You get home late from work and just want to crash. Even grabbing leftover food from the fridge feels like too much effort. Then you remember: you promised your friend you’d attend her art exhibition tonight. Ugh! Lately, it feels like you have zero energy for your relationships, and it sucks. You feel guilty, but you’re not sure what to do because you need to look after yourself, right? Before sending that rain-check text, here are 15 ways to help you maintain relationships when you’re really tired.
1. Find self-care in the activity.
If you can’t get out of a commitment with a friend, like because it’s too late to cancel , try to find something positive and relaxing in the outing if you can. So, if it’s a beach day, fantastic – you can lie on the warm sand and read a good book. Or, if you’re having a date night dinner, indulge in comfort food and wine so you don’t have to worry about getting food later. There might be something relaxing or self-care-ish in the activity that you can make the most of.
2. Consider what’s making you feel emotionally drained.
You’re physically exhausted, sure, but your social commitments are making you mentally and emotionally drained. Think about why. Is it that the activities you’re supposed to attend are too energetic or your friends are super-hyperactive and you’re unsure of how you’re going to keep up with them all night? It helps to fine-tune your tiredness triggers so you can amend them.
3. Be real about your “energy dollars.”
We all have a certain amount of energy to spend every day. Think of them as energy dollars. Some dollars go to your work, others to self-care, and some to your friends. How can you spread these dollars out throughout the day so that you don’t end up completely broke of energy by the evening? It helps to write down a plan for your energy so you can see where it goes and how much you’re willing to give to everything in your life.
4. Ditch spontaneous outings for now.
Spontaneous outings can be more stressful and energy-zapping because they come up out of nowhere. Just as you’re settling into your comfy bed to relax at the end of a stressful day, your phone beeps and it’s your best friend wanting to hang out. Now’s not the time for spontaneous dates. Try to put them on ice in favor of planned dates so you can ensure you have the energy for them.
5. Avoid canceling everything.
You might think that not having energy means you have to cancel all your social plans, but you don’t. In fact, it might be more stressful to do so – your loved ones will feel like you’re pushing them away, which could cause lots of guilt that’s frankly draining. Try to tweak your plans instead so they’re not as tiring. For example, consider going out for a walk instead of to a club, or have a night in with your partner to connect instead of attending a party.
6. Find other ways to bond.
If you can’t handle all the get-togethers and outings right now, try to find other ways to connect with your loved ones. So, take a rain check on the in-person visits and have video chats instead from the comfort of your bed. Or, spend some time on your friends’ group chat so you can fit in a bonding session during your day without having to get dressed up and driving across town to hang out.
7. Make your outings shorter.
Set some boundaries to help you compromise so you can spend time with friends without draining yourself. So, for example, see them for a Sunday meal, but make it a shorter breakfast instead of a long lunch. Same with your dates. Instead of spending hours at a restaurant, have a coffee and walk through the park. Then you can go back home and do something to recharge your batteries.
8. Make time to rest.
When you’re trying to balance your work and social life, don’t avoid your resting time. This isn’t the same as your sleeping time, as it’s required to help you recharge your spirit and batteries. It could include relaxing with a good Netflix crime drama, hammocking in the garden, meditating, or soaking in a bubble bath. During this time, put your phone on silent so you don’t get disturbed!
9. Reach out to casual connections.
Although you might want to use all the free time you have at your disposal for your strong connections, like your besties and your partner, don’t neglect your more casual friendships. These are much more low-key and and therefore provide a good opportunity for you to spend a bit of time with them doing fun activities without feeling the pressure to give lots of your energy and time.
10. Show your friends you’re thinking of them.
When you’re spending less time with your friends and more time trying to rest, you can maintain your friendships in small, low-pressure ways. For example, send them a meme or text to let them know you’re thinking of them even if you can’t see them during the weekend, or comment on their social media posts. This is quick and fuss-free.
11. Don’t cancel on them multiple times.
If you’re feeling the pressure of your social commitments, you might decide to cancel on your friends. That’s fine if you need to, but avoid doing it more than twice in a row. It sends the message that you’re not keen to keep the friendship going, and it can hurt their feelings. Ditto for the person you’ve started dating. It’s better to be honest about how you’re feeling and why you need so much time.
12. Tell ’em how you feel.
When talking to people about how tired or burned out you are, it’s worth focusing on your feelings. Sometimes, the word “tired” is overused, so explain what’s going on. This will help your loved ones to better understand where you’re coming from, and will prevent misunderstandings, such as them thinking that you’re slow-fading them out of your life.
13. Explain if you need a complete break.
Sometimes you might be so burned out that you need to take a lot of time away from everyone. This could mean your friends don’t see you for weeks, or perhaps even longer. This can be more difficult for them to stomach, so it’s crucial to explain why you need all that time to yourself. It might help them to understand by comparing it to a health retreat. You need a complete escape to focus on yourself.
14. Let them know it’s not about them.
It’s easy for people to think your decision is personal, which can make you feel more guilty. Tell them that you care about your friendship and you’re not going to let it fizzle out. Explain that you’ll still make some time for them, even if that’s just calling or texting, and be clear about what type of interaction they can expect. This will help them better understand where you’re coming from.
15. If it’s just one relationship that’s draining you, take stock.
Maybe you’re feeling drained because of one relationship in your life, not all of them. In this case, it’s worth taking some time to reflect and take stock of the relationship and why it’s causing you so much stress. Maybe the person is toxic and brings lots of drama to your life. You might have to set some healthy and firm boundaries with this person so you stop wasting so much valuable energy on them.
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