15 Ways To Ruin Your Chances With A Strong, Independent Woman

15 Ways To Ruin Your Chances With A Strong, Independent Woman ©iStock/visualspace

If there’s anyone who has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to BS, it’s independent women who are bossing life. We have really high standards and will walk away if fast if:

  1. You don’t have a career. We’re not looking for a boyfriend for the sake of it — we want an equal, someone who’s bossing life just like us. We want to be with a guy who has a good career that we can both be proud of. Sure, you might still be working towards achieving your ultimate goals, but the point is, you should be constantly pushing forward, not content to stay stagnant.
  2. You’re rude and/or lack manners. This can be a reason for anyone to walk away from you. Manners aren’t a maybe, they’re a must! There’s literally no excuse for not treating everyone you meet with kindness and respect. If you don’t do this, you’ve lost us before you even begin. The world doesn’t owe you crap, dude.
  3. You try to neg us. Negging goes a bit beyond the arena of “rude.” When you actually go out of your way to insult us and try to destroy our self-esteem, you’re basically asking for trouble. Negging just doesn’t do anything but piss us off, and it’s a guaranteed way to ruin a potential relationship with us.
  4. You try to act like a macho man. Thanks but no thanks on this — 99% of the time, a guy who tries to “Alpha” his way into a girl’s life will only make an ass out of himself. We simply don’t have time for that. Be happy with being on our level instead of trying to act like you’re above us. It’s not sexy.
  5. You attract too much drama. Do you try to start arguments over nothing? Do you somehow always manage to leave the door open for drama? We will never tolerate that from anyone, let alone a love interest. That crap is for theaters and middle school playgrounds, not the lives of mature adults.
  6. You throw tantrums when you don’t get your way. If there’s anything we can’t stand, it’s a man who acts like a child. If you throw tantrums when we say we’re too busy to hang one night, or if you make the mistake of sulking or lashing out if we say we’re not interested in sleeping with you right away, it’s safe to say it’s now game over.
  7. You’re a player. This never works out well with any woman. We have too much going for us to even think about giving players the time of day. Grow up, get your crap together, and then maybe you’d stand a fighting chance.
  8. You make the dire mistake of trying to control us. We’re not the kind of women who like the idea of being controlled or manipulated. Badass independent women like to call the shots ourselves instead.
  9. You claim to love women but you’re a closet misogynist. We’re proud of their femininity, and we certainly don’t respect men who can’t see women as equals. If you claim to love and respect women but it’s clear you see us as second class citizens, you might as well walk away now.
  10. You get too insecure. Insecurity is never sexy, and it’s always glaringly obvious. Sure, everyone has things they’re not as confident about, but as a grown man, you should be able to move past those things or at least learn to control them.
  11. You embarrass us. If you are a true boss at life, having a partner embarrass you is an instant dealbreaker. If you treat other people like crap, get too full of yourself, pretend you’re an expert on something you know nothing about or generally act like a dumbass, we’re out.
  12. You have no life of your own. We want to be with a guy who’s just as independent as we are, with just as full of a life. If you don’t have friends, hobbies and goals of your own, it’ll just never work between us. We’re not looking for someone to carry — we’re looking for someone to walk beside in life.
  13. You forget about romance. We’re not talking about candlelit dinners and surprise flowers, but more unconventional romantic gestures that show you’re thinking about us and want to keep the connection between us going strong is necessary. If you think you can just move along without putting in effort, we’re gone.
  14. You’re broke. We work hard for our money. That doesn’t mean we want some crazy lavish lifestyle, but rather that we bust our asses to make sure we can live comfortably. We want a guy with the same work ethic as we do, because there’s nothing worse (not to mention anxiety-inducing) than living paycheck to paycheck. If you’re broke, it’s not going to work.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.