So, you’ve been told you’re a little blunt. Maybe you say exactly what’s on your mind with zero buffering, and compassion isn’t exactly your strong suit. Look, self-awareness is step one, and congrats—you’ve made it this far. The good news? Kindness isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a skill. And if you’ve mastered the art of saying what shouldn’t be said, you can just as easily master the art of, well, being a little nicer.
1. Stop Talking For a Minute And Listen
We’re all guilty of zoning out while someone else is talking, just waiting for our turn to jump in. But real listening? That’s where the magic happens. Active listening means actually focusing on what the other person is saying instead of mentally drafting your response. It’s about nodding, making eye contact, and occasionally dropping a “that makes sense” so they know you’re with them. According to Psychology Today, honing your listening skills can actually make you a more compassionate human.
And look, people love to feel heard. When you start paying attention to what’s being said—like, really being present—your relationships get stronger. You pick up on details you usually miss. You also stop yourself from blurting out something completely unhelpful, which is a win. The goal is to listen to understand, not just to respond.
2. Think Before You Unleash Your Unfiltered Opinions
Ever said something and immediately wished you could rewind time? Yeah, same. Words hit differently when you actually take a second to think before letting them fly. Pausing before you speak helps you filter out the unnecessary (or, let’s be honest, potentially rude) commentary. It also makes your words land better—because now, they actually have weight. According to Verywell Mind, mindful communication makes you a more emotionally intelligent person.
You don’t have to overanalyze every sentence like you’re editing a novel, but a quick mental scan never hurts. If it’s not helpful, kind, or necessary, maybe it doesn’t need to be said. Or at least, it doesn’t need to be said that way. Small tweaks in tone and word choice can make all the difference. And if you still can’t help yourself, at least soften the blow with a little tact.
3. Stop Roasting Yourself—It’s Not Cute
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you’re constantly roasting yourself, chances are you’ll project that onto others. Being kinder to yourself isn’t just about self-care Sundays—it’s about not being your own worst critic 24/7. According to Mindful.org, when you treat yourself with more compassion, you naturally extend that grace to others. Think of it as leading by example, even if the person you’re leading is just you.
Cut yourself some slack. Nobody’s perfect, and trying to hold yourself to impossible standards just makes it harder to be patient with other people. The more you practice self-acceptance, the less you’ll feel the need to nitpick and judge those around you. Being a nicer person starts from the inside out. Work on being your own best friend first.
4. Do Something Nice That Isn’t About You
Nothing humbles you faster than seeing what other people go through. Volunteering puts your life into perspective and, bonus, makes you feel good about yourself. Whether it’s helping out at a shelter, mentoring someone, or just being there for a friend in need, giving back rewires your brain for kindness. According to Verywell Mind, acts of service literally boost happiness and increase empathy.
And no, it doesn’t have to be some grand, life-changing mission trip. Small, consistent efforts count. Buy a coffee for someone who needs it. Help your neighbor carry their groceries. Simple, everyday kindness is what really shifts your mindset. Plus, you get major karma points.
5. Quit Complaining and Start Being Grateful
When you focus on what’s good, you naturally become a more pleasant person. Gratitude shifts your mindset from “Ugh, everything sucks” to “Wow, life isn’t that bad.” According to Happier Human, practicing gratitude not only boosts your mood but makes you more likable. People gravitate toward those who appreciate the little things.
Try listing three good things every day—doesn’t matter if they’re big or small. It could be “Had great coffee” or “Didn’t snap at my coworker today.” The more you recognize what’s good, the less you dwell on the annoying stuff. And when you feel good, you’re less likely to be a human rain cloud.
6. Try Seeing Things From Someone Else’s POV
Put yourself in other people’s shoes, even if they’re hideous. It’s easy to judge from the outside, but the second you really think about what someone else might be feeling, everything shifts. Next time someone annoys you, take a beat and ask yourself why they might be acting that way. Nine times out of ten, it’s not about you.
Empathy isn’t about agreeing with everyone—it’s about understanding where they’re coming from. And when you do, you respond with way more patience and way less side-eye.
7. Manage Your Stress Levels
If you’re constantly on edge, you’re probably not your most pleasant self. Stress makes people snappy, reactive, and way more likely to say things they regret. It puts you in survival mode, where every minor inconvenience feels like a personal attack. The problem is, other people don’t know what’s going on in your head—they just see you being short, irritable, or impatient.
Finding ways to decompress is key, whether that’s going for a walk, doing some deep breathing, or angrily scrubbing your sink. A calmer you is a kinder you, and let’s be honest, no one wants to be around someone who’s always one inconvenience away from a meltdown. Managing your stress isn’t just about protecting your peace—it’s about protecting everyone else from your worst moods.
8. Ask Your Friends If You’re A Little Too Harsh
Ask people you trust, “Hey, do I come off as rude sometimes?” and brace yourself. If you’re serious about being a better person, you need honest feedback, and the people closest to you probably have receipts. The tricky part is actually listening to their answers without getting defensive. It might sting to hear that you’re a little too blunt or that your jokes sometimes land like insults, but that’s the price of growth. Feedback is a cheat code for self-improvement—it helps you catch blind spots and make adjustments before they become permanent personality traits.
