15 Ways Your Insecurities Will Kill Even The Best Relationship

So you’re a little insecure — who isn’t? We all have our weak moments, no matter how strong and confident we claim to be or try to convince the way we are. However, there’s a difference between having insecurities from time to time and letting them run your life. If you do the latter, your relationship is basically guaranteed to suffer. Here’s why:

  1. He has to convince you that he even likes you in the first place. Talk about a chase. He likes you and doing everything he can to show you but you don’t even believe him. Not only does he have to catch you, he has to convince you that he wants to do it! You’re the toughest kind of girl to lock down because you’re terrified of love.
  2. Once you accept that he wants to be with you, you convince yourself he’ll change his mind. He finally wears you down and wins you over and you let him into your life. It’s like the logical side of your brain gets it but the insecure emotional side fights even the most obvious signs that he cares. You need constant reassurance that he’s not going to wake up tomorrow and realize he made a huge mistake.
  3. You’re suspicious that he’s too good to be true. If you can’t find anything overtly wrong with him, you’ll assume that there’s something because there always is. You just haven’t figured out what it is yet. There’s no way a sweet, kind, funny, handsome man would really fall for you, right? He’s hiding some horrible flaw, obviously.
  4. If it’s going too well, you pick a fight. Your twisted lack of self-esteem means that you either consciously or subconsciously torpedo anything good you have going on in your life. You don’t deserve good things, at least in your own mind. They’re bound to go sour soon enough, so you ruin them yourself before they do.
  5. You can’t stand him talking to other women. This is bound to be your worst downfall. You’re so insecure that you’re incapable of trusting him. You can’t even watch him speaking to another woman without assuming that he’ll figure out how worthless you are and leave you for someone else.
  6. You’re madly jealous of his female friends. Logic tells you that if nothing has happened with them already then it never would in a million years. After all, he was single before he met you and they were friends then. Still, you feel that they have a part of him that you don’t. They have history together. You feel like you’re less than because of it.
  7. You don’t trust him around anyone attractive. Or anyone smart, funny, hot, interesting, etc. There are a lot of awesome women in the world, and usually you’re a huge cheerleader for them, but not in this case. Your own lack of self-confidence turns you into a green-eyed monster when your boyfriend is involved. If you think she’s prettier than you, you fear he’ll leave you for her.
  8. You can’t believe he loves you because you don’t love yourself. It’s overused but the saying is true: you can’t truly love another until you love yourself. How are you going to have a normal relationship if you can’t believe that you deserve it? This is going to cause a world of headache and heartache.
  9. Your jealousy drives him away. He isn’t doing anything wrong, but you are treating him like he’s a criminal. Who wants to deal with that? It’s not fair to him. You would go crazy if he did the same back to you. Don’t be a crazy-sounding hypocrite.
  10. Eventually, he’ll leave you because he’s exhausted. A person can only stand so much. Your constant need for approval and reassurance coupled with your overwhelming jealousy will erode your relationship until there’s nothing left. He’ll go because there’s nothing fun about being with you anymore. You’ve ruined it because you don’t know how else to be.
  11. If you keep accusing him of cheating, he might go ahead and do it. He’s being treated as if he’d already committed the crime, so why not go there? There’s no point in being a great, faithful guy if you don’t even believe it’s true. Hopefully he wouldn’t really do this, but it’s not going to help when you’re constantly on his ass.
  12. You wear him out with your constant neediness. No matter how much love and attention he gives you, it’s never enough. You’re trying to fill a void in your soul with him, but it’s impossible. You have to fill it for yourself. It’s a losing battle. Eventually he’ll decide to cut his losses and get out of this exhausting situation.
  13. He can never do enough to make you feel secure. No matter how faithful and attentive he is, you’re certain that he’ll hurt you. You ask him leading questions and try to trick him into admitting he likes other women. You’re only killing yourself and the relationship by being so ridiculous.
  14. He simply can’t win, so he’ll give up. It’s just not worth the struggle. He loves you deeply, but at what cost? He’s losing himself to the crazy need of your suffering ego. You’re sinking and drowning him along with you. Eventually he’s going to leave you out there on your own.
  15. You hate yourself even more for losing him. Hindsight is a bitch, and your self-loathing will only grow when you see how silly you’ve been. The problem is that you wouldn’t do anything differently if you were in the situation again. Until you fix your own issues, you’ll never have a healthy relationship. It’s that simple.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.