frustration, insecurity, and stress onto them, it can become overwhelming. No one person can fulfill every emotional need.
Make sure you have other outlets—friends, family, or even therapy—to share your struggles with. Your partner should be part of your support system, but they shouldn’t be the only thing holding you together.
7. Thinking ‘Matching Outfits’ And Aesthetic Dates Equal A Strong Relationship
There’s nothing wrong with cute date nights and matching outfits, but if your relationship is built more on aesthetics than emotional depth, that’s a problem. Romance isn’t about looking good together—it’s about feeling good together.
Instead of focusing on picture-perfect moments, prioritize meaningful connection. Have deep conversations, make each other laugh, and build a relationship that’s fulfilling even when no one is watching.
8. Assuming They Should Just ‘Know’ What You Need Instead Of Telling Them
No one is a mind reader, not even your partner. Expecting them to just “know” what you need without telling them sets them up for failure and leaves you feeling unheard. If something matters to you, say it.
Healthy communication means expressing your needs clearly. Instead of hoping they’ll figure it out, let them in on what makes you feel loved, supported, and appreciated.
9. Getting Competitive About Who’s Putting More Effort In
Keeping score in a relationship is a dangerous game. If you’re constantly tallying up who did what, who planned more dates, or who made more sacrifices, you’re turning love into a transaction instead of a partnership.
Love isn’t about making everything perfectly equal—it’s about showing up for each other without keeping tabs. Instead of measuring contributions, appreciate what your partner does and give freely without resentment.
10. Holding Your Partner To An Impossible Standard You Built From Romantic Movies And TikTok Couples
Social media and movies can create unrealistic expectations of romance. If you’re measuring your relationship against curated highlight reels, you’re bound to be disappointed. Real relationships aren’t always grand gestures and poetic speeches—they’re built on consistency, effort, and real-life challenges.
Appreciate the love you have rather than longing for a fantasy version. Romance is in the little things—inside jokes, shared routines, and genuine connection—not just the big moments.
11. Letting Group Chats Influence Your Relationship
Your friends might mean well, but they don’t always have the best advice for your relationship. If you’re airing every issue in a group chat and letting outside opinions shape how you see your partner, you’re inviting unnecessary drama into your relationship.
Keep some things private. Your relationship is between you and your partner, not your entire social circle. Trust your own judgment instead of relying on groupthink.
12. Thinking ‘Romance’ Only Means Big Gestures Instead Of Daily Small Ones
Grand romantic gestures are great, but they don’t replace the everyday ways love is shown. If you only associate romance with extravagant surprises, you’re missing out on the quiet, consistent acts that keep love strong.
A relationship thrives on small things—thoughtful messages, affectionate touches, checking in on each other’s day. Those daily moments of love matter just as much as the big, Instagram-worthy ones.
13. Overanalyzing Their Texting Style Like It’s A Cryptic Puzzle
Texting habits don’t define a relationship, but obsessing over response times, punctuation, and word choice can create unnecessary anxiety. If your partner treats you well in real life, don’t let overthinking a text ruin your day.
Instead of reading too much into texts, focus on how they show up for you overall. A healthy relationship isn’t dictated by messaging frequency—it’s built on real-life connection.
14. Letting Your Own Insecurities Turn Into Accusations
Constantly accusing your partner of things without evidence doesn’t make you more aware or in control—it slowly erodes the very foundation of your relationship. Suspicion might feel like self-protection, but when it’s based on insecurity rather than reality, it creates an environment of distrust, tension, and emotional exhaustion.
Unchecked insecurity can turn even the healthiest relationship toxic. Instead of assuming the worst, take a step back and examine where these feelings are coming from. Is past hurt clouding your judgment? Are you projecting your fears onto your partner instead of addressing them? The solution isn’t more accusations—it’s more honest conversations.