The key? Don’t get defensive. Instead of arguing or explaining yourself, just absorb the information. You don’t have to agree with everything, but if multiple people are telling you the same thing, there’s probably some truth to it. Use their insight as a roadmap to soften your approach. People respect those who can take criticism without crumbling, and honestly, being open to change makes you way more likable.
9. Master the Art of Pausing Before Reacting
Not everything needs an immediate reaction. Some things (and people) just require a little time and grace. That snarky text? Maybe don’t fire back right away. The coworker who made a dumb comment? Maybe let it slide instead of launching into a speech about professionalism. A simple pause—literally just a few seconds—can stop a minor annoyance from turning into unnecessary drama. Take a deep breath, count to five, and see if the irritation passes. Spoiler: It usually does.
Pausing before reacting gives you time to decide if what you’re about to say is helpful or just fueled by impulse. A lot of things that feel urgent in the moment really aren’t that deep an hour later. If something is really worth addressing, you’ll do it with a clearer head. If it’s not, you’ve just saved yourself (and someone else) an awkward or heated moment. Patience makes you a much cooler, calmer person to be around, and that’s the energy people actually want in their lives.
10. Avoid Negative Self-Talk
Your inner dialogue sets the tone for how you treat others. If you spend all day roasting yourself, that negativity doesn’t stay contained—it spills over into how you see and interact with the world. Think about it: When you feel good, you’re naturally more patient, forgiving, and warm. But when your internal monologue is just a loop of “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up,” you’re primed to be short-tempered and defensive. The way you talk to yourself matters, so start catching those negative thoughts and flipping the script.
Instead of “I’m the worst at this,” try, “I’m still learning.” Instead of “No one likes me,” try, “I’m working on building better relationships.” It might feel forced at first, but over time, you’ll notice a shift. Self-compassion isn’t just some feel-good buzzword—it’s a game changer for how you show up in the world. When you stop being your own worst critic, you’ll naturally be more understanding of others. And that’s how real kindness starts.
11. Set Boundaries Without Being a Jerk
Being nice doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. You can be a kind, generous person and still set limits on what you’re willing to tolerate. The trick? It’s all about how you communicate those boundaries. There’s a big difference between saying, “Ugh, I don’t have time for this,” and saying, “Hey, I’m really busy right now, but I’d love to catch up later.” One shuts people down, the other maintains respect while still protecting your space. Boundaries aren’t mean—they’re necessary.
If you constantly overextend yourself, you’re going to end up bitter and exhausted, which isn’t a good look for anyone. The key is learning to say no without guilt or unnecessary harshness. People respect clear, calm boundaries way more than passive-aggressive avoidance. Set them with confidence, and you’ll find that you don’t have to choose between being kind and taking care of yourself. You can do both.
12. Compliment Others Genuinely
Give compliments that are specific and heartfelt rather than generic or ones that sound like they are done by force. Noticing and acknowledging positive qualities in others shifts your focus from criticism to appreciation. It also makes people feel seen and valued, which naturally fosters warmth in your interactions.
Avoid excessive flattery or insincere praise, as people can usually sense when a compliment isn’t authentic. Instead, make it about qualities that truly stand out to you—like someone’s work ethic, kindness, or unique perspective. This habit encourages a more positive outlook and trains your mind to notice the good in others.
13. Own Your Mistakes and Apologize
When you make a mistake or say something insensitive, own up to it instead of deflecting or justifying. Owning up to your words and actions demonstrates maturity and self-awareness. It also strengthens trust, as people respect those who take responsibility for their missteps. A sincere apology goes a long way in repairing relationships and showing that you genuinely care about how you affect others.
Beyond apologizing, make an effort to correct the behavior in the future. Repeatedly making the same mistakes and expecting forgiveness will eventually damage your credibility. People appreciate honesty and accountability more than a perfectly curated image. At the end of the day, self-improvement is about progress, not perfection.
14. Be Mindful of Tone and Body Language
Your words matter, but so do your delivery and physical cues. A neutral statement can come across as condescending if your tone is off. Similarly, crossed arms, eye rolls, or sighs can send signals of impatience or disinterest, even if you don’t intend them to. Becoming aware of how you present yourself in conversations can help prevent miscommunications and unnecessary conflicts. The way you say something often carries more weight than the words themselves.
Adopting open body language—relaxed shoulders, eye contact, and an approachable stance—helps put others at ease. Practicing a warm and friendly tone in everyday interactions makes kindness feel more natural. If you’re unsure how you come across, try recording yourself or asking a trusted friend for feedback. Adjusting your tone and body language to match your intentions creates smoother, more pleasant interactions. It’s not about changing who you are but ensuring your message aligns with your meaning.
15. Keep Learning and Growing
Becoming a nicer person isn’t a one-time transformation—it’s a continuous process. Just as we evolve in our careers and personal goals, we should strive to improve how we treat others. Reading books, listening to different perspectives, and engaging in thoughtful discussions help refine your sense of empathy. Challenging your biases and remaining open to change allows you to develop deeper compassion. Surround yourself with kind, emotionally intelligent people who inspire you to be better.
Growth happens in small, consistent steps rather than grand gestures. The more you expose yourself to diverse experiences and ideas, the more understanding and adaptable you become. When you mess up—and you will—view it as a learning opportunity instead of a failure. The goal isn’t to be perfectly nice all the time, but to be conscious of how you impact those around you. Kindness, after all, is a skill, and like any skill, it gets better with practice.
